Cancerland

God has wasted no time in letting me know I am not alone as I accompany my husband on a trip to Cancerland. Through the many supportive and kind texts and emails I have received, God has brought me such comfort and assurance in a most unsure time.

One of those texts was from a friend who has been on a similar cancer journey with her husband for years. They call this place they are in “Cancerland.” That makes sense to me.

With the initial diagnosis, the results of the pathology report, and the reality of what treatment is going entail, it feels like you have entered a foreign land. A place you have never been before. A place where everything is so different than what you have been used to.  And you get a strong feeling you won’t be leaving anytime soon.

But I’m finding that, like Disneyland, Cancerland has its magical moments too. I’ve felt them already. And I know who is behind them.

Shortly after we found out Ron had cancer, I got to spend some time in the backyard with our granddaughter, Alice, on a road trip in her Cozy-Coupe. We stopped along the way to admire some colorful ceramic mushrooms. My daughter snapped the above photo. That streak of faded light above us gave me a moment of pause and comfort. I don’t think we were alone.

A magical moment.

Last Monday afternoon, we were scheduled to meet with the surgeon to receive the pathology report on the biopsies. That morning I went to fill the bird feeder and was stopped in my tracks when I saw a spotted fawn sleeping in the hostas next to the screened-in porch. It stayed there all day, right next to my rocking chair. I spent hours just sitting there watching it. We often made eye contact. It brought me such a feeling of calm. The fawn was gone when we returned from the appointment and hasn’t been back since. (See below)

A magical moment.

I want to stay open to these moments when belief takes over reasoning, when trust makes way for belief, and when love allows trust. I’m going to let God’s love come to life through the magical moments, and let the experiences of that love fuel my trust that Cancerland might just be … a wonderland.

Joan