It’s My Birthday For Heaven Sake

It’s a rainy, gloomy day today as I sit down to write. The kind of day that strikes terror in the hearts of moms with kids off school for the summer. Boredom seems to come easily and quickly to this younger generation.

I don’t remember being bored as a kid. I’m sure I was from time to time, but my mom was really good at coming up with creative, and at times kind of crazy, ways to fill the time. She had a home office set up and would let me type on her typewriter and pretend to be a secretary. We would play “church” with hosts that we made with a shot glass and slices of Wonder Bread. We used the shot glass to press out the perfectly rounded circles of fluffy bread. The tabernacle to store the Wonder hosts was my brother’s little metal safe where he kept baseball cards and coins.

And then there was Bunko. My mom loved to play Bunko. She was way ahead of her time. She’d love to see how that game has become a staple for suburban moms needing a night out.

This was just one of the ways my mom loved so well. She anticipated our needs and went out of her way to provide them. I liked that. I got used to that. I expected that. I thought that was love.

As my mom got older, things changed slowly but surely. I found I had needs that she didn’t anticipate or provide. I remember when I felt this shift profoundly. It was my 38th birthday. I was waiting for the usual phone call from my mom and dad wishing me a happy birthday. Soon it was close to supper time and I still hadn’t heard from them, so I called them. My mom answered and chatted like it was any other day. Finally, I said, “Mom, it’s my birthday.” She yelled to my dad in the background like it was his fault for not reminding her. He yelled “Happy Birthday.” This lapse in memory was a wakeup call for me. I was too dependent on a human love that was subject to human failings. I needed to grow up, and grow toward the One who was waiting for me.

God was gently calling me to an incomprehensible love. Lasting love. Love even deeper than a mom’s love. A love that anticipates and provides forever and ever all that we need. A love designed to fill the void.

This love can’t be found in any other person. We shouldn’t put that expectation on anyone.  Believe me, I tried. My husband has the scars to prove it. I shifted my dependance for that love from my mom to my husband with very disappointing results. I know now, it wasn’t fair of me to put that burden on him. I just panicked.

It wasn’t until I began my life as the Beloved that I truly felt that void begin to fill. I’m still working on it though. Believing and trusting in that enormous love is work. I have to be reminded constantly that His eyes are on me and He longs to provide all that my heart needs.

That is what I have been talking about in the last few blogs. The creative, and sometimes crazy ways, that God reminds us He is ever present and we are ever loved.

And He never forgets birthdays.

Joan

Though the mountains leave their place
and the hills be shaken,
My love shall never leave you
nor my covenant of peace be shaken,
says the Lord, who has mercy on you.
                                                                      Isaiah 54:10