The Lazy River
This week I finally sent the email canceling our family trip we had planned for the end of May. To celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary we were going to take our three adult children and their spouses on a tropical vacation. The resort we were going to boasts of the largest and longest Lazy River ride in the world. As the reality of winter in Wisconsin was bearing down hard these last months, I would close my eyes and just picture myself on one of those big inner tubes floating down the lazy river with the sun kissing my face. Not a care in the world. Just letting the movement of the water take me wherever I needed to go. Total peace. That lazy river will have to wait. But I seem to have found myself in another lazy river of a very different kind. During this third week of social distancing I have found myself surrendering. I’m waving the white flag. I feel as though I have settled into it a bit. I have come to the realization I can’t wish this nightmare away, I can’t worry it away, I can’t eat it away, and I can’t control it away. It is here to stay, for now. What I must do is accept that reality. I had gotten tired of the undercurrent of anxiety and the battle to fight it. Instead of fighting the current, I decided to settle into it. To let it win. I’ve entered God’s lazy river ride. It’s calling me. I’m going to let the movement of these unchartered waters take me where I need to go. Take me to places where God knows I need to go. I have to trust, be open, and be content. Lay back and go with the movements. It’s so much more peaceful than the fight. I have to admit, I do still stick my leg out once in a while to try and touch the wall and feel like I am in control again, but soon realize it’s pointless. As we begin this holiest of weeks in this craziest of times, settle into this lazy river of God’s complete and perfect love for you. Sit back, relax, and let him take you where it is you need to go with him. On this ride to Easter, let him show you sights you may never have seen before and draw you closer than you ever imagined. Let...
These Puzzling Times
My sanity saver during this time of social isolation has been a one-thousand-piece puzzle. I was never a big puzzle person but desperate times call for desperate measures. Working on a puzzle to me was right up there with showering once a week and blaring the TV as signs of “the next phase” in life that I am trying to deny. But as hard as I try, the mirror, and the guy on my couch full time now make it undeniable. Time has marched on. What is so awesome about working on a puzzle though is seeing it go from total chaos, disarray and fractured pieces to harmony, beauty, and oneness. From many to one through connection. A beautiful picture evolves from connecting the many individual pieces. Last week I shared my “Lessons From a Virus” blog that included some observations and lessons that have come out of these last few weeks. This week the lesson I have learned is the importance of connection. Real connection. Virtual meetings, classrooms, and masses will have to do for now, and I am grateful for them. They really have shown me, however, how much I miss real connection. Connection with my family, friends, and my faith. The old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” couldn’t be more true. Maybe the absence of real connection has brought with it an awareness of how much we need each other and need a living, meaningful faith. One of the many hidden gems to be mined during this tough time. Without this connection to others, we can find ourselves in chaos, disarray, and fractured liked the puzzle pieces. Ask any mom or dad of small children these days! Without this connection to a living and meaningful faith, we can find ourselves in chaos, disarray, and fractured as we let anxiety and fear take the wheel instead of the hope that our faith promises. Maybe that’s what this is all about. The proverbial hit on the head or slap across the face that brings us to an awareness of just how crucial our connections are. We should never take them for granted. We need to nurture them, grow them, maintain them at all costs. How are the relationships in your life? Anyone you need to reconnect with? How alive and meaningful is your faith life? Is there a kink in your connection to God? Harmony, beauty, and oneness can be the scene at the end of this...
Lessons From a Virus
In some ways I am feeling responsible for the Corona virus outbreak. I’ve heard it said that when you pray to God for things like more patience, courage or perseverance, he doesn’t wave a magic wand and poof, you are patient, brave or the Energizer Bunny. Instead, he gives you opportunities to practice those things, to acquire them through discipline, resolve and grace. Well as you recall, I have devoted this Lent to giving up control. I earnestly desired to grow in my ability to hand things over to God, to “set it down.” To shift my default button in life from fear and control to acceptance and gratitude. What better opportunity to practice that then a Corona virus pandemic! I have really struggled this week to write a blog. There is so much that has been occupying my socially isolated mind that it is hard to distill it into a couple paragraphs. I fluctuate between the intense sadness and seriousness of it all and the intense absurdity of it all. Our granddaughter Maggie turned six on March 19. So Papa and I dropped her gift off and stood outside while she opened it. (See the pic). Then we drove right home and hunkered back down. Absurd. But so grateful we are celebrating something happy. Many aren’t and that is the serious, sad part in all of this. In an effort to provide a temporary distraction from the four walls you have been staring at I want to share some random thoughts, lessons and humor I found so far in this enormous opportunity God has given me to practice letting go of control. The first thing to go was the need to control my day. I had nothing to control really, but I tried. It took me days to just stop thinking so much about what I should be doing and just be. To let my day unfold. Remarkably, at the end of the day, what needed to get done, got done. I noticed a letting go of my need to have my husband live up to my expectations. (Don’t let him know that). The prospect of being with him in the same space all day, everyday, for an unknown period of time with no escape was the terror I needed to be able to let go, to lower those expectations. I found myself softening in my usual habit of ruminating and hanging on to offenses for...
Baby Steps
I just thought I would update you on how I am doing on my resolve to give up control for Lent. I was right; it’s much harder than chocolate or mascara. For the most part I am doing better than expected. I did have a few slip ups like when I was having dinner with my daughter and eight month old grandson who was keeping himself amused with a tightly folded plastic bag, banging it on the table. He loves things that crinkle. I had to ask my daughter if it was OK that he was playing with a plastic bag. That was my passive, aggressive way of saying, “He’s playing with a plastic bag, next thing you know it will be on his head!” (Which, by the way, would be quite a feat for an 8 month old to open a tightly folded plastic bag and put it up over his head. Especially his head!) (See above photo.) But I couldn’t control myself. I just had to control what I perceived as a potential disaster. On the flip side, I did have a few minor victories in the giving up of control area. The first day of my new “set it down” lifestyle, (See my last blog.) I went all day without making my bed. Sounds easy, but it wasn’t for me. I usually make the bed right away when I get up. You just never know what the day will bring and if I will have time to do it later, so best to just do it. Well, the day passed and the bed police never showed up to ticket me for an unmade bed. My bed and I lived to see another day. A couple days later we had the family over and my husband was going to go to Papa Murphy’s and pick up some pizzas. I started into my usual litany of sizes, toppings, crust type and then this little voice said “set it down” and I stopped and just said, “Get whatever you want.” And you know what? He figured it out by himself and we all had just what we wanted. Last Wednesday morning my faithful Firstfruits partner Mary had the room set up already when I arrived for Well Time. The usual chairs in a circle with the “well” in the middle. However, this particular morning lets just say what Mary saw as the middle of the circle...
Control No More
So what are you giving up for Lent? I have decided to give up control for Lent. What exactly does that mean, you say? Isn’t that the opposite of the discipline of fasting that is encouraged during these 40 days? Fasting takes a great deal of control. Controlling our carts as they propel us into the unnecessary aisle at Target. Controlling the steering wheel as we drive by Kopps and the flavor of the day is Tiramasu, or controlling our tongue as the car behind us decides we are driving too slow past Kopps and lays on the horn. This is a different control, and yes, it will take a lot of control to fast from control. But I know my need for control is one of my biggest obstacles to a deeper, more transforming relationship with God. Not being able to hand the reins over is a constant challenge. Not being able to set it down. During the February Fire, winter workshop at Firstfruits last Sunday, we talked about Self Care. We were encouraged to ponder where we are in that discipline. As I was writing down things I could do to take care of myself, the phrase “Set it down” popped into my mind. I don’t really know what that means, but it was loud and clear. One of those moments of clarity and at the same time wonder. What is “it”? Who wants me to set “it” down? When did I pick “it” up? In the midst of the wondering, what was clear to me was that I really have been carrying a weight for as long as I can remember and I was tired of it. Just the thought of setting it down gave me a sense of peace and rest that felt so good, and at the same time so foreign. I’ve come to realize that cross I am carrying around, that weight that makes me so tired and keeps me from the lighter, lovelier life God wants for me is CONTROL. So, I am going to give up control for Lent. Wish me luck. It will be no easy task. This will probably be the hardest thing I have ever given up for Lent because it informs so much of my everyday choices, thoughts, and actions. But I felt a brief respite from it since yesterday as I made baby steps in letting go and it feels SO good. In the spirit of...
Video Evangelizing
We have exciting news from Firstfruits this week. Grab some popcorn, MilkDuds, or a glass of wine and join me for the “world premiere” of the new Firstfruit’s video! (see below) I promise you it will be the most inspiring two minutes and fifty seconds you have spent since the Super bowl half time show. (Don’t get me started) With this video we are a step closer to being able to really explain what Firstfruits is all about. If that is even possible. Many of you have shared with me about how hard it is to explain Firstfruits to friends and family. Believe me, I understand. I still don’t have my elevator pitch down. But isn’t that how it is with any working of the Holy Spirit? How can that power and transforming potential be put into words? How can an experience of God’s, freely given, no strings attached, love be adequately described in a sentence? These things need to be experienced first hand. Firstfruits is there to help you have those experiences. There are many reasons why we find it hard to talk to others about our spiritual experiences regardless of how amazing and powerful they are. It’s especially hard to share such intimate details with those closest to us. Extending an invitation to something like Firstfruits can be challenging. Now you can just send the video link and a smiley face and leave the rest to God! As we begin the season of Lent this week I hope you will consider joining us. And rather than giving up something this Lent, how about doing something each day to show your gratitude to Jesus for the ultimate sacrifice he made for you. Consider sending this video to one person each day. Help others find a place to be encouraged, inspired, and empowered on their faith journey and some remarkable women to share that journey with. The fruits of Firstfruits! Sit back, silence your cell phones, and enjoy the show! Joan [vc_video link="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bewlJK7QW5w&feature=youtu.be" title="This is Firstfruits" css=".vc_custom_1582064694414{margin: 8px !important;}"]...
Love 101
So you made it through another Valentines Day. Or should I say PALentines Day or GALentines Day? There are so many variations. How was it? On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being highest, how loved did you feel? How precious, important, and irreplaceable did you feel? And how long did it last? In the worldly pursuit of the inclusion, connection, and love we crave, we lose sight of the powerful love that is all around us every minute of every day of the year. And we don’t have to pursue it or do anything to receive it except to say “YES.” All we have to do is accept it and it’s ours. It doesn’t come in dozens or coated in chocolate. It isn’t there one day and gone the next. You never have to wonder how long it will last or if you deserve it. You just have to believe it’s real and believe it’s for you. That’s the love of God. It’s waiting for you. Crazy you say? Hard to believe something so amazing could be that easy to obtain. Nothing in life is easy; you have to work for anything that is worthwhile. That’s the mystery and the majesty of God’s unconditional love. Easy for you to say, you don’t know the real me. You don’t know my track record. You would be surprised at some of the things I have done, said, and thought. That love might be for some people but not for me. That’s the mountain of mercy in God’s unconditional love. And really, where is the proof of this unconditional love? How am I suppose to believe in something so abstract? That’s the meaning and the message of the season starting next week that we call Lent. What more proof of this amazing love than Christ’s passion, death, and resurrection. Stop the excuses. Stop the denials. Let down your guard and let in the love. Joan Want to experience that love of God this Lent? Join us at Firstfruits for these special events: Mary’s Way of the Cross- Wednesdays from 10:45-11:15 Slow… Simple,,, Soft, a Lenten retreat with Carol Sullivan on Thursday, March 12, 19, and 26 from 9:00-10:45. See our calendar of events at Firstfruits.info for details....
Given
This week at Well Time at Firstfruits we finished up our discussion of what it means to live the life of the Beloved. In Henri Nouwen’s book, Life of the Beloved, he talks about how there are four movements of the Holy Spirit that define the life of the Beloved. These truths are that we are Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and finally, Given. In fact we are chosen, blessed, and broken so we can ultimately be given to others. It’s in living for others that our lives find their true significance. Nouwen says, “True joy, happiness, and inner peace come from giving of ourselves to others.” I don’t know about you, but there are days when giving of myself to others brings me the opposite of joy, happiness, and inner peace, it brings me resentment, anger, and a headache. Can I get an amen? I realized of late, that it’s when our “giving” revolves around what we can do for someone rather than what we can be for someone, that we can experience burn out. The giving in the life of the Beloved is a giving of ourselves; our joy in living, our sense of well-being, our inner peace, and our grateful heart. It’s through this giving that we can be for each other. We can be the encourager, we can be the calm, we can be the truth, we can be the hope for each other. But you can’t give that which you do not have. I repeat, you can't give that which you do not have. Our exhaustion comes when we try to give what we do not have. We have to let God fill us with all he has for us so it just overflows into the lives of those around us, the lives of those he puts in our path. Giving becomes a way of life rather than a check mark on a “TO DO” list. That overflow happens naturally the more we believe in and claim our chosenness, blessedness and brokenness. We will be able to give to others our joy in living and inner peace once we truly believe and understand the truth that we are chosen and precious in God’s eyes and nothing the world says can change that. We will able to give to others our grateful heart as we become more aware of the blessings that bombard us every day. We will be able to give to others our sense of well-being...
Brokenness
The last two weeks we have talked about the very good news of our status as the Beloved of God, the truth of our core identity. What could be better than that? The truth of that statement, if we can really believe it, should set us free. Free from a lot of the chains that bind us. Things like low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, doubts about our purpose, loneliness, and rejection. The list could go on and on. On top of knowing we are the Beloved, we are also to wrap our brains around the truths that we are Chosen of God and Blessed. That is the what the life of the Beloved consists of according to Henri Nouwen’s book The Life of the Beloved. It’s all so wonderful. My practical, cynical side says it just seems too good to be true, to simple, too wonderful. There must be a catch. This week we deal with the catch. Nouwen tells us that the third truth of the Beloved is the hardest and the least talked about. That is our brokenness. And we are all broken. If you think you aren’t, think again. For some it’s just harder to see. We often associate brokenness with people who are physically or mentally challenged but the brokenness that Nouwen says is more common is a brokenness of the heart. But who wants to talk about how broken they are? Our brokenness is very intimate and personal. Who wants to go belly up and say out loud that they are addicted to controlling people and situations. Who wants to yell it from the rooftop that they are overwhelmed daily with fears and anxiety. Who makes a point of letting their co-workers know the depth of their sadness? We don the coat of denial and keep on smiling. We might find temporary relief in the mall, on the golf course, with our secret stash of Oreos, or maybe in the liquor cabinet. But it never goes away, it just hides for awhile. Nouwen says there are two healthy ways to respond to our brokenness. The first is to befriend it. Our natural instinct is to deny, avoid, and ignore our brokenness. We need to face it squarely as a natural part of the life of the Beloved. In order to do that, we need to find people we can be broken with. Just as we talked last week about the need to surround ourselves with people...
The Dog Park
If I had to guess, I'd say heaven is like the dog park. Not familiar with the dog park? It's a vast open space where dogs and their owners can come and run free. Well, the dogs that is...