A Visit to Nazareth

I’m always looking for new and creative ways to meditate, especially at this time in my prayer life when I seem to get stuck in old, familiar practices that don’t necessarily take me deeper into a space of real connection with God. I stumbled across a podcast yesterday that gave me just what I was looking for. The most recent episode of the Abiding Together podcast was “Journey to Nazareth.” In it, the hosts shared their experiences of “traveling” to Nazareth to visit Mary, Joseph, and Jesus during their time of meditation. So, I tried it and I want to go back. The idea behind this somewhat odd journey is to join the Holy Family, our family, in the simplicity and ordinary holiness of home. In the podcast they talk about the redeeming power of ordinary life and remind us that hope can be found, along with restoration and true transformation, in the graces available in ordinary life. True healing can happen from a visit to this home. The healing comes as we are reminded of the sacredness of our ordinary lives, and are strengthened in our resolve not to let societal pressure and the ensuing negative self-talk convince us otherwise. One of the hosts mentioned that when she travels to Nazareth, she pictures Jesus at different ages or sometimes brings others with her. She brings someone she loves or maybe someone she finds hard to love. There are all kinds of creative ways to use this practice to connect with the love and care of God through the simplicity and ordinariness of this family.  When I couldn’t sleep last night, I decided to travel to Nazareth. I pictured the house that Jesus lived in as a child. I walked up to the door and it was already open, so I just walked in and was immediately greeted by Mary and Joseph and Jesus. I pictured Jesus as an adult. Mary asked if I wanted some tea (how did she know I wasn’t a coffee drinker?) and brought me a steaming cup as the four of us sat at a long table. They were so interested in me. I had their undivided attention. I felt seen and heard and understood. I felt so cared for. It really calmed me, and I think I fell asleep because I don’t remember anything else. I guess that was all I needed, for now. So simple. I can’t wait to hit the...

Learning to Lean

I’ve been anxious lately. I’ve learned from the past that these times of anxiety are there to teach me something. If I let them. With this latest bout, I have been trying to just ride out the waves of anxiety instead of fighting them. I find my moments of calm when I recall in the past how God used the anxiety triggers to get my attention and to remind me of my vulnerability and inability to control whatever it is I am insisting on controlling. To remind me that He is in control.  You see, when I sense that some area of my life is teetering on the brink of being out of my control that blanket of anxiety is thrown over me and the struggle begins. Historically, I have ridden out these waves on my own, clinging to God’s promise to be right there with me always. Sometimes, that awareness brings me a deep and lasting peace, but a lot of times it brings me temporary peace, then the struggle continues. The other day, when I was praying and leaning on God’s promises to ride out a wave of anxiety, a thought popped into my head. It was like God was saying, “I have put others in your life to lean on, too. Lean on my presence in them.” For a minute I thought God was handing me over. He had had it with me and needed a break. But I know that isn’t true.  He was encouraging me to swallow my pride and ask for help when I need it from the people in my life that He has gifted me with. The people who carry His light and love within them and are willing and able to help me. He is calling me to lean on them. But then I have to admit the silly things that make me anxious. I have to risk appearing childish and vulnerable. I have to reach that heroic humility I talked about last week that allows us to admit we need help. In the classic Bill Withers song, “Lean on Me,” one of the verses goes: Please swallow your pride If I have things you need to borrow. For no one can fill those of your needs That you won’t let show. How easy is it for you to let your needs show? Especially the not so obvious needs. The needs that are unique to the way God made you,...

Selfless Love

About the same time that I was trying to figure out what I could work on in the new year to improve myself, I came across an advertisement for The Other Journal- A Retreat to Grow in Selfless Love. The words “selfless love” really resonated with me so I ordered the journal and have been working with it very slowly over the last month or so. I have often struggled with the concept of selfless love. I have tried at various times in my life to be better at it only to fail, except where my children are concerned. I feel good about my ability to love my children selflessly. That’s what having children is all about. From the minute you realize you are pregnant, the selflessness kicks in. You can only think of the safety and wellbeing of that child. You sacrifice sleep, happy hours, and deli meats for nine months out of selfless love. And that’s just the beginning of the sacrifices you gladly make out of an insane love for your children. I do give myself a decent grade in selflessly loving my children. I think I do ok there. It's everybody else that I struggle with. There doesn’t seem to be any strings attached to the love I have for my children. Often, there are deep hidden strings attached to the love I give to others. That is how I know it’s not selfless love. There are no strings attached to selfless love. It’s just love for the sake of loving. That’s what makes it so hard. Selfless love loves without reward or return. Selfless love leaves the ego behind and blossoms from a heart of deep humility. Eight of the chapters in The Other Journal focus on humility. One is even entitled “Heroic Humility.” It takes an act of heroism to humble ourselves fully enough to put others first and keep our pride at bay. It requires becoming small and that’s big. Throughout the journal, the reader is encouraged to visit the Litany of Humility that is printed in the back of the book. It’s is a prayer attributed to Rafael Cardinal Merry Del Val who died in 1930. It is by far the hardest prayer for me to say and really mean. It’s a litany, or long list, of requests the pray-er is asking of Jesus. Things like: From the desire to be loved – Deliver me, Jesus From the desire of being...

My New Little Messenger

This blog is going to be short and to the point because I have other, more pressing, obligations to attend to. Like rocking, smelling, and listening to our new granddaughter who was born yesterday. I think cradling a newborn is the closest we come to God, this side of heaven. They are precious messengers of God’s creative power and creative love for us. The design of a newborn is so creative and so awe inspiring. I think that’s why we can’t take our eyes off of them. The velvet skin, the crepe-paper thin nails so perfectly shaped, the peach fuzz sideburns and the cheeks - oh those cheeks, so plump and ready to do their work. Then there are the reflexes of sucking and startling that are such testimonies to a power greater than ourselves at work in the creation and design of human life. But the thing I love the most about those first few encounters with a newborn is the silent messages they bring us from another world. We all start out so close to the Divine, and with each day that pure connection gets clouded by life in this world until it’s almost imperceivable. Then our work becomes trying to get that connection back. So today I need to go spend time with my new little messenger. I know she has something to teach me, to tell me, about a world I once knew. I’m coming Alice Joan! Joan...

The Blessing Scan

I was having a hard time falling asleep last night because I was anxious about the supplement I took to help me fall sleep. Do you catch the irony in that? Yep, that’s the unique way God has wired me. Or should I say the unique way I have wired myself over time? So, I opened the app on my phone called Insight Timer, which has a variety of guided meditations to help put you into a deep and restful sleep. After you are led through a body scan to get all your parts quieted and relaxed, you are encouraged to do what I call a “blessing scan,” a focused time to recall and spend time with each of your blessings. The still, quiet darkness of the middle of the night is the perfect backdrop for a blessing scan and what a powerful balm that can be. I took time with each of my blessings to really soak up the reality of its presence in my life. I didn’t mindlessly rush through the list. There were a lot of people and situations that were obvious blessings, but what surprised me were a few of the people and situations that popped into my head that I’ve never thought of as blessings. It was like God was giving me a new awareness. Another awareness that became more real as I reflected on each blessing was the depth of God’s love. I didn’t always see blessings that way, as an underserved expression of God’s love. More often I saw them as a reward for good behavior. I perceived God’s love as part of a reward system. I would think to myself, “I must have done something good and this is my reward. I better keep up the good work.” Instead of purely a gift and reminder of God’s love, the blessings had strings attached. As I have grown in my faith and in my relationship with God, I know that isn’t true. I can’t quite wrap my human brain around the depth and unfailing love of God, but I know it is real. God’s unconditional love makes no sense. A love like that is so hard to fathom. One of the best ways to help ourselves believe it is to do a blessing scan. I talk to a lot of women these days who can only dream of a night of uninterrupted sleep. Instead of fretting about it and getting frustrated,...

Newness

Out with the old, in with the new. It’s that time of year when we tend to reflect on what our lives would look like if we took that phrase seriously. For some, it’s a fleeting thought. For others, it sparks some real efforts at change. Either way, it’s never easy to let go of what has become normal and comfortable, and accept something new and different. That is, unless it’s a whole new set of pots and pans. Santa brought me a set of new “green” cookware this Christmas. Apparently, my tried-and-true oatmeal saucepan that I’ve been using every morning for years could be killing me, so it was time for something new. I have to say, they are amazing. Sometimes you don’t realize how old and worn something is until you see what newness can bring. With the new year comes an opportunity to bring newness into the old, worn places of our lives, in particular, our spiritual lives. Where do we need to ditch the old ways of thinking and believing and embrace a new way? Where has forward movement ceased and we have settled into patterns that we have used for years that could be killing us, spiritually? We’ve been given another chance. A new year is like a newborn. It’s full of promise and hope. In her book, The Stillness of Winter - Sacred Blessings of the Season, Barbara Mahany likens each new year to the birth of a newborn baby. It is both miracle and blessing.             Both miracle and blessing, each new year demands my full and unwavering attention. Demands the full attention of all of us standing here on the cusp, filling our hearts and our imaginations with promises, vows, hopes, resolutions of the deepest kind.             I will study you, be in awe of your sudden appearance, your entrance, your being here. There was no guarantee you and I would meet, and therein is the miracle, the often-taken-for-granted miracle. Yet, unmistakably, a miracle. In every way. We have been given the miracle and the blessing of a new year. A future full of promise and hope. A fresh start is knocking at the door.  What does it look like for you? Who does it look like to you? Joan   The one who sat on the throne said, "Behold I make all things new."                                         Rev. 21:5...

Blinded By The Light

My husband’s latest Amazon purchase is a SAD Light Therapy lamp called Happy Light. SAD stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is a type of depression that occurs during the winter months when there are fewer hours of daylight. In the case of my husband, I would call it GSAD- Golf Season Affective Disorder which is a type of depression that occurs during the winter when there are fewer rounds of golf played. The use of a light therapy lamp involves sitting in front of a special light box that emits bright, white light, similar to natural sunlight. Exposure to this light regulates the sleep-wake cycle and increases serotonin production which has an impact on mood. In the User’s Manual for the lamp, it states: “When you are feeling sluggish and lethargic, sit closer to the lamp and/or spend more time with the lamp.” Their motto is “Your happiness is our priority.” This Happy Light lamp box sitting on our counter has made me think about another source of light that we all should spend more time with. A source of more lasting happiness. A source whose birthday we are about to celebrate in a couple days. This source lies deep inside all of us. A flicker, a flame, a roaring fire, it doesn’t matter. This Light dispels darkness no matter its intensity. One small candle still effects its surroundings. One small flicker of this Light has powerful effects. There can be no complete darkness when there is even the flicker of this Light. We have just completed another Advent. How did you do? Was it business as usual or were there moments when the Light flickered and dispelled the darkness of busyness and anxiety? Was it weeks of the usual discontent and disappointments or were there moments when the Light illuminated the love and goodness around you so brightly you gasped? Was it days of doubt and frustration or were there moments of clarity when you were blinded by the Light? There is still time to seek the Light. Make this Christmas a true celebration of birth. The birth of that Light in you. Make it a daily routine to sit in front of the Light. Look for and celebrate the flickers in those around you. It’s a prescription for lasting joy. Your happiness is His priority. Merry Christmas, Joan   I have come as Light into the world, so that no one who believes in Me will remain in darkness.      ...

Peace Be With You

The second week of Advent calls us to focus on peace. As I tried to think of how to describe peace for this blog, my thoughts went to what the opposite of peace feels like. If we don’t know anxiety, discontent, or agitation, we can’t know peace. That’s the paradox we face with a lot of human emotions. It’s like they travel in pairs; sadness and joy, fear and calm, gratitude and envy. You wouldn’t know one without having experienced the other. I have experienced the opposite of peace many a time. Often, our peace is stolen by unavoidable situations that come along with just living in the world. Only one check-out line at the Dollar Store, a half-lit string of Christmas lights, or finding out too late that the grandkids/kids Christmas lists have changed are just a few of the peace-stealing moments this time of year. Just as often, the experience of my peace being stolen is of my own making. Those times when I myself am the thief of my peace. I steal the peace that God intends for me by unnecessary worry, inability to forgive, ruminating, and not living in the moment. Someone once told me, if you don’t know what to pray for, pray for anything that steals your peace, no matter how big or small. When I do this, my prayer isn’t for God to give me peace, rather it is a prayer to stir up the power of the Holy Spirit to restore my peace. Peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s what happens when we believe in and call on the Holy Spirit. It is there for us always, this calming blanket of peace, we just have to put it on. During this second week in Advent, let’s let peace creep into every situation and every interaction. Let’s blanket ourselves in the peace that is a fruit of our oneness with the Holy Spirit. And maybe just stay away from the Dollar Store! Joan...

Mary, Full of Grace

As we begin Advent, once again my thoughts turn to Mary, the mother of Jesus. The story of Mary’s visit from the angel Gabriel and the life-changing news that accompanied that visit is especially relevant to me this year since Mary was most likely the age of our oldest granddaughter, Emily, when she had this unconventional visit. Granted the cultural norms and traditions of that time were very different from now but she was still a young teen. No matter the place or time, there are commonalities in the psyche of all young teenage girls. Budding independence, self-consciousness, insecurity, and doubt are just a few of the traits that describe a young teen. Imagine Mary dealing with those things and then finding out she is going to have a baby, conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, who is going to be the Son of God, the promised Messiah. It makes her “fiat” even that much more awe inspiring. Her “yes” under those circumstances is something that is hard to process. The depth of her faith and trust in her God, and the courage it took to surrender and be open to whatever came next, can only be explained by grace and the Holy Spirit. Mary’s first reaction to Gabriel showed her questioning, curious, and I imagine a bit frightened, state of mind. “How can this be since I have had no relations with a man?” Luke 1:34 A powerful transformation takes place in Mary. Her next words to the angel reflect the depth of her faith and trust in her God. “Behold I am a handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38 The pause between those two responses was the sacred space where grace and the Holy Spirit went into action, transforming Mary’s fear and doubt into calm assurance and surrender. We can learn so much from Mary on how to handle those times when life’s announcements aren’t what we planned on, those times when we are asked/forced to say yes when faced with hard to believe circumstances. We can learn from Mary the importance of allowing for that sacred space where grace and the Holy Spirit can act to transform us and bring us peace. Let’s use this time of Advent to focus on Mary, that young girl who just might have the key to the peace, acceptance, and surrender we have been looking for in...

Water Lily World

In these days leading up to Thanksgiving, I am going to try to focus on what I have to be grateful for and keep any creeping thoughts of discontent at bay. My grateful heart can so easily be ambushed by comparisons and perceived slights. It takes discipline to maintain a grateful heart. When I am grateful and find myself wanting to show God the depth of my gratitude, words don’t seem adequate. There never seems to be quite the right words to express the depth of that feeling of thanks. The same is true for the depth of my feelings of thanks to all of you. I am so grateful that God has built this loving and supportive community that is Firstfruits. I am so thankful to know that you are there. Whether in person, virtually on Zoom, or anonymously reading these blogs, I know you are there. Your presence is a constant reminder to me of God’s love and deep care. I hope you feel the depth of my thanks. Blessed Thanksgiving to you and all those you love, Joan Every summer the lilies rise and open their white hands until they almost cover the black waters of the pond. And I give thanks but it does not seem like adequate thanks, it doesn’t seem festive enough or constant enough, nor does the name of the Lord or the words of thanksgiving come into it often enough. Everywhere I go I am treated like royalty, which I am not. I thirst and am given water. My eyes thirst and I am given the white lilies on the black water. My heart sings but the apparatus of singing doesn’t convey half what it feels and means. In spring there’s hope, in fall the exquisite, necessary diminishing, in winter I am sleepy as any beast in its leafy cave, but in summer there is everywhere the luminous sprawl of gifts, the hospitality of the Lord and my inadequate answers as I row my beautiful, temporary body through this water-lily world.                                                                  Mary Oliver...