Forgiving Yourself

It’s almost three weeks into the new year and I can’t seem to find the “want to” to take down our Christmas tree. I love relaxing in the glow of the tree at night with the room lights turned down. I’m in no hurry to move on. This Christmas, and the weeks leading up to it, were strangely peaceful and soul satisfying. I’m not sure what to attribute it to other than a gift from God. It’s hard to believe it or admit it, but sometimes I think God is happy with me. I feel a smile. How about you? Do you ever let yourself believe that? So often, I hear women share that they never feel like they do enough, they don’t feel worthy of God’s love, or they wish God would just spell it out what was expected of them and they would do it. Then maybe, they could feel that God was happy with them. A big obstacle to us feeling God’s pleasure is our inability to forgive ourselves. If you remember, in my last blog, as I was focusing on the upcoming celebration of the birth of Jesus, I posed the question, “What needs to be birthed in your life?”  I realized I needed to birth more forgiveness in my life. I have taken that to heart and have been trying really hard to be aware of when I need to bear down (pardon the birthing reference) and forgive. Harsh remarks, perceived slights, and bruised egos are tough to rise above. It’s real work, but we get plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness in daily life. I quickly became aware of something that really surprised me as I focused on forgiveness. I knew that I couldn’t forgive as I had hoped to on my own. I needed God’s help. I needed the fuel of God’s love for me in order to show love to others, through forgiveness. And in order to feel God’s love, I had to make it a habit to forgive myself first. I hadn’t realized how guilt and shame can lay beneath the surface and prevent us from knowing and feeling God’s love. It prevents us from feeling worthy of God’s love. As a result, it prevents us from being able to forgive others more easily. If forgiveness is hard for you, begin by forgiving yourself for weaknesses and short comings. Strive to be better, but never lose sight of...

Birthing

It’s been a long time since I gave birth, thirty-five years to be exact. But the memories linger for a lifetime. Giving birth involves waiting, surrender, and pain. The outcome, however, brings such joy, and leaves a permanent imprint on the heart. It changes everything. It’s life altering. This week we will celebrate a birth. The birth of a baby that changed everything for all humanity, a baby who became the model for us of how we are to live this life here on Earth, and a baby who became the Way to live life in eternity. When a new baby is born, we give a gift. As my gift to this baby this Christmas, I am taking seriously a question I heard in a podcast I was listening to last week. What needs to be birthed in your life? As I have been pondering that question, I have mentally traveled a sobering road of discovery. I’ve asked myself, “What in me needs a do-over? Where could I use a reboot? What good thing is slowly dying in me that needs new life, a rebirth, so that I can live more like the baby we celebrate this week?” Through this pondering, I ‘ve come to the realization that what needs to be birthed in my life is forgiveness. Now comes the waiting, the surrender, and the pain, but I know if I have more forgiveness in my life, it will change everything. It will be life-altering. What needs to be birthed in your life? Patience, compassion, unconditional love, generosity, kindness, selflessness - the list is endless. What change will be your baby gift this Christmas? Don’t expect it to happen overnight or under your own efforts. Invite God into the labor. Looking for a midwife, Joan...

Prayers For The Wait

Something strange has been happening this week. I have found myself doing things you don’t normally have time to do two weeks before Christmas. I organized the utility closet in our kitchen on Tuesday. Wednesday, I found myself recaulking the base of the shower in our upstairs bathroom, followed by such a thorough dusting of the upstairs that the AirDoctor air filter kicked into high gear.  Frankly, I’m a little afraid of what today will bring. I think this unusual behavior is actually an answer to prayer. I have been leading a Firstfruit’s series called “Reinvent Your Advent” and we have been talking about how to spend these weeks leading up to Christmas in joyful and peaceful anticipation, rather than hurried and harried angst. We talked about two prayers that can help during this Advent wait. Lord, multiply my time. Lord, give me the “want to.” Have you ever asked God to multiply your time? Try it. I really believe that is what is happening to me this week. I have gotten things done quickly and efficiently. I have made decisions with more clarity, and it has become much easier to discern what to do and what doesn’t need to be done to make this Christmas memorable, meaningful, and full of love for myself and my family. As a result, my time seems to have multiplied. Enough so, that I can clean a closet and caulk a shower. But really, those things were accomplished more from the answer to the second prayer. Lord, give me the “want to.” Who wants to clean a closet or caulk a shower? How many times do we find ourselves with a to-do list a mile long but a to-don’t list even longer? This time of year, I  find that I would rather sit with some tea and watch the snow fall, or snuggle under a blanket and read a good book, than tackle the season’s task list. I need some serious motivation. I need the want to. Try these prayers this week. There’s still time to reinvent your Advent. Look out cobwebs! Joan...

The Waiting Lies

I have one week of waiting in joyful Advent anticipation under my belt. The challenge I posed to you and to myself last week, to practice joyful waiting, did cross my mind a few times as I was out and about the last few days. Like when I was in a very long line at Kohl’s to make a return. Or when I was on the phone for a very long time trying to get a credit card issue resolved. Or every time I turned on the kitchen lights and saw the one burned out bulb that I had asked my husband to replace three days ago. These are all small waits. Often, we are called to endure much heavier and more significant waits. Waiting for test results, waiting for someone’s change of heart, waiting for an apology, waiting for healing. With this focus on waiting, I have discovered something that I never realized before. When our minds are in waiting mode, lies can creep in. This discovery was affirmed in a video I listened to as part of an online Advent retreat. There were four lies mentioned in the video, that can creep in when we are waiting. They are things we say to ourselves that threaten our ability to endure the waits. I am running out of time. This is a waste of time. God has forgotten me. This isn’t the plan I had for my life. Nothing good can come of this. If we let the first two lies take over, we tend to lose patience, take action when we shouldn’t, and end up making things worse. If we believe the last two lies, we lose faith and trust that God is in control. We lose hope. The wait becomes an unnecessarily heavy burden. We need to be conscious of when these lies creep in and recognize them for what they really are. We need to replace them with joyful anticipation as we wait for whatever it is we are being called to wait for at this time in our lives. Live in the peace and calm that God is with us in the waiting and in whatever comes when the waiting ends. Heading to the basement to get a lightbulb. Joan...

The Art of Waiting in Joyful Anticipation

I woke up this morning, the day after Thanksgiving, and gave myself permission to think red and green. I’m old fashioned, I guess, but I really try to stick to focusing on Thanksgiving until it’s actually over, then I think about Christmas. As I was boxing up the pumpkin placemats and chiseling the remnants of the stuffing out of the crockpot this morning, it hit me that in 28 days it will be Christmas. A shot of adrenaline coursed through my body. I don’t know why I had such a dramatic response. This happens every year.  I find I have to fight the panic that sets in if I let the world tell me when and how to prepare for the coming of Christmas. If I can let my faith inform me just when and how to prepare, I find I’m much calmer and at peace as I go about the tasks of the season. My focus is more on waiting and joyful anticipation, the heartbeat of Advent. These four weeks of Advent are meant to teach us some important life lessons. We are forced to learn the art of waiting in joyful anticipation. Waiting is an act of pausing which can be frustrating at this time of year when To-Do lists grow. Waiting seems to be unproductive time, but in reality, it can be very productive. Waiting is an opportunity to practice patience, cultivate hope, and reflect on what is really important. These are all things that we could sure use more of these days. In Advent we are invited to a waiting, but this wait isn’t meant to be passive. Our Advent wait is to be filled with joyful anticipation.  We are to take time to imagine what is to come - the birth of Jesus, and just what that baby, coming into the world, means for us. I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to practice the art of waiting in joyful anticipation these next few weeks. Take that disposition into all your Christmas preparations. See if it doesn’t make things a little more merry and bright. Joan...

Toot Your Horn

From little on, we were taught that bragging or boasting was not something we should do. No one wants to hear how good you are at something or the praise you receive from others. Being humble was a much better disposition. People will like you more if you are humble. As a result, we learned to downplay our giftedness. I think this is particularly prevalent among women. Somehow, along with the message to be humble and never toot our own horn, was the responsibility to toot everyone else’s horn. We feel a real sense of responsibility to encourage and affirm the giftedness of those around us, especially if our vocation is to marriage and motherhood. We spend a lot of our energy building up the self-esteem of spouses and children and tend to forget about doing the same for ourselves. It's time to toot our own horns for a change! Last week I wrote about the gifts we have received and the power of the Holy Spirit to animate those gifts, like wind that powers the sails on a sailboat which in turn moves the boat. We have all received these gifts but we need to stir them up. We need to become aware of them, uncover them and allow the Holy Spirit to use them for others. These gifts are called Charisms. When we made our Confirmation, we had to memorize the seven sanctifying gifts of the Holy Spirit. These gifts like wisdom, understanding, and piety were gifts given to us to help us live a more Christ-like life.   Charisms are a less-known set of gifts we have been given that are not meant for us. Charisms are gifts given, to be given away. They are meant for others. They are the way God’s love and goodness enters the world through us. God will bring the people and the situations that need our gifts. We just need to be available and willing. Some examples of Charisms are; Hospitality, Service, Writing, Music, Craftsmanship, Administration, Helps, Giving, Mercy, Encouragement, Evangelism, Intercessory Prayer, Teaching, and Leadership. There are many more charisms mentioned in Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and sacred writings. Because charisms are pure gift, they come very naturally to us. So much so, that we don’t recognize them as a gift.  Often, it takes others to point out what our gifts are. It’s easier for others to recognize our gifts. That is why it’s so...

Raise Your Sails

I’m trying to stay focused on the fact that Thanksgiving is just a couple weeks away, and not get drawn into the Christmas frenzy. It seems to get harder and harder each year as we are bombarded with Yuletide reminders before we’ve even had time to eat all the Snickers and Kit Kat bars we’ve stolen from our kids’ or grandkids’ Halloween stash. I’m particularly tempted to start thinking about all the gifts I need to buy. So, I decided today, that every time I thought about gifts, I would turn my thoughts away from the gifts I need to get and instead ponder the gifts I have been given. I’m facilitating a group, through Firstfruits, that is focusing on the Holy Spirit - the source of our spiritual gifts. We have been watching a video series with Fr. Dave Pivonka TOR that highlights various aspects of this much misunderstood member of the Trinity. In the video entitled "The Gifts of the Holy Spirit," Fr. Dave uses the analogy of a sailboat to describe the relationship between our giftedness and the Holy Spirit. He goes on to say that the Holy Spirit is the wind and our gifts are the sails. The wind blows and catches the sails on the boat. The Holy Spirit wants to fill the sails of the boat so it’s alive and moving, not stagnant. That’s the exciting, exhilarating life in the Spirit. We just need to raise our sails and put them in position for the wind to power them to move. We need to offer our gifts to the power of the Holy Spirit. We all have these gifts. They are the tools we have been given to carry out our mission to bring goodness and love to the world, to bring Christ to the world. We are born with that mission and with a unique set of gifts to carry out that mission. Not everyone’s mission field is in a foreign land far away. More often, our mission field is across our kitchen table or in our classroom or workplace. We all have gifts that are meant to be given away. We just need to discover and uncover them. We need to make them available when the people who need our gifts show up. What are these gifts I’m talking about???   Tune in next week. In the meantime, just float in your boat and ask the Holy Spirit to...

Lessons From the Leaves

Barnum and Bailey have nothing on Fall in Wisconsin. This time of year, all you have to do is step outside to have a front row seat for the greatest show on earth. With every rustle of wind, the leaf dance begins. Overnight, the trees seem to have switched on their internal spotlights. They have lit up. The spiders intricately woven webs collect passing leaves, making beautiful natural Halloween decorations. (See the pic above.) Nature is all a buzz in the Fall. It’s the storm before the calm. The gateway to winter. What a clever plan our Creator had, to use nature as a classroom. If we take the time to notice it, observe it, and let it instruct us, we learn a lot about life and death. We witness first-hand the cycles of life and grow to appreciate the beauty of each one. If we let our imaginations take over, we see the journey of the leaves each year as a symbol of the journey of our lives. The budding, the fullness, the aging, the transforming, the snap, and the gentle tumble and soft landing to a place we’ve never been before. At each step of that journey, we are never alone. We are surrounded by others who are experiencing the same cycles, the same changes, the same uncontrollable progression of life to its end. We are surrounded by the Creator’s love too, the love of the One who is in all of this, in all of us. I hope you will find the time to take in this show. It has a limited engagement. It won’t be around forever and you don’t want to miss it. Put down your phone or tablet, or whatever you are reading this blog on, and go outside. Something amazing awaits! Joan...

I Don’t Like You

In addition to death and taxes, I have discovered that there is one other inescapable reality of life. There are going to be people who don’t like me. I realize I have spent much of my life avoiding thinking about that or working hard to make sure it couldn’t happen. In my efforts to stave off the inevitable, I often sacrifice my own needs for those of others. I have a hard time saying no. I do things I don’t really want to do and then get resentful. I envy those who can go through life not caring what people think of them. They can easily say no to requests; they seem to live life on their terms and are always looking out for their best interest. I envy them? Well, not really. I wouldn’t want to operate like that either. I think there must be a happy medium between me and them. A life in balance between the needs of others and our own needs. For many, women in particular, that happy medium is out of reach for most of our lives. With age and wisdom, I can feel myself letting go of my desire to be liked. I can feel myself being more authentic. My middle-school syndrome is on the road to recovery. That recovery started when I opened myself to the truth that the only love and connection that really matters is the love of, and connection to, God. The only group that will fill my need to belong is a group of two, me and God. We need to let go of the disordered ways we have adopted to make sure we are liked, we are included, we belong. We can trade them in for a more authentic way of living. Because we know that at the core of our being, we are liked, loved, and included.  We have always and will always belong to a loving God. The more time we spend in close connection with God and the more effort we put into growing our awareness of the Holy Spirit alive and at work in our lives, the easier it will be to live an authentic grace-fueled life. To be who God made us to be. To follow God’s direction in the choices we make even when some of those choices may seem selfish to others. Learning to say NO, (Well sort of.) Joan...

Granola Bar Theology

I don’t know about you, but I need to eat three meals a day. I envy those of you who can have a cup of coffee for breakfast and feel satisfied until lunch. Or those of you who can eat a bowl of popcorn or a pint of ice cream for dinner. If I did that, my body would just throw me into deeper pangs of hunger. My worst nightmare is to be invited to an event with “light appetizers.” After trays of stuffed mushrooms, my stomach says, “Are you kidding me? Where is dinner?” It’s just how I’m wired. It’s not just three meals a day that I need to feel satisfied. Sometimes, I need a boost in between those three meals. Years ago, I started the habit of never leaving home without a granola bar in my purse. My kids tease me that when I die, they are going to throw some granola bars in my casket. I don’t argue with it. I don’t know how long that trip home is going to be. The thing is, when I get hungry, I get irritated and crabby. I’m off my game. The mild headache and lack of focus leaves me unable to be the best version of me. I feel unsatisfied. All it takes to get me back on track is a granola bar. Granola bars satisfy a hungry belly, but hunger isn’t always physical. In our world today, there is a hunger for peace, connection, unity, compassion, and love. We need three meals a day of these things and more, in between those meals. Our hearts are very hungry. They aren’t satisfied with the bread of this world. We try to satisfy that hunger with the light appetizers that the advertising world and social media feed us, but our hearts know better. They long for a real meal. The words of a familiar hymn say it all: You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat, come give to us, oh saving Lord, the bread of life to eat. Maybe it’s time we fed our hearts three meals a day of God’s provisions. Fill up on His presence and promises. Snack on His words. And never leave home without Him. Joan...