For Better, For Worse
I have an anniversary this week. My husband and I will be married forty-two years in a couple days. I’ve been reminiscing about past anniversaries. There was year ten when we foolishly thought we could leave our eight-year-old, five-year-old, and six-month-old for a weekend getaway. After all, we enlisted the help of two grandmas and one grandpa. Three on three. What could go wrong? Let me just say, it didn’t go well. They never offered to do that again. So, for many years we have stayed close to home. We go somewhere for a nice dinner. It is always so exciting because I know I can count on two things happening that are a rarity. My pick of anything from the dessert menu and prolonged eye contact from my husband. Both so sweet. Each anniversary I find myself pondering where we have been as a couple, where we are now, and where I dream we could be someday. With each passing year the traditional wedding vow words make more and more sense. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part. Right now, we are in a toss-up between “in sickness” and “for worse.” My husband has suffered with chronic back pain for over ten years. Those of you who have experienced chronic pain know how insidious it is. It has a silent yet powerful effect on its sufferer and those around them. But, as with all of life’s challenges, there can be valuable lessons learned if we let ourselves enter the classroom. God is using a trial in the relationship that is nearest and dearest to my heart to teach me once again a very basic lesson that I seem to be slow to pick up on. Even those who love us the most will disappoint us. As my husband has been focused on his pain and all that goes along with that, I have found myself after time, losing compassion and empathy for him. I can get angry and resentful. I can become someone I really don’t like. But I’m helpless to change. I feel so let down and disappointed by the person I thought, forty-two years ago, would never fail me. Ronald Rolheiser puts it best in his book Against an Infinite Horizon, “Human love is finite. This insight helps us realize that the first task in any love, whether in a marriage or in a deep...
An Answered Prayer
Do you ever think about your first day in heaven? What your room in the mansion looks like? Do you get to settle in before the orientation begins? I hope we get some one-on-one time with God, because I have a lot of burning questions to ask but would like to do it in private. Questions like why God couldn’t just spell things out in plain language instead of making us spend so much time in Bible studies trying to decipher His word? Why we were given free will? Look at the mess we made of that. When did everything begin and when will it end? Or my dad’s question, if you had more than one wife in this life, who do you spend eternity with? Which one? (Not sure why that was so intriguing to him since he only had one wife, my mom, for almost fifty years.) Another question I have is about prayer. How does God decide how or when to answer our prayers? It says in scripture that if we ask, we shall be given; seek, we shall find; knock and the door will be opened. (Luke 11:9) In another passage we are encouraged with confidence, to approach God and He hears but we need to ask according to His will. (1 John 5:14-15) How do we know His will? I have friends who say what is the point of prayer, bad things still happen that I have prayed for and good things happen without even asking. So on and so on. It’s all very confusing. I don’t have the answers to these prayer queries but one thing I do know through personal experience is that there is power in prayer. Somehow our cares, our worries, our hearts’ deepest desires matter to God. That’s all I know. How God deals with all that is what I need to hash out in my one-on-one. God heard my worry and cared about the quiet restlessness I’ve had the last few months as I began discerning the new season of Firstfruits. Something was shifting and I was praying about it. I knew I needed help to sustain this precious work of God’s for this community of women we all belong to. The answer came on a walk, actually on a series of walks with Jill Varick. Some of you know Jill from Well Time or A Women’s Christmas that she facilitated last winter. She is a...
Come Alive
I’ve been spending a lot of time with our four-month-old granddaughter, June, lately. It’s amazing how fast newborns come alive. She already has two teeth, rolls around a lot, and has a very sophisticated sense of humor. She smiles and laughs at all my attempts to amuse her. Babies are such good audiences. It’s a real study in the development and the awesomeness of the human body when you spend time with a four-month-old. Parts of her body have come to life, while others are still half asleep. Her eyes find yours, her neck holds up her head, and of course, her plumbing is working overtime. However, her legs still resemble cooked spaghetti, her hands beat to their own drum, and her spine isn’t quite stacking up, literally. Her attempts at sitting up are amusing. The human body is made up of many different parts. When all the parts are working together, the body is in harmony and it can function the way it is supposed to. The same goes for the body of Christ. What exactly is the body of Christ? In his article “The Mystical Body of Christ: The Parts of the Body,” Jonathan Hayes states: “For as one body we have many parts…so we, though many, are one body with Christ” Romans 12:5 This common phrase is repeated many times throughout Scripture, especially by St. Paul in his epistles. Each and every time it is stated it is in reference to us, the people who follow God. He goes on to say: Just as every body part has a specific function within the body that is different from almost every other body part, so it is with us, that we all have our own gifts from God that we are each called to use in a way that He desires. We are all in service to the Body as a whole. We use our different abilities together in order that the main Body of Jesus Christ functions the way it is supposed to. Whether you connect through my weekly blogs, or are able to join us in person or on Zoom, you are an integral part of the body of Christ that is the Firstfruits community. What body part might you be? What gifts might you have that are waiting to come alive in service to the body of Christ that is Firstfruits so it can function the way it is supposed to? So much can be...
Goodbyes
I can feel it. It’s coming. There’s a cool hint of it in the air. From the first pencil case I spotted at Target to the fact that last evening I had sweatpants on, it’s becoming more and more obvious that a goodbye is imminent. A goodbye to summer. I’ve never been a fan of goodbyes. And life is full of them. The first-day-of-school goodbyes. First, as a child saying goodbye to my mom, and then as a mom saying good bye to my children. The relocating goodbyes. First, from Chicago to Milwaukee, then the new houses as our family expanded. The changes-that-come-with-aging goodbyes. First, to my natural hair color, then to my ability to do a cartwheel or swing on a swing without getting motion sickness. (What is that all about anyway!?) The loss-of-loved-ones goodbye. First my dad, then my mom. Lots of aunts and uncles and friends. Even a few four-legged friends. And all the other goodbyes over the years: classmates, teachers, boyfriends, friendships, coworkers, and next door neighbors to name a few. Life is full of goodbyes. What is it about goodbyes that leave us wanting? That cause us anxiety or sadness as we anticipate them? I think that with each goodbye a space is created that we don’t exactly know what to do with. Sometimes, it’s momentary and sometimes, it’s monumental and lasting. Writer Eric Clayton gives us encouragement when he states in his latest blog that "Goodbyes are powerful. There is sacred space left there, space in which grace takes hold." In the space that goodbyes leave there is room to grow. Grow in our dependence on God, grow in our awareness of God’s provision and grow in our trust that with each goodbye comes room for something more. A something more that is in God’s control and full of grace. As we say goodbye to summer, let’s say “hello,” with excitement, to what God will fill the space of our goodbye with. For starters, please consider joining us on September 21 from 6:30-8:30pm as we pray and play together in celebration of what God has in store for this coming year at Firstfruits. Say “goodbye” to summer and “hello” to the grace and blessings waiting for you. Joan...
Fun Club
The bicycle dress made its debut at Fun Club last night. Here I am in this picture after scaling the wall in my friend Deb’s neighbor’s backyard to grab what obviously was the perfect photo op. The minute we saw that bicycle flower planter I knew what I had to do. That’s the kind of fun we have at Fun Club. It all started over 25 years ago. Four dear friends and I decided we needed more fun in our lives. Life had thrown us some curve balls, as it promises, so we began meeting monthly to just have fun. The best part about Fun Club is that inevitably at some point during the evening something sends us into that kind of belly laughter that makes your face turn ugly, your lungs gasp for air, and more recently your bladder beg for mercy. The other best part about spending time with true friends is the afterglow. The feeling of love, acceptance, and gratitude that washes over you. Friends are gifts, if we let God be the giver. Women in particular, are wired for relationship. We need to be connected, to feel we belong, to feel supported and cared for. It starts early and never goes away. I wasted so much time and energy in pursuit of my best friend. After much disillusionment, but before I started begging, I gave up. I heard a speaker talk about the importance of, and the blessings inherent in, surrendering all areas of our lives to God. She asked the question “In what area of your life have you not surrendered?” I realized I needed to surrender my need for relationship to God and let Him take over. I had to trust He knew me even better than I knew myself. Boy did He. Best thing I ever did. God began to gift me with all kinds of “friends” as soon as I handed it over and broadened my definition of friend. God gifts us with all kinds of people in our lives to connect with, to feel supported by, to feel cared for by. They aren’t at all what you would have picked if left to your own devices. That’s the fun part. They come in all ages, colors, and backgrounds. They stay for years or they come and go. You don’t know their birthdays or maybe even their last names but you share your stories and learn from their wisdom. And sometimes...
My Bicycle Dress
I took a fun summer road trip to a part of Wisconsin I had never been to before. It’s called The Driftless Area. This area comprises southwestern Wisconsin, southeastern Minnesota, north eastern Iowa, and the extreme northwestern corner of Illinois. This area gets its name from the fact that it was never covered by ice during the last ice age therefore the area lacks the characteristic glacial deposits known as drift. That is just a sampling of the volumes of fun facts I learned and first time experiences I had during my stay with John and Jamee. I learned about birds. The CatBird has a call that sounds just like a cat. The Cowbird lays its eggs in other birds’ nests. The Grosbeak female is a force to be reckoned with at the feeder and some birds like grape jelly. I learned about gardening. There is a trick to knowing which carrots are ready to be pulled out of the ground. Potatoes grow in clusters. Nasturtiums are edible and I still don’t like onions, even homegrown ones. I heard the sound of a coyote at night. I gazed open-mouthed at the Big Dipper. I watched a bird feeder for an hour straight and never got bored. All these things left a lasting impression on me. However, it was a conversation I experienced that really grabbed hold and won’t let go. We were chatting about spiritual things one afternoon and John shared something he had read. He said Bob Buford, author of the book Halftime and founder of Leadership Network once said that he believes that on the final, final exam, there will just be two questions. 1. You learned about my son, Jesus, what did you do with that? 2. I created the one and only you. Why weren’t you more like you? That second question haunts me. Like the coyote call at night. I can’t get it out of my head. I created the one and only you. We were knit in our mother’s womb perfectly. Each and every part of us was custom made by the Creator. The unique combination of our physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual parts are found in no one else. And they are perfect. They are to be treasured and made known to the world. Flaunted with gratitude. Why weren’t you more like you? Yikes. Where do I start. How many times have I spoke what someone else wanted to hear? Or kept quiet for...
The Unscripted Moments
I just got back from a family vacation in Door County. Like most vacations, a lot of planning and organizing went into this get-away. With eight adults and seven grandchildren there were the numerous texts to coordinate everyone’s schedules to find just the perfect window of opportunity to gather us all together. There was the hunt for the right place and fingers crossed that our dates and theirs coincided. Along with the meal planning for fourteen, arrangements for Stan, our four legged family member, packing for every imaginable scenario, and figuring out when to hit the road so that naps were a real possibility, we were all praying that no one got Covid and had to stay home. And after all that planning and preparing and predicting when we arrived, we realized we had no milk. We did have plenty of bug spray, Neosporin, and marshmallows though. I learned early the value of planning ahead. I have learned much later the beauty in letting life happen. I was reminded on this trip that God hides in the unscripted moments in life. The moments that catch us off guard and take our breath away. I experienced many such moments on our vacation. The moment I slipped on the rocky downhill path while golfing. I took one of those cartoon worthy falls, arms and legs everywhere. My ten-year-old grandson, James, took my hand to help me up and held my hand until we were on flat ground again. I noticed how he wasn’t in any hurry to let go. The moments when little baby June would wake up from a nap and before she focused her eyes, her legion of cousin admirers would swarm her throne to kiss her head and poke her nose. Like workers bees around the queen. And then there was the cherry pie night. When in Door County, you must have something cherry. We didn’t plan ahead, so when my son-in-law called the closest pie place, they had just closed, but he talked them into staying open five more minutes and he would be right over. (Thank you to The Cherry Hut in Fish Creek!) It turns out the place had outdoor fire pits and a huge lawn to run around on, so we all went. What a magical evening it was. The sky was like nothing I have ever seen before. It looked like a movie backdrop, it was so perfect. (See the picture above.) And...
It’s My Birthday For Heaven Sake
It’s a rainy, gloomy day today as I sit down to write. The kind of day that strikes terror in the hearts of moms with kids off school for the summer. Boredom seems to come easily and quickly to this younger generation. I don’t remember being bored as a kid. I’m sure I was from time to time, but my mom was really good at coming up with creative, and at times kind of crazy, ways to fill the time. She had a home office set up and would let me type on her typewriter and pretend to be a secretary. We would play “church” with hosts that we made with a shot glass and slices of Wonder Bread. We used the shot glass to press out the perfectly rounded circles of fluffy bread. The tabernacle to store the Wonder hosts was my brother’s little metal safe where he kept baseball cards and coins. And then there was Bunko. My mom loved to play Bunko. She was way ahead of her time. She’d love to see how that game has become a staple for suburban moms needing a night out. This was just one of the ways my mom loved so well. She anticipated our needs and went out of her way to provide them. I liked that. I got used to that. I expected that. I thought that was love. As my mom got older, things changed slowly but surely. I found I had needs that she didn’t anticipate or provide. I remember when I felt this shift profoundly. It was my 38th birthday. I was waiting for the usual phone call from my mom and dad wishing me a happy birthday. Soon it was close to supper time and I still hadn’t heard from them, so I called them. My mom answered and chatted like it was any other day. Finally, I said, “Mom, it’s my birthday.” She yelled to my dad in the background like it was his fault for not reminding her. He yelled “Happy Birthday.” This lapse in memory was a wakeup call for me. I was too dependent on a human love that was subject to human failings. I needed to grow up, and grow toward the One who was waiting for me. God was gently calling me to an incomprehensible love. Lasting love. Love even deeper than a mom’s love. A love that anticipates and provides forever and...
Just Enjoy It
I have been so encouraged lately by your responses to my blogs. There was Geri who almost choked on the banana she was eating as she began reading the last blog about my banana face. And Karlyn who was amused by that same blog and suggested you all send pictures of your own “food faces.” (Please do) To top it all off, my daughter and I were on a walk in the local park when we were approached by a woman and her beautiful Collie. She called me by name and said how much she enjoys my blogs. She gently commanded me to keep writing them and asked God’s blessing on me. I was glad to have my daughter there as a witness to the love and encouragement God provided me through those kind words spoken in a random encounter with a divine messenger. (Thank you Patty) Your feedback is always encouraging, humbling and exciting! In fact, it has created a monster. I can no longer go anywhere without seeing something that makes me say “Ooh, now there’s a blog!” Case in point, my granddaughter, Emily, and I were just strolling the sidewalk at a nearby strip mall and I spotted the scene in the picture above. Right away I see, in that somewhat odd occurrence, the fun and carefree-ness that we have been talking about the last few weeks. It brought such a smile to my face and Emily’s. A weird but memorable bonding moment with my granddaughter! I’ve also received a link to a video from Jane and a book from Deb that focused on our Belovedness. That along with an insightful conversation with Ann about the importance of having an attentive heart has reminded me once again of how loved we all are and how our days can be filled with goodness and freedom and joy if we are attentive to the unseen, not the obvious. The book I received is called The Life You Long For- Learning to Live from a Heart of Rest by Christy Nockels. In the chapter entitled “The Farm-Table Epiphany,” she shares how she heard God say ”Just enjoy Me,” as she was reflecting on Psalm 37:4 which reads: Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart’s desires. She goes on to say: He didn’t speak audibly, but my heart filled with a knowing that it was Him. It had been a long while...
Keep Your Eyes Peeled
If you are reading one of my blogs for the first time, I promise they aren’t all this strange. I apologize in advance if you were hoping for inspiration or words to live by. I’m not sure that is going to happen this week. Unless you’re inspired by another example of the strange images that seem to show up in my food. I’m not sure what to call it. What happens is, the food I eat not only keeps me alive, it comes alive. Yes, you heard that right. If you don’t believe me, check out my blogs from July 7 and July 18 of 2021. It’s been pizza, muffins and now my banana that looks like a small dog. (See picture above) I sent the picture to my sister and she replied, “I saw a mini Yorky at Panera today that looked just like that.” The heart of my spirituality is seeing the Divine in the ordinary. You know from past blogs that I tend to “see” the presence of God all around me, not just in the more traditional places like church. I am passionate about sharing my God sightings with anyone who will listen. However, this food phenomenon has me speechless. I’m not sure what to make of it. What I do know is that it is ironic and a bit amusing that these occurrences have happened in the summer months of June and July. Perhaps it’s God’s invitation to that carefree-ness I wrote about last week. A reminder to hand over our cares even if just for a day or an hour to him. Free ourselves to rest more, laugh more, and feel more deeply God’s loving presence. I think God stays very busy trying to get our attention so He can fill us with the knowledge of his constant companionship and deep and abiding love for us. In summer He really ramps it up with the beauty of the landscape, the smell of the flowers, the songs of the birds, and the absurdity of my banana. He’s everywhere. Keep your eyes peeled! Joan...