Lessons From the Desert – Part 3

My time in the desert is winding down. To be honest, I have mixed emotions about leaving this time of silence and stillness.

This retreat with Jesus into a place of simplicity and quiet for Lent hasn’t been easy. You would think it would be calming and restful, and it was, sometimes.

All this down time, gave my overactive brain the freedom to go into overdrive. Pulling back on social commitments and freeing up my time for silence and listening, fed my soul. It became my friend. But there were also times, when that extra time and space became my enemy.

Left unattended, my mind can quickly shift from a place of peace and goodness to a minefield of worry, anxiety, and anger. In the quiet of the desert Jesus wanted to teach me to focus on His ever-present love which manifests as grace. He wanted me to realize that this grace is the fuel I need to live and love as I should.

In the silence Jesus was trying, once again, to teach me about how to live and love abundantly. And that starts with learning how to discipline my mind to stay focused on who is really in charge and to humble myself. He provided me, as He always does, with the grace to do what He was trying to teach me. When I remembered that store of grace that is always available, and I accepted it for what it really was, God’s eternally present love, I could live and love abundantly. My desert time became a source of calm and rest and good.  But when I forgot about that grace and God’s persistent presence and love and let my brain go into its default mode, the desert became a source of anxiety and restlessness.

Jesus let me experience these ups and downs for the last five weeks. Then during a sleepless night last week, I was given a gift. The gift came in the form of the words in the refrain of an old Beatles’ song.  The words “let it be” popped into my head as I was praying, and has been my mantra ever since. When I find myself defaulting away from the peace that God’s grace provides me and getting caught up in old thought patterns that result in anger or anxiety, I repeat the refrain of that song. I substitute words to fit the situation. Sometimes I say “Let him be” or “Let her be” or “Let them be.”

Silence and stillness can be our friend but can also be our enemy. I think that is why we so often try to avoid being still and silent. It’s why we don’t like the desert. It forces us to face ourselves and our shortcomings, but it also provides us the time and space for true transformation.

Holy Week is almost upon us. Just a few more days left in Lent. There is still time to venture into the desert with Jesus. Is the stillness and silence scaring you?  Is the stillness and silence calling you?

Joan