Blissful Confusion
Some moments in life are just funny. They stand out. They don’t follow the usual pattern. These moments catch us off guard and command our attention. They force a response. I had one of those moments last week. As I was approaching my daughter’s house, I noticed a helmeted Santa riding his bicycle in front of my car. (See the picture.) This struck me as very funny. It didn’t follow the usual pattern of my drive to my daughter’s house. It caught me off guard and drew me in. My response was a smile and a click of my phone camera. The moment I turned the corner and saw Santa, I had a momentary feeling of lightness, surprise, and joy. Even now when I look at the picture, it makes me laugh and allows me to conjure up that moment of surprise again. Those moments are so rare but so powerful. They have the power to move us from our very calculated thoughts of what to expect, to a place of momentary blissful confusion. My mind registered something confusing but at the same time it registered joy. All in a millisecond. A place of blissful confusion best describes my spiritual life. Over the years, I have spent many hours in small faith-sharing groups where we have deep and rich conversations about all aspects of our faith, only to come away still confused about a lot of things, but feeling ok about that. Feeling blissful in the confusion. Because at the very heart of it all is God. And I know God wants more than anything for us to know him. God reveals himself to us and smiles on our efforts to recognize and believe. It’s those darn calculated thoughts that get in the way. Our calculated thoughts might get us through our daily lives, but they cause a lot of trouble in our spiritual lives. We have to remain open to surprises, open to revelations coming from places we would never expect, open to the moments when life as we see it doesn’t make sense. Those moments bring us closer to God. This time of year, my thoughts often go to Mary, the mother of Jesus. Imagine how surprised she was to find out she was pregnant and that her baby was to be the Son of God. That day the angel Gabriel showed up to announce the conception of Jesus didn’t exactly follow the...
Simply Amazing
Are you willing to be amazed? That was the title of a reflection I read last week and it really had me pondering. When was the last time you let yourself simply be amazed? A time when you let awe and wonder take over your usual analytical approach to life and its happenings. How often we forfeit our sense of awe and wonder, that God-given gift that is the gateway to our understanding of just who God is. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel talks about wonder leading to radical amazement and its essential place in the beginnings of wisdom, true wisdom that informs and sustains our faith. “The beginning of awe is wonder and the beginning of wisdom is awe.” Awe is the sense for the mystery beyond all things. It enables us to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance. Are you still with me? This can sound confusing but it shouldn’t be. God has gifted us with wonders in abundance. Wonders that, if we are open to them and aware of them, can lead us to an abundance of awe and amazement that can make our lives almost magical. How do we tap into this gift? How do we find it again? Spend some time with children. The capacity for awe, wonder, and amazement is on vivid display in the faces of children especially at this time of year. Their minds are aware of the awesomeness around them and their hearts are open to the joy it brings. They don’t have to make sense of the flying reindeer. They don’t have to worry about the accumulation of snow. They don’t care if that tree full of sparkling do-dads isn’t standing straight. They just take it all in and store it in their hearts as something good about life. As we grow, our capacity for awe, wonder, and amazement doesn’t seem to grow with us. Quite the opposite happens. We tend to lose our awareness of the wonders around us. Our hearts grow more skeptical and cynical than open. We’ve learned to analyze, predict, and control instead of just taking in the wonders and storing them in our hearts as something good about life, something good about God. During Advent we are encouraged to be on watch. Be vigilant. Let’s be on watch for the wonders that God will provide for us. Those inexplicable moments of grace when our childlike sense of awe and amazement...
Advent Resolutions
Today is the first day of Advent. Just as New Year’s Day is the start of a new calendar year, Advent is the start of a new church year. Which makes it the perfect time to start over. Start afresh. A perfect time to think about and prepare for the birth of a baby, not only in a manger thousands of years ago, but in our lives every day. How can we prepare a place in our hearts for that baby? What resolutions can we make in this new church year that will make our hearts the perfect birthing place for Jesus ...
Cheese Ball Generosity
The gravy boat and the carving knife are laid to rest for another year. Simultaneously, the warm fuzzy feelings of gratitude for all my blessings that permeated Thursday seem to quickly turn into confusion Friday. This time of year, I feel a strong pull to give back in response to the blessings that become so real on Thanksgiving: the bounty of food, the coziness of the home we gather in, our health, and the beauty of the love in our family. God has been so generous to me; I want to give back generously but lately that desire has really stressed me out. I don’t think generosity should work that way. It shouldn’t be over calculated and complicated. It’s just that with all the solicitations in the mail, it’s so hard to figure out who and what to donate to. Behind the free stuff: the customized return address labels, Christmas cards, sun catchers, socks and address books, are very needy and legitimate organizations that are doing so much good. I want to support them all but I can’t. How do I decide? How do you decide? The Bible tells us how simple generosity can be. 1Tim 6:19b Be generous and willing to share. Acts 20:35 Giving is better than receiving. Heb 13:16 Do not forget to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. But it also says in 2Cor 9:6- 8, “Whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly and whoever sows generously will reap generously.” How do I know what is “generously”? I invited my two oldest grandchildren, Emily (13) and James (11), to join me on Friday to shop for the older kids on the Christmas Toy Donation list that the MacCanon Brown Homeless Sanctuary had given Firstfruits. It was such a fun day for the three of us. For the most part they filled the cart with items for others, except for the bucket of cheese balls they very stealthily stashed when I wasn’t looking. I found a freedom at first as we loaded the cart with six of this and four of that, way more than I normally buy at one time. As the day went on, I found myself getting more calculated and the giving became more complicated. That freedom was gone. I felt something creep in. One of the definitions of generosity I found said, “Generosity is the virtue of being willing and liberal in giving. Free from pettiness in character and mind.” Was it pettiness...
To You All
Linda, the presenter at Well Time and More at Firstfruits on Wednesday, started her presentation asking us to express what feeling we were recognizing in ourselves at that moment. I immediately knew what mine was, gratitude. Gratitude that on a random mid-week day at 10:00 in the morning, I could be sitting in a circle of chairs in a beautiful room, surrounded by twelve other like-minded women, learning how to be better human beings. Whenever I sit in a group at Firstfruits and take it all in, I’m reminded of God’s love for women. How precious our souls are to God. How eager God is to provide us with just what we need through each other. During this week of thanks, I want to let you all know how deeply grateful I am for your “presence” in my life and the life of Firstfruits. Some of you I get to spend time with face to face, some I only know from a little box on my computer, and some I only know from your kind and encouraging email responses to the blogs. You’re all a presence of God’s faithfulness, encouragement, and love in my life. And for that I give you my heartfelt thanks. Joan I Have Just Said – a poem by Mary Oliver I have just said something ridiculous to you and in response, your glorious laughter. These are the days the sun is swimming back to the east and the light on the water gleams as never, it seems, before. I can’t remember every spring, I can’t remember everything--- so many years! are the morning kisses the sweetest or the evenings or the in-betweens? All I know is that “thank you” should appear somewhere. So, just in case I can’t find the perfect place--- “Thank you, thank you.”...
Home Is Where the Heart Is
How many times have you moved? I counted up the moves I have made since going away to college and it adds up to seven. That includes a move from Chicago to Milwaukee. The east side of Milwaukee to the Sherman Park area. A move to Wauwatosa. A move to a house in Elm Grove, a condo, and then back to a house. Looking back on all these moves, it makes me realize more than ever that home really is where the heart lies. It’s not about the bricks and mortar. We can get very sentimental about the places we have lived. The first home we inhabited as a married couple. The first home we bought or rented with our hard-earned money. The home that welcomed the babies. The home that celebrated the promotion. The home the trolley pulled up to on the day of the wedding. The home that entertained the grandbabies. The home that echoes with a quiet that is well earned. A quiet where we can rest with God. That last home is where we moved my mother-in-law, Janice, last week. A year ago, she was still providing the 28 of us with a delicious Thanksgiving feast. She turned 90 in May and after a few scary falls and a deterioration of her eyesight, she made a very courageous decision. She told us, “It was time.” We didn’t have to initiate her move, she did that herself. And for that we love her even more. She moved from her love worn, five-bedroom home in the quaint farming community of Mineral Point to a small but ample room in an assisted living facility very near her hometown. There have been a steady stream of phone calls and visitors since she moved in. A testimony to her big heart. When my husband and I visited her last week, we took her back to the big house so she could check on things and my husband could dismantle the shrine of trophies and medals and high school mementos that still collected dust in his old room. As we were walking out the back door, I realized the truth in that saying. Home really is where the heart is. She takes home with her wherever SHE is. She is home. 2 Corinthians 5:1 says, “For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not...
It’s Always Been There
The spectacular fall colors were the perfect backdrop for our Forest Therapy walks at Firstfruits with our gifted guide Allison. (See pictures below.) We learned the valuable practice of slowing down and allowing our senses to come alive to the often-overlooked treasures God provides in nature. The sights, the sounds, the smells, and the textures are signs of God’s tender and thoughtful love for us. Pure gift. We can live without swaying tall grasses, mighty towering trees, hollowed out acorns, and giant puffball mushrooms, but what a boring life that would be. Nature is God’s icing on the cake. As one participant shared, “I can’t believe all of this has always been there and I’m just finding it now.” Finding and learning to love what is right in front of us, and acknowledging God’s fingerprints and footsteps in all of it, is the very foundation of any religious seeing according to Fr. Richard Rohr. And it is the beginning of the path to loving our neighbor. Perhaps once we can see God in plants and animals, we might learn to see God in our neighbors. And then we might learn to love the world. Before they are all gone, take a moment this week to admire the beauty of the leaves. Take in the smells of autumn, touch the prickly remnant of a coneflower or the pale brown whisp of a tall grass, and thank God for his abundant gifts. Joan For all the great thoughts I have read For all the deep books I have studied None has brought me nearer to Spirit Than a walk beneath shimmering leaves. Golden red with the fire of autumn When the air is crisp And the sun a pale eye, watching. I am a scholar of the senses. A theologian of the tangible. Spirit touches me and I touch Spirit Each time I lift a leaf from my path A thin flake of fire golden red Still warm from the breath that made it. Choctaw elder Steven Charleston...
The Old Maid
Halloween is right around the corner. That time of year when a drive around the neighborhood sends chills down your spine. It seems like the appropriate time to devote a blog to someone else who used to send chills down my spine. His name starts with a “D” and ends with “evil”. I usually don’t like to give him a great deal of press, he’s not worth it. But it is wise, once in a while, to remind ourselves of his presence and the importance of being aware of just how he works. I’ve always had a very stereotypical image in my mind whenever I heard the word devil. But not anymore, thanks to a dream I had the other night. He showed up as an old lady in a red nightgown with glasses and a big gray bouffant hairdo, like the Old Maid in that classic children’s card game. In my dream I knew it was the devil. She was trying to scare me, so I picked her up and stuffed her into a trash chute. You know, the kind that you often find in apartment buildings. Then I woke up. I pondered what the Old Maid disguise was all about. How odd to see the devil as a cute old grandma. Then, it hit me. It illustrated what the devil’s most powerful and evil trick is. Deception. Most often, that deception comes when we allow ourselves to be tempted down the path of wild imaginings. We imagine someone thinks badly of us. We imagine something bad is going to happen to us or to someone we love. We imagine the test result will be malignant. We imagine our spouse has been unfaithful. We imagine our co-workers are talking about us behind our back. We imagine everyone else is smarter, happier, more capable, more interesting, more productive, and just plain more, than we are. Before we know it, these imaginings become our truth. We’ve let the Old Maid move in when we should have stuffed her in the trash chute. How helpless and vulnerable we can feel when we let ourselves be fooled. How much unnecessary fear, sadness, and anger we can rouse in ourselves and others when we believe what isn’t the truth. When we believe our wild imaginings. It’s at those times that we have lost sight of God’s truth. We need to refocus on the One who can show us the truth. The...
Our Powerful Wiring
No doubt we’ve all been troubled by the news lately. Reports of such evil is almost too much for us to wrap our brains around. With the advances in communication, war is so up close and personal. It’s not happening across the globe; it’s happening across our living room. The question we ask ourselves is “how can I help.” In addition to monetary aid and prayer, lots of prayer, I often hear people say peace begins with each of us. If we want peace in the world, we need to bring peace to our worlds first. I believe that in theory, but often wondered how it looks in practice. I have never had luck with just wishing myself to be peaceful. I have tried consciously beginning my day with the intent of being kind, compassionate, and selfless to everyone I encountered, but often that didn’t last past lunch. It’s not easy to bring peace and joy to others when you don’t have it yourself. In preparing for a presentation at Firstfruits last week, I did a lot of reading on our nervous system, in particular, the findings of Dr. Stephen Porges. He is the author of the Polyvagal Theory which is used in modern psychotherapy. Three of his theories I found fascinating. Our nervous system is constantly on watch to keep us safe. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When we come in contact with another person our nervous systems are communicating. Through signals like tone of voice, head movements, and eye contact, our nervous system is letting our brain know if this person is safe, if I can connect with them or not. There are three predictable states that our nervous system is in at any given time. Ventral, Sympathetic, and Dorsal. Ventral is what our bodies long for: peace, ease, organized purposeful energy, and joy. Sympathetic is when we become overwhelmed and get pulled out of Ventral. It is characterized by stress, unorganized chaotic energy, and desperation. Dorsal is when we shut down. We need each other to regulate our nervous systems. We can help each other find our way to the state of peace, ease, joy, and purpose. But before we can help another, we have to help ourselves. Why all this scientific mumbo jumbo? I think it’s the answer to how we start to bring peace to our world and ultimately help bring peace to the big...
The “E” Word
My friend, Martha, who I have known since kindergarten, received the Vatican II award last night from the Archdiocese of Milwaukee along with 13 others. I attended the event to support her. It is quite an accomplishment. The Vatican II awards were established in 1991 to honor men, women, and young adults who exemplify the Catholic Church’s vision set forth in the Second Vatican Council. It was encouraging and inspiring to hear the stories of so many dedicated lay and religious men and women who have given of their time and gifts to the Church, especially in this unprecedented time as the Church struggles to keep us in the pews. Or bring us back to the pews. Brandon Vogt, Senior Content Director for Bishop Robert Barron’s Word on Fire Catholic Ministries, has written a book entitled Return. In it, he lists the top three reasons people gave for leaving the Catholic Church according to the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life’s study entitled "Faith in Flux: Changes in Religious Affiliation in the U.S." Those reasons were: Just gradually drifted away from the religion. (71%) Stopped believing in the religion’s teaching. (65%) Spiritual needs not being met. (43%) It surprised me that it wasn’t specific instances or negative experiences in the Church that caused them to leave, it was more insidious and almost like a slow death of the seeds of faith that were planted long ago. A longing to nurture and grow those seeds that wasn’t recognized and attended to. What is needed to sustain, nurture, and grow those seeds of faith? Real encounters with a living, personal God. The anecdote to this spiritual malaise is a personal encounter with the living Christ. We need to provide that for each other in addition to the ways the Church provides. We are all called to evangelize others in response to our own awakening. I know that “E” word might cause you to pause but there are many ways to evangelize that don’t involve shouting “repent” through a bullhorn on a street corner or even saying the word God. I love this definition of evangelize: “To talk about how good you think something is.” What if we all talked about how good our lives are when they are tethered to God? How good it feels to know you are never alone in the challenges of life? How restful we can be when we realize we don’t have...