Love Never Fails
Our son is the head of a boys’ basketball program at a local high school. He’s a little short staffed so he has “hired” my trusted Firstfruits partner Mary, my sister Debbie, and me as his Directors of Basketball Operations this year. Impressive, isn’t it? Our duties include: Working the concession stand on occasion, selling spirit wear at home games, decorating the locker room, and scheduling choral students to sing the National Anthem. I find all of this to be a fun diversion from my duties at Firstfruits. I don’t think God minds. This week the Friday night game was Parent’s Night. At Parent’s Night each mom or dad gets a flower from their son. So as Director of Basketball Operations, I got the call to procure fifty flowers. I take my job very seriously. You will recall last week’s blog about the buckle in the rug? I like things nice and right. Come game day, I picked up the flowers I ordered. I wasn’t really happy with the color selection the store gave me, so I spent more time than I want to admit rethinking the color scheme. When I got home, I opened all the bundles of prepackaged flowers to fluff them up a bit and realized a number of the stems were slightly bent, so I went back to the store and bought another bundle. Again, spending more time than I want to admit deciding what color. I got them all separated and fluffed and ready to go in a nice bucket of water. My husband was going to take them to the high school when he went for the pre-game practice. He is my son’s assistant coach. I didn’t trust him to get them in the car without dropping the bucket, so I made sure to secure them myself as he rolled his eyes. Fast forward to the pre-game event. I watched with pride as the Freshman, JV, and Varsity boys handed the flowers to their moms or dads. Always a bit of a tear jerker. All was well. Or was it? Half way into the game, my friend Mary, who was well aware of the saga of the flowers, tapped me on the shoulder and pointed over to the bleachers on our left. (See the picture above) I laughed, and I thought about crying. Immediately I knew there was a message, and a blog, in those abandoned bunches of flowers. Because I know God...
A Buckle in the Rug
In Well Time this week we were talking about spiritual practices or disciplines and how they can become so rote that they no longer provide our spiritual muscles with the challenge and the boost that they need to maintain, let alone grow, in vitality and strength. A spiritual life that has lost its vitality is something I bet we all have experienced at one time or another. If that is where you are now, it’s time to try a new exercise. Last week I mentioned a spiritual practice called Visio Divina and included the instructional steps for this practice along with some sample images. I hope you were able to try it. As Step 2 of Visio Divina says “God is luring you to a treasure meant just for you.” That really piqued my curiosity so I have begun doing this practice regularly. I chose the picture above for my reflection time this week. It is The Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner. I was drawn to how “normal” Mary looks and how unusual the angel Gabriel is portrayed. Just a bright white light. I could really put myself into this setting. What really amazed me though, was what I ended up fixating on as I meditated on this image. It wasn’t the ethereal Gabriel. It wasn’t the beauty of Mary’s innocent yet courageous face. It wasn’t her choice of comfort over style in her bed clothes. It was the buckle in the rug. Step 3 of Visio Divina says “Meditate on the part of the picture that has drawn your attention. How is God speaking to you? Why do you think God drew your attention to this particular part? Is a message conveyed that pertains to your life today?” That buckle in the rug is unsettling to me. I want so badly to straighten it out. I want her to straighten it out? What is wrong with her? Can’t she see that? There is a messenger from God in her bedroom. Straighten the rug! Hmm…maybe there is a message God is trying to convey to me. Have I missed my visits from his messengers because I was too busy straitening the rug? What are the distractions that lure me away from the presence of the holy and the divine that visits me each day? Why do I let myself get distracted? Am I afraid of something? Am I unable to grasp the power and the love in those visits?...
Seeing With Your Heart
I learned something new this week from my friend Jane. I love it when I am made aware of something I never knew anything about. Especially when that thing has the potential to bring me peace, grow my prayer life, and open my eyes to a new way of connecting with my God. Also, it’s free and I can do it without leaving home which is a bonus these days. Have I piqued your curiosity? Most of you have probably heard of a prayer practice called Lectio Divina. According to Wikipedia, Lectio Divina (Latin for "Divine Reading") is a traditional monastic practice of scriptural reading, meditation and prayer intended to promote communion with God and to increase the knowledge of God's word. But have you ever heard of Visio Divina? By definition, Visio Divina, or “sacred seeing”, is an ancient form of prayer that continues to be a powerful method of meditation. Art becomes the sacrament that opens our hearts to the indwelling Spirit of God. The visible makes the invisible present in a palpable way. In another definition it said “Visio Divina is seeing with the eyes of your heart.” Jane sent me some pictures that she found were powerful for her in her practice of Visio Divina. I shared one of them above. For some reason that black and white photo of the lion and the little girl moved me. Feeling safe and cared for is high on the list of my emotional needs. I’m a pretty big scaredy cat at heart. When I have a choice to make in life, I always take the safe route. I admire those adventurous, free-spirt types. I picked responsible over romantic in the husband department. I picked Rockford, Illinois over many other choices for my Medical Technology internship after college because it was closest to home. (No offense to anyone who is from Rockford, but it’s not a real exciting place.) It’s well-done over rare for my burgers and I never sit in the front seat of a roller coaster. Get the picture? I saw in this image what I need and the eyes of my heart showed me that I have it. I have the safety and the care I need in the power and the love of God. I can relax, I can let go. I want to live in the shadow of that power and love, always, like that little girl. Oh wait, I do. So do you. Joan *I encourage you to try Visio Divina yourself...
Sideways Santa
Happy New Year! Here’s to hoping this new year really is happy and free of anything that resembles a mask, a needle, or my husband. Just kidding. Actually, our intense time together, since he retired a month before Covid hit, has taught me a lot about myself. When I was brave enough to look deep inside. This is the time of year when we are encouraged to look deep inside or outside and make some changes, some resolutions. That isn’t always an easy thing to do. It’s so much easier to blame the people and the circumstances around us for whatever challenges we are facing ,than to fess up to our own part in them. As the end of the year was approaching, I started pondering more regularly what I would like to be rid of in order to make a fresh start come 2022. I asked myself, “What am I contributing to my own angst?” With all the challenges of the last year, it has felt so stifling, so claustrophobic. It feels like life has been lived in a very small space. The smallness of it all gets to me frequently. I can become very discontent. I asked myself, “How can I change that? What would free me? What would help me live life in a bigger, airier, alive space where contentment abounds?” The answer was right there on my Christmas tree. A sideways Santa. (See the picture.) All the ornaments on our tree are meticulously placed, by me, to make sure they hang right, they are spaced evenly, and there is variation in their placement. Heaven forbid there are two bells next to each other or two snowmen. There was one Santa ornament that no matter how I placed him, twisted him, or tied him, he wouldn’t hang straight. He insisted on facing sideways. It bothered me a lot. For a while the beauty of the rest of the tree was hidden from me by my need for order. My need for things to be right, according to me. As I was pondering one day, it dawned on me. That sideways Santa was the perfect illustration of just what I need to change to feel the freedom I am looking for. To make a fresh start. I need to be content with imperfection in things and in people. I need to train myself to always see first the beauty and rightness and goodness around me, that is,...
Let the Light In
__________ Christmas! Go ahead, fill in the blank. What adjective would you use to describe Christmas this year? Merry, scary, wary, contrary? Sad, mired, troubled, tired? Whatever it is, it’s ok. You don’t have to be merry. You have the freedom to let the activities and the experiences of the coming week be as they will be. We are told to “fake it till we make it” or “choose joy” so often as encouragement when things are hard, but sometimes, it just doesn’t work. It’s just not possible. And that is ok. No matter how hard we try, the room is just too dark. That is until we let the Light in. Light and darkness can’t coexist. When you walk into a dark room and turn a light on, there is no more darkness. Even the faint glow of a candle when lit, dispels the darkness. Displaces the darkness. Removes some darkness. This coming week we celebrate the birth of the Light that dispels the darkness. With the birth of Jesus comes the promise of light, and in the glow of that light lives hope, peace, and love. We need to let that Light in. Even just a small flicker can be just what we need to see things more clearly. How do we do that? Watch for the flickers of goodness around you. They are there. Watch for the flickers of love. They are there. Watch for the flickers of kindness. They are there. And when you see them or feel them… BELIEVE them. They are a gift to you. ____________ Christmas! Joan...
Tiny Hand of God
Our daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby, and our seventh grandbaby, in early May. She went for her twenty-week ultrasound yesterday and brought over the pictures. There was one that stood out from the others. A tiny hand. (See below) She said it reminded her of God’s hand in the Michelangelo painting The Creation of Adam. (See above) I’d have to agree! What a moment of joy I had with her entertaining the thought of God’s hand in the creation of this little hand. Joy is the focus this third week of Advent. Our conversations at Firstfruits centered around joy as we studied the readings for this coming Sunday, Gaudete Sunday, as it is called. Joy is different than happiness. Happiness is transient and dependent on circumstances. Happiness comes and goes. Joy is permanent, at least it can be. Where God is, joy is. So why don’t we feel that joy that is available to us always, even in suffering? We came to the conclusion that so often we sabotage this joy that is present all around us. Often joy comes on the tail of sacrifice. Great joy is experienced when we put others’ needs and wants ahead of our own. Ask any mom or dad of a young child. Ask any caregiver. Ask any teacher. But we can tend to focus on the sacrifice and not on the joy. Our egos and our need for things to be fair lead us to resentment rather than joy. When we do reach outside of ourselves and tend to those in need, so often there are tender and otherwise unnoticed moments of pure joy. Often joy comes on the tail of suffering, and who wants to suffer? Our first course of action when we are suffering is to alleviate it as soon as possible and with any means available. But if we can see the sad and fearful times as an invitation to let God in, then we find that His presence brings with it a peaceful joy that permeates the hurt and scared places. Often joy comes on the tail of surrender. We want to hang on to whatever control we think we have and do things our way, but if we can wave the white flag and open wide the door of our will, and our control to God, along comes a freedom and with it that joy. When we let God in, we let joy in. But...
The Thrill of Hope
There has been a lot of talk about hope at Firstfruits this week. Being Advent, the scriptures we discussed in Weekly Word centered around hope. The topic at Well Time and More this week was Practicing Hope. At each Well Time and More day, we provide women with the opportunity for a chair massage and this week we had a new massage therapist. Guess what her name was? Yes, you guessed it…. Hope. A common thread in all of our reflections on hope was how hard it is to define it. We have experienced it but can’t quite articulate just what it is. Is it the same as trust? Is it wishful thinking? Where does it come from? Can you really lose it, or just fail to use it? See what I mean. It’s a bit confounding. So, I turned to scripture for clues on just what hope is. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 Sounds like believing is a precursor to hope. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Hope is a gift and a blessing from God. Jan Richardson, author, artist, poet and ordained minister has some real, raw and relevant reflections on hope. Following the sudden death of her husband, Jan writes: On this strange path of grief, I have found hope to be a curiously stubborn creature. it is persistent. It visits when I least expect it. It shows up when I haven’t been looking for it. Even when it seems like hope should be a stranger, there is something deeply familiar about it. If I open my eyes to it, I know its face, even when I do not know where it is leading me. Though hope may sometimes seem like a luxury—frivolous, groundless, insubstantial—it is precisely the opposite. Hope is elemental. It is made of some of the strongest stuff in the universe. It endures. Hope does not depend on our mood, our disposition, our desire. Hope does not wait until we are ready for it, until we have prepared ourselves for its arrival. It does not hold itself apart from us until we have worked through the worst of our sorrow, our anger, our fear. This is...
Surrender to the Babe
The war is over. You lost. Be glad. Wave the white flag and SURRENDER. These were the parting words from the priest who led the retreat that I was on a couple of weeks ago. Then he offered us little white flags to take home to remind us of his declaration. As I sit here at my computer, I’m looking at the little white flag on my desk with a sense of relief. The same sense of relief and peace that washed over me when he first said it. A relief that calmed me to my bones like when you momentarily lose your child or grandchild in the toy department at Target and after what seems like an eternity of panic you spot them. That kind of relief. It felt so good for someone to give me permission to stop fighting the wars of my own making. To free up the energy I use to try to fix situations, control the uncontrollable and change the unchangeable. Someone to point out to me that the gig is up, you lost. The weapons of fear, control, pride, and ego that we arm ourselves with each day are rendered useless. No amount of fear disguised as control, self-righteousness, or seemingly honorable motives can win the war. The only way to find the peace and contentment we long for is to wave the white flag and surrender to the love and grace of God. As the last verse of the Surrender prayer of St. Ignatius says, Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace. That is enough for me, Amen. But losing this war is a really good thing. Being able to admit defeat and powerlessness takes true humility which is the first step on the road to surrender. We begin the season of Advent this week. We are preparing to celebrate the birth of the one to whom we are to surrender. That birth didn’t just happen thousands of years ago, it happens again and again in us when we wave the white flag. So, rejoice and be glad! The war is over and you lost! But oh, what you have found. Joan Surrender Prayer (Suscipe) of St.Ignatius Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all I have and call my own. You have given all to me. To you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me...
Our Loud Lives
I went on a silent retreat last weekend up in Oshkosh at the Jesuit Retreat House. I highly recommend it, especially if you are like my oldest granddaughter, Emily. She texted me when I got home Sunday to ask how my weekend went. I told her it was so awesome and that I wished she had been there with me and she said, “Yeah, I wish I had been there too. I have such a loud life.” I think she was referring to her two younger sisters who tend to raise the decibel level in their house on a regular basis. But her response got me thinking. Don’t we all live loud lives? Every day, unless we force the quiet, our senses are bombarded with noisiness and our sense of the divine gets drowned out in the process. The hushed voice of goodness, serenity, contentment, and gratitude that is always there vying for our attention is masked by the loud voices of control, competition, disappointment, and fear, just to name a few. It amazed me how peaceful I became once I went into the silence. Once I was able to calm the planner and the doer in me, which took a while, I had the energy to focus on just listening. And what I heard was a still, small voice calling me to rest. Calling me to Him. We are about to enter into a loud time of the year. With the holidays and all its noise, we have to make a concerted effort to find the silence that draws us closer to God. Start by checking your phone less often throughout the day. Ignore the lure of your laptop or iPad. Stop and just gaze out the window of your office or home at some point in the day. Close your eyes and take a minute vacation. Whatever it takes to begin to form new habits that help resist the pull of the loud life. Gratitude was one of the hushed voices that grew in intensity when I was on retreat. Gratitude for my family, my health, my work, and for all of you. I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving and many moments of silent wonder. Joan...
The Roller Coaster
God never ceases to amaze me. I had decided not to write a blog this week. I felt I needed a break. Emotions have been running on high lately for myself and so many who are close to me. I seem to be strapped into the roller coaster of happiness and sadness with no way out. One minute I am celebrating the life of a dear friend’s son who was taken much too soon and the next minute raising a toast to our son who turned forty and our baby, who is having a baby! Then, it was back to the heartache of my son-in-law and his quiet strength as we celebrate and he grieves deeply for his mom. All this, on the same day, within hours of each other. As one person put it, “That’s the problem with loving deeply.” To which I responded, “Then I quit.” So that is where I’m at. This morning I decided to walk over to the Sendiks nearby and do some shopping. Just as I turned down the produce aisle, I heard the all too familiar muffled sound of my name coming from behind a mask. It was an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time. She proceeded to tell me she didn’t have long to talk, her husband was waiting in the car, but she had been meaning to contact me and tell me how much these blogs have helped her through the challenges of the last few years. With a lump in her throat, she delivered a message from God to me. (Thanks Karen!) So here I am at the computer. After my encounter in the produce aisle, I was reminded of the fact that we are all on that some roller coaster and there really isn’t any way off. Not as long as we love. So, we need to settle in, relax, and stop screaming. Stop focusing our attentions on how many more dips or how to get off, and instead, let the ups take us to places of deep joy and the downs take us into the arms of each other and God. In Truth Be Told, the bible study at Firstfruits, we are studying the book of Isaiah. It so powerfully and clearly paints a picture of what a loving relationship with God looks like. One of the homework questions for this week was “Do I get in the way of my relationship...