Blinded By The Light

My husband’s latest Amazon purchase is a SAD Light Therapy lamp called Happy Light. SAD stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is a type of depression that occurs during the winter months when there are fewer hours of daylight. In the case of my husband, I would call it GSAD- Golf Season Affective Disorder which is a type of depression that occurs during the winter when there are fewer rounds of golf played. The use of a light therapy lamp involves sitting in front of a special light box that emits bright, white light, similar to natural sunlight. Exposure to this light regulates the sleep-wake cycle and increases serotonin production which has an impact on mood. In the User’s Manual for the lamp, it states: “When you are feeling sluggish and lethargic, sit closer to the lamp and/or spend more time with the lamp.” Their motto is “Your happiness is our priority.” This Happy Light lamp box sitting on our counter has made me think about another source of light that we all should spend more time with. A source of more lasting happiness. A source whose birthday we are about to celebrate in a couple days. This source lies deep inside all of us. A flicker, a flame, a roaring fire, it doesn’t matter. This Light dispels darkness no matter its intensity. One small candle still effects its surroundings. One small flicker of this Light has powerful effects. There can be no complete darkness when there is even the flicker of this Light. We have just completed another Advent. How did you do? Was it business as usual or were there moments when the Light flickered and dispelled the darkness of busyness and anxiety? Was it weeks of the usual discontent and disappointments or were there moments when the Light illuminated the love and goodness around you so brightly you gasped? Was it days of doubt and frustration or were there moments of clarity when you were blinded by the Light? There is still time to seek the Light. Make this Christmas a true celebration of birth. The birth of that Light in you. Make it a daily routine to sit in front of the Light. Look for and celebrate the flickers in those around you. It’s a prescription for lasting joy. Your happiness is His priority. Merry Christmas, Joan   I have come as Light into the world, so that no one who believes in Me will remain in darkness.      ...

Peace Be With You

The second week of Advent calls us to focus on peace. As I tried to think of how to describe peace for this blog, my thoughts went to what the opposite of peace feels like. If we don’t know anxiety, discontent, or agitation, we can’t know peace. That’s the paradox we face with a lot of human emotions. It’s like they travel in pairs; sadness and joy, fear and calm, gratitude and envy. You wouldn’t know one without having experienced the other. I have experienced the opposite of peace many a time. Often, our peace is stolen by unavoidable situations that come along with just living in the world. Only one check-out line at the Dollar Store, a half-lit string of Christmas lights, or finding out too late that the grandkids/kids Christmas lists have changed are just a few of the peace-stealing moments this time of year. Just as often, the experience of my peace being stolen is of my own making. Those times when I myself am the thief of my peace. I steal the peace that God intends for me by unnecessary worry, inability to forgive, ruminating, and not living in the moment. Someone once told me, if you don’t know what to pray for, pray for anything that steals your peace, no matter how big or small. When I do this, my prayer isn’t for God to give me peace, rather it is a prayer to stir up the power of the Holy Spirit to restore my peace. Peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s what happens when we believe in and call on the Holy Spirit. It is there for us always, this calming blanket of peace, we just have to put it on. During this second week in Advent, let’s let peace creep into every situation and every interaction. Let’s blanket ourselves in the peace that is a fruit of our oneness with the Holy Spirit. And maybe just stay away from the Dollar Store! Joan...

Mary, Full of Grace

As we begin Advent, once again my thoughts turn to Mary, the mother of Jesus. The story of Mary’s visit from the angel Gabriel and the life-changing news that accompanied that visit is especially relevant to me this year since Mary was most likely the age of our oldest granddaughter, Emily, when she had this unconventional visit. Granted the cultural norms and traditions of that time were very different from now but she was still a young teen. No matter the place or time, there are commonalities in the psyche of all young teenage girls. Budding independence, self-consciousness, insecurity, and doubt are just a few of the traits that describe a young teen. Imagine Mary dealing with those things and then finding out she is going to have a baby, conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, who is going to be the Son of God, the promised Messiah. It makes her “fiat” even that much more awe inspiring. Her “yes” under those circumstances is something that is hard to process. The depth of her faith and trust in her God, and the courage it took to surrender and be open to whatever came next, can only be explained by grace and the Holy Spirit. Mary’s first reaction to Gabriel showed her questioning, curious, and I imagine a bit frightened, state of mind. “How can this be since I have had no relations with a man?” Luke 1:34 A powerful transformation takes place in Mary. Her next words to the angel reflect the depth of her faith and trust in her God. “Behold I am a handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38 The pause between those two responses was the sacred space where grace and the Holy Spirit went into action, transforming Mary’s fear and doubt into calm assurance and surrender. We can learn so much from Mary on how to handle those times when life’s announcements aren’t what we planned on, those times when we are asked/forced to say yes when faced with hard to believe circumstances. We can learn from Mary the importance of allowing for that sacred space where grace and the Holy Spirit can act to transform us and bring us peace. Let’s use this time of Advent to focus on Mary, that young girl who just might have the key to the peace, acceptance, and surrender we have been looking for in...

Water Lily World

In these days leading up to Thanksgiving, I am going to try to focus on what I have to be grateful for and keep any creeping thoughts of discontent at bay. My grateful heart can so easily be ambushed by comparisons and perceived slights. It takes discipline to maintain a grateful heart. When I am grateful and find myself wanting to show God the depth of my gratitude, words don’t seem adequate. There never seems to be quite the right words to express the depth of that feeling of thanks. The same is true for the depth of my feelings of thanks to all of you. I am so grateful that God has built this loving and supportive community that is Firstfruits. I am so thankful to know that you are there. Whether in person, virtually on Zoom, or anonymously reading these blogs, I know you are there. Your presence is a constant reminder to me of God’s love and deep care. I hope you feel the depth of my thanks. Blessed Thanksgiving to you and all those you love, Joan Every summer the lilies rise and open their white hands until they almost cover the black waters of the pond. And I give thanks but it does not seem like adequate thanks, it doesn’t seem festive enough or constant enough, nor does the name of the Lord or the words of thanksgiving come into it often enough. Everywhere I go I am treated like royalty, which I am not. I thirst and am given water. My eyes thirst and I am given the white lilies on the black water. My heart sings but the apparatus of singing doesn’t convey half what it feels and means. In spring there’s hope, in fall the exquisite, necessary diminishing, in winter I am sleepy as any beast in its leafy cave, but in summer there is everywhere the luminous sprawl of gifts, the hospitality of the Lord and my inadequate answers as I row my beautiful, temporary body through this water-lily world.                                                                  Mary Oliver...

The Report Card

It’s that time of year when Parent-Teacher Conferences take place in many schools. Back when my kids were in grade school, it was only the parents that met with the teachers, not the students. Now, very often, the children accompany their parents. That way the child gets a progress report in person. How reassuring for them to know exactly what is expected of them and how encouraging for them to know they are on the right track, or if there are areas for improvement, that there is support. In a discussion at Firstfruits this week, one of the participants bemoaned the fact that we don’t get progress reports from God. We don’t know if we are living up to expectations. There is no report card and no way to know for sure if we are on the right track or where we need improvement. This doubt and uncertainty can be subtle, lying right below the surface of all our good intentions, causing a lot of unnecessary worry, and robbing us of the assurance and peace that comes with the loving relationship that God wants to have with us. So often, we measure progress in our spiritual life by things we do or should do. We can so easily compare ourselves to others and feel as if we fall short. I’ve heard people say they wonder if God is disappointed in them, or frustrated with them, or sometimes even wonder if God does love them. I hear it often, women who feel as if they aren’t doing, giving, or being enough. I don’t think God wants it to be so complicated. In Mary Oliver’s poem entitled Sometimes, she writes: Instructions for living a life:             Pay attention             Be astonished             Tell about it. I believe these three tasks sum up what God’s expectations are of us. This is our homework, and if we are doing these three things as best we can, as often as we can, and with as much love as we can, we are doing just fine. Pay attention Don’t sleepwalk through life. Do everything you can to stay alert, and aware of God’s presence and power all around you, every minute of every day. Each breath we take whispers God’s presence. Listen and look for the songs and the dances of God’s presence in your ordinary life. Look for it in nature, in family, in friendships, and in the stranger. Once you find it, pay attention to...

Listening, Loving, and Sharing

I am feeling very conflicted as I write this blog. By the time you are reading this it will be just days before Election Day--you know that thing that is happening November 5 that has consumed the airwaves and our conversations for months. I feel I should be commenting on the upcoming election, but at the same time I don’t believe I can say anything that hasn’t already been said, unsaid, spun, tweeted, debated, and negated. All I am going to say is I hope you will join me in these days leading up to, and after the election, in sincere prayer for our country, its leaders, and each other. In the words of Sikh activist and author, Valarie Kaur, What I want to remind us all is that as much as we must fight for our convictions and stand for what is just, remember that all those people who vote against you are not disappearing after Election Day or Inauguration Day. We have to find a way to live together still. The only way to birth a multiracial democracy is if we hold up a vision of a future that leaves no one behind not even our worst opponents. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer, especially now. I do want to share with you three changes I have noticed in myself from these months of political conversations and friendly(?) debates. I have learned the paramount importance of listening, really listening. I have developed a budding hope that unity can be a reality if I’m curious enough to hear other’s stories. Lastly, I have a renewed belief in the power of love. I have been in conversations where listening and curiosity and love were there and where listening and curiosity and love weren’t there.  The outcomes were dramatically different. Listening is a lost art in our world today. Hearing is easy, but listening takes discipline. To really listen to someone takes patience, not pre-suppositions. To really listen to someone takes openness, not offense. To really listen to someone means we need to have a willingness to be curious, not correct. These are all very difficult things when passions run high. Kaur says, “Deep listening is an act of surrender. You risk being changed by what you hear.”  She talks about spaces of deep listening and how they aren’t modeled for us in the world around us. We have to create those spaces. She also emphasizes the importance...

A Piggyback Ride

I was on a morning walk when I spied this tree and it stopped me in my tracks. It looks like one tree is giving the other a piggyback ride. The rider doesn’t look weak or sick or debilitated, on the contrary, it appears to be just as vital and strong as the one carrying it. But looks can be deceiving. When life gets challenging and downright overwhelming, how easy is it for you to admit that you need help? It doesn’t come easy for me. I don’t like to appear needy or dependent. Maybe it’s my pride or my ego, but I like to think I can handle things. When I did allow my vulnerability to show and reached out in the past, people seemed so surprised. I would often hear, “You just seem to have it all together.” Looks can be deceiving. How hard we try to look like we have it all together. All that trying becomes exhausting. Why is it so hard to be vulnerable? For me, it feels like defeat when I go belly-up and admit I can’t handle something, or that I am scared, or that I just don’t know what to do. It sounds too much like what a child would do and I’m supposed to be a grown-up. Or am I? How many times, in Scripture, we hear Jesus say that we need to become more like children.   In the gospel of Matthew, when the apostles asked Jesus “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus replied, “Unless you become as little children you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.” In the gospel of Luke, when the crowds were gathering and there were many children around Jesus, the apostles rebuked the crowd. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the children come to me and do not prevent them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Jesus valued humility and trust. Young children are full of both. Especially humility. Admitting we can’t handle it all takes humility, childlike humility, and childlike trust that when we admit we need help, the help will be there. It’s in that humility and trust that we meet God. He’s there to hike us up on his back and carry us for as long as we need. You can work hard to try and appear strong and capable and self-sufficient all the time, but who are...

Road Trip

Twelve years ago, I was walking to the polls to vote in the presidential election. It was a sunny, crisp autumn morning. I was struggling with some decisions I had to make and feeling very weighed down by it all. I looked to my side and saw the sun shining on a very dried up plant on the side of the road. The shape of the plant as it was decaying and the way the rays of the sun hit it, stopped me in my tracks. It looked just like Jesus hanging on the cross. You could almost see a crown of thorns and there were two clumps of dried leaves on either side of the “body” that reminded me of the ugliness and the weight of our sins. I pulled the plant out of the ground and have kept it as a reminder of how God comes to us in very ordinary places and in very extraordinary ways. We just have to be open to it. I carried this gift with me each week to a bible study I was involved in, and one day one of the women in the group said the plant looked so fragile she was afraid it would break, so she talked to her husband who was very handy and he said he could make a display box for it and voila! My Jesus plant had a permanent home. I take it with me when I give talks on seeing the divine in our ordinary lives. I was honored to be asked to give that talk to a newly-formed women’s group at St. Joseph Parish in Grafton this morning. My Firstfruits partner, Mary, accompanies me when I give a talk. I give her a list of what I need to bring and she packs the car. This morning when I opened the back door of her car to put my bag in, I saw something that just made me smile. (See the picture above.) Jesus was all strapped in, ready for a road trip. I like that visual of Jesus all safely strapped in behind me. Accompanying me as I hit the road each day on my journey through life. My traveling companion. That visual also reminded me of how beautifully strange our lives become when we give them over to God. How different and set apart we become from many around us. Our thoughts and our desires shift to a...

Turn, Turn, Turn

There is no more denying it, Summer has packed up her beach umbrella and flip flops and moved on. Fall is slowly taking residency. The air is crisp and heavy with the smells of dried leaves and pumpkin-flavored goodies. For me the air also has a faint smell of melancholy. As much as I love Fall, I also have a hard time with this transition. I have to work hard to stay in the moment throughout Fall and not think about what is right around the corner. My reluctance to move on is highlighted in the picture above. I can’t seem to say good-bye to my garden. My planters on the patio are having a hard time saying good-bye to me too. They just keep growing. Every couple days, I think I should go out and empty them in preparation for Winter, but I can’t. So, I placed a small pumpkin in each one to gently signal to them and me, that it’s time to move on. This transition to Fall was the focus of a Firstfruit’s member event a couple weeks ago. We gathered at my house for a Forest Therapy session. Our guide, Allison, encouraged us to go off in the woods and reflect on different aspects of our oneness with nature. After our time of reflection, we gathered together to share our thoughts and impressions. We told our stories of the impact God’s creation had on us. Allison then took our stories and wove them into one in the form of the poem below. Enjoy our woven story and this predictable, yet awe-inspiring time of year, when God gifts us with a reminder of His love in the beauty and the comforting predictability of nature. Joan   SEPTEMBER While we find ourselves a little fearful to Trace the veins of a leaf That look eerily similar to our own, September unearths many treasures, The scent of the leaf’s underside Transporting us back to younger years, Connecting the veins of a life To a greater whole. Reclining like Cleopatra With trees fanning us luxuriously, We hope for grapes from the Harvest Moon, As we relax into being ourselves Just being—no doing, no deciding. There’s no urgency to pick paint colors As the trees have already chosen Colors that will be revealed very soon. Squirrels visible through the canopy Racing up and down trunks Instinct telling them when enough is enough In their nut-filled caverns. Deer peek through trees Wondering why we’re holding owl feathers And acorns and rocks and a big stick, Envious of treasures we’re going to take home. How...

Recipe for Victory

Last week I wrote about the devil. I don’t usually like to give the devil a lot of press, but I do feel compelled to tell you one more thing about him, and then I will be done. I promise. I mentioned last week that it seems the devil is alerted when we decide to just be. Those times, when we stop the doing and busyness and desire to spend time in quiet being, seem to be when we can become captive to negative or anxiety producing thoughts. There is another time, when it seems the devil is alerted, and this week, I wanted to write to you about that. Whenever we find ourselves using our God-given gifts to do good, a scouting report seems to get back to the devil, and it sets potentially destructive wheels in motion. Whether grandiose or barely noticeable, when our words, actions, or intentions are focused on building the kingdom of God here on earth, red flags go up. Helping a stranger, encouraging a discouraged friend, sharing our God stories, organizing a community building event, or joining the board of a faith-based organization, these are just a few of the ways, big and small, that we use our gifts to bring Christ to our world. The devil doesn’t like this and will do whatever it takes to stop us. He stops us by very subtle but powerful means. He knows our trigger points and fires right at them. He fills our minds with whatever is sure to paralyze us and render us ineffective. For some of us that is doubt or discouragement, memories of past failures, or reminders of perceived inadequacies. For others it’s fear and anxiety. I fall into that last category. My call and my gifts center around helping others find God. Anytime I find myself using those gifts, I can be sure a bout of anxiety is right around the corner. Out of nowhere, anxious thoughts pop up. That fact used to cause me pause, but I know now what it really is, and I know I have an ally in my corner more powerful than anything the devil can throw at me. I want to share with you what I have learned from my years on the battle field. I am nowhere near conquering all of the attacks in timely fashion but I have made strides. My recipe for Victory: 1Cup of Self Care I have found I am...