What I KNOW – The Formula for Forgiveness

Math is not one of my strong suits. Just ask my sister, the accountant. I manage to calculate the tip at a restaurant, balance my checkbook, and add up my golf score accurately, but not always on the first try. Algebraic equations, square roots, and the answer to that age old story problem of when those two speeding trains that left different stations at the same time, going different speeds, would intersect just aren’t important enough for me to want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I struggle to understand the relevance and the effect these formulas have on my life. There is, however, one formula that I have come to discover that is really important and worth committing the equation that represents it to memory. Its relevance is obvious if you are human and its effect is life transforming. That equation is: Mercy + Grace = Forgiveness I know that forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do in our lifetime.  Disappointment, rejection, criticism, and conditional love are just a few of the hurts we inevitably experience in our journey of life. The only balm for these wounds is forgiveness. The only way to forgiveness is a with merciful heart showered with God’s grace. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t mean you’re letting the other person off the hook. It does, however, mean freeing yourself from the bondage of that person’s actions.  It means trusting that God will ultimately make things right. This ability to trust and hand things over takes a power that only comes from God. In order to forgive we need a merciful heart, mercy meaning undeserved favor.  We need a heart that is willing to love, or at least like, the unlovable. It helps me to show mercy to those who have hurt me when I think about the mercy I have been shown by God. Thinking about the many times I have been given undeserved second chances and blessings in spite of my poor choices humbles me and softens my heart. In order to have a heart willing and be able to show mercy, we need God’s grace, pure and simple. We can’t do it on our own. I know, I have tried. I have tried to will myself to be kind, to show underserved favor to those who have hurt me, and at best it works temporarily. Inevitably, the old feelings creep back in...

What I KNOW – Humans Disappoint, God Doesn’t

For as long as I can remember, one of the main driving forces in my life has been the desire to not disappoint. My parents’ form of discipline wasn’t “spare the rod, spoil the child” even though a good spanking wasn’t frowned upon back in those days. My parents’ form of discipline was more subtle but still very powerful. Somehow, they subtly and lovingly got it across to us kids what they expected of us and I never wanted to disappoint them. I unknowingly adopted that same parenting style for my own children. To me, there is nothing more gut-wrenching and self-deflating than knowing that I have disappointed someone I love. It’s the sneaky motive behind my tendency for people pleasing. I put a lot of pressure on myself to anticipate and provide everything everyone needs which is down- right ridiculous. Somehow, in my mind, I see it as attainable if I just work hard enough at it. But no matter how hard you work at remembering birthdays, sending thank you notes, staying connected to friends, acknowledging achievements, expressing condolences, offering help, or curbing sarcastic remarks, you are bound to disappoint someone, somewhere along the way. My latest bout of disappointing a loved one has brought me to a breaking point in this crazy thinking. After much self-induced angst and cycles of beating myself up, then beating the other person up (figuratively speaking), I have reached a moment of grace in it all. God has reminded me that I, a human, will disappoint. Disappointment is inevitable. We can’t live up to anyone else’s expectations all of the time. We will inevitably and often unintentionally make choices in our words and actions that disappoint others. There is no way around it. The sooner we can accept that truth, the more at peace we can be. The more loving we can be to ourselves. Realizing I am not God, and only God doesn’t disappoint, has brought moments of peace to my crazy thinking. I was able to hand the person over to God and ask that He meet her in that disappointment and offer some relief and meet me in my angst and offer me some relief. And He did. I disappoint, God does not. This I KNOW. What do you KNOW? Joan...

I KNOW – Where God Hides Out

A couple weeks ago I told you that the focus of my blogs, going forward, would be telling you what I know. It was a directive from God years ago when I found myself doing a lot of speaking and writing. “Tell them what you know” has been my guiding light ever since. So here is what I KNOW, this week. If you struggle with church, if the binding of your bible has never been cracked, if you have never participated in the miracle of birth or witnessed the last breath of a loved one, you can still know God. You can still experience His love. You can still be overwhelmed with awe at His care for you. You can still know His desire to shower you with grace. All you need to do is step outside. I KNOW that one of God’s most visible and most universal hide-outs is in nature. Creation is God’s business card. He hands it out to everyone, everywhere. He is in the business of providing us with constant reminders of His presence, power, and detailed care for us. God doesn’t just stop at unconditional love which is in itself amazing. He tops that off by surrounding us with unnecessary detailed beauty that is pure gift and pure splendor. When we think of God’s splendor on display in nature, we tend to go right to beautiful sunsets, the Northern Lights, giant Sequoias, and majestic mountains. But what about insects? Take a good look at the picture that is at the beginning of this blog. This is a creature that met me as I was hanging a flower basket on the tree in our front yard. To really appreciate this masterpiece, you have to study the detail. This seemingly one-eyed, buck-toothed, chipmunk-cheeked dragonfly gave me a valuable lesson about the character of God. God has a boundless desire to shower us with beauty and delights. I am so grateful I was in the right place at the right time to witness this messenger of God’s creativity and God’s desire to surround me with undeniable proof of His presence in my world. It’s easy to see God in a starry sky, a little harder in a scary looking insect, but He’s there. That I KNOW. What do you KNOW? Joan...

What I Know

Years ago, I helped develop a scripture study called “Simply the WORD.” My part in it was to give a short talk each week about how the particular scripture we were studying related to our everyday lives. I felt a great sense of responsibility with this weekly task. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own and that I needed to rely on the Holy Spirit to move the pen across the paper, and as I got more tech savvy, my fingers across the computer keyboard. The words needed to come from God’s truths, not mine. I took my “job” very seriously. I would often sit in the little Adoration Chapel near our house with pen and paper waiting for inspiration. I guess I thought I’d hear better being closer to God. I remember sitting in the chapel one day and feeling anxious about that week’s talk. I was feeling more insecure than inspired. Then these words popped into my head, “Just tell them what you know.” I have those words written on a Post-It note (See above) that I have prominently displayed in my office. A constant reminder of how simple, yet wise and powerful, God’s instructions to us can be. For the next few months, (or until I’m told otherwise) I’m going to tell you what I know. I know you should unplug the toaster before you stick a fork in to retrieve the burnt bread. I know bridges freeze before roads. (So the signs say.) I know you don’t wear white before Memorial Day. I know the square root of forty-nine. This kind of knowing isn’t what I ‘m talking about, that is what Google is for. I’m talking about the fact that I know nature is God’s hide out. I know the Holy Spirit is real. I know that nothing I have done is unforgiveable. I know God is love. These are just a sampling of what I know. I can’t wait to tell you more. What do you know? Joan...

Easy Loving

Have you ever said to yourself, “I wish I knew God.” Have you ever tried to know God by praying more, reading more, or maybe hanging around others who you thought knew God in the hopes that it would rub off? Even with all the trying, do you still feel as if you don’t know God? This week in Weekly Word at Firstfruits, we discussed 1 John 4:7-8 in preparation for this weekend’s mass.  These verses have really stuck with me. Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. There it is plain and simple, the key that unlocks the door to the knowledge of God. That key is love because God is love. If you know love, you know God. Plain yes, but simple, not so much. With this knowledge of God comes a responsibility. That responsibility is to love one another. On an average day, how well do you love? I know I have fallen short in the love department more than I care to admit. I think that happened because I have always looked at love as someTHING. These verses have opened my mind to the possibility that love really is someONE.  If we can wrap our brains around the fact that God is love and if we abide in Him, we have the ability to love freely and fully. If we stay put with Him, stay tenderly connected to Him, then all we have to “do” to love is let Him out. We just need to freely send God into the people and the places we encounter daily. I tend to get stuck on my definition of love. I set the bar too high and consequently I fall short. I hold myself to a high standard for loving. Rather than working on abiding in God and nurturing a tender connection to God, who is love, I work on honing my loving skills and it becomes a chore that gets tiring. When I let the God love out, I find I’m pretty good at it and it’s easy. Sometimes the God love is very simple as St. Therese mentions in Patricia Treece’s compilation of writings of St. Therese of Lisieux entitled Mornings with Saint Therese. “All I did was to break my self-will, check a hasty reply, and do little kindnesses without making a...

Growing Up

A few days of significant rainfall and the world around me is coming to life. The lawn is getting greener, the bushes are budding, and the garden is fully awake. The ferns are unfurling and the hostas are shooting their tender, yet strong, stalks up through the packed ground. There is such a feeling of newness and promise in the air. It makes me want the same for myself. Have you ever wished you could reinvent yourself? Start a fresh. Be more of who God made you to be. Leave the old buried in the ground and present the world with a new you, the real you. Rid yourself, once and for all, of what causes you rot. Unfurl into a more authentic, genuine, and real you. With age, this desire to live our truth and the freedom that comes with it, often fills our thoughts, which can cause some real confusion and restlessness. It’s a good confusion and a purposeful restlessness. It signals that it’s time for growth and change. Maybe it’s time to be honest and have the courage to face the consequence of that honesty. In the cycle of life, there are times of transition. Times, when in order to grow and flourish in the life God intends for us, we need to make some changes. We need to move from where we’ve been to a new place. Part of this movement involves a letting go of thinking patterns and behaviors that don’t serve us anymore. There is need for a deep dive into the core of who we are and what parts of us we have buried under these patterns and behaviors. Shedding these things brings us more in tune with our real selves, the self that God has been waiting for. This isn’t an easy process. Our thinking patterns and behaviors are often so ingrained in us that we don’t recognize them and are unaware of the bondage they hold us in. With God’s grace and direction this shedding can be manageable and transforming. I have faced a truth about myself recently and am working on the courage to make the changes necessary to feel the freedom I know is waiting for me. I can sense a newness and a growth spurt coming on. My true self is unfurling. I have always believed that the worse thing a woman could be accused of was being needy. I believed that being needy was...

Nellie

It feels good to be back at my desk sharing my thoughts with you in a blog. It’s been too long since I have done that. If you remember, I decided to take a pause this Lent from my writing. It was a favor to myself and to you.  I know I can get really overwhelmed by adding too many new things to my daily Lenten rituals. I try to read too many daily reflections, listen to too many inspirational podcasts on top of ramping up my prayer time and depriving myself of something. A few days into Lent, and I am ready to give up. This Lent I paused. I let go of the need to be productive. I let go of the need to “do” Lent right. That is to do Lent as I had always done it in the past. I opened myself up to something different. I asked God to show me how to “do” this Lent. What did He want me to do? What did He not want me to do? How could I make the best use of these weeks to prepare myself to be open to the new life He had in store for me come Easter Sunday? In answer to my request, He sent me Nellie. (See the picture above.) My friend, Janie, needed someone to watch her middle-aged hound mix, Nellie, for a few days. All the dogs I have had in my adult life were hounds. I am a sucker for their human-like eyes and beautiful coloring. I eagerly offered my services. It didn’t take long to realize Nellie had some life lessons to teach me. She taught me the importance of rest. She slowed me down. I found myself just wanting to pet her every time I walked through the room she was in. As I spent more and more time on the floor with her, I began to feel such calm and peace. She taught me that sometimes the best way to get someone’s attention is to just stay close. You don’t have to say a word. Your mere presence can speak volumes. Nellie would sit herself down next to my husband’s recliner and just patiently wait for him to notice her. He always did and eventually she got just what she wanted - some love and attention. I’m working on this one. I haven’t mastered it yet. Nellie also taught me that it’s...

A Pause

In an effort to honor my Lenten hibernation, I won’t be blogging regularly for these next forty days. If you are like me, you have far too many little Lenten pamphlets and inspirational books gathering dust on your nightstand already, as well as links to blogs and podcasts in your emails. I tend to overload my brain during Lent and as a result, nothing sticks. I am going to simplify this year. Will you join me? Let’s keep each other in our prayers. Joan...

Lenten Hibernation

I found myself fascinated by an article in the National Wildlife Federation magazine this week. It was an article about how animals, birds, and insects adapt to cold weather. They use varied and creative strategies to protect themselves from harm. The monarch butterfly migrates long distances to warm climates. Insects, along with some fish and amphibians, produce an antifreeze that drops their blood’s freezing point. There is even a snow fly that can detect when one of its legs have come in contact with frozen ground for too long and can self-amputate the limb before the ice reaches its trunk. Then there is the strategy called hibernation. Bats, groundhogs, box turtles, and of course, bears hibernate. Some hibernate completely, others enter a state called torpor. Torpor is the state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility. Insensibility is defined as the lack of awareness or concern; indifference I think hibernation is going to be my strategy this Lent with a little torpor thrown in for good measure. The thought of slowing down and going deep underground with God seems very appealing. Becoming mentally inactive with partial insensibility sounds just like how I want to spend the weeks leading up to Easter. I see tremendous benefit in having a lack of awareness, and indifference to, the distractions that plague me. Hibernating from anxiety, fear, worry, self-pity, impatience, and my ego sounds delightful. Holing up with God and spending more time in prayer and quiet listening is exactly what I need to keep me safe from those outside forces that want to cause me harm. If we can slow down the part of our brains that fill us with negative and harmful thoughts, we will have more mental space for God to fill with His wisdom and His reassurances. Spending weeks in a state of suspended animation, slowness, and ease allows for a greater awareness of God’s presence. It fortifies us, so that when it’s time to come out of our cave on Easter, we are renewed and rested. We are infused with new life which is what Easter is all about. We have a few days before Lent starts which gives us time to develop our strategy for how to make this year’s Lenten season truly transformational. I suggest you join me and any groundhogs you might know in hibernating. See you in April, Joan Since we have our minds on creation and nature, it’s a perfect...

My Soapbox

The gospel at mass this weekend was Mark 1:21-28. In Mark 1:21 it says, “And they went into Capernaum and immediately on the sabbath he entered the synagogue and taught. And they were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as the scribes.” Verse 27 goes on to say, “And they were all amazed, so that they questioned among themselves, saying, ‘What is this? A new teaching! With authority he commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey him.’ ” Jesus spoke and acted with authority and as a result amazing things happened. People took note of him, they listened, they were moved. Even demons were driven out by his authority. Imagine if we spoke and acted with authority in our discipleship. Would people listen to us? Would they be moved? Could we be agents of change in our world? Metaphorically speaking, could we drive out the demons in our world? I tried it last week. It didn’t go very well. I was accused of being on my soapbox. That really struck a nerve with me until I thought about it and realized it wasn’t the message that was a turn off, it was the delivery. The point I was trying to make was about how our out -of- control obsession with, and addiction to, social media is a big factor in the faith crisis we see in the world. Too much noise in our brains and not enough silence. There is no room for connection with God. I forcefully tried to make my point by stating facts and trying to sound informed, like an authority on the subject. I should have just shared my own stories of how my obsession with my cell phone and Facebook and internet surfing had filled my brain with noise and left no room for God. And how much more peace I know when I curb my obsession and shift my priorities. That would have been speaking from the kind of authority that people will more likely listen to and be moved by. The authority that comes from our own personal experiences, revelations, and knowledge of God. No one can argue with a personal testimony of the power of God at work. They can roll their eyes, they can listen stone-faced, they can change the subject, but no one can tell you that your experiences are wrong. Our personal experiences of God, our...