Silence

I’m writing this blog as I look out my window at a winter wonderland. The last two days I have been on a “Save the Trees” campaign in our front and back yard. Rake in hand, I have maniacally been slapping and tapping the snow encased, drooping branches of the trees. I feel such a responsibility for them. I blame it on the Forest Therapy sessions we had last fall. Spending time in nature, with these trees, has given me a different perspective. It’s like they have come alive for me which makes it really hard to see them under such duress.  In spite of my efforts, we still lost one big evergreen and a young tree that just couldn’t hold up. Literally. It made me sad. The storm is causing havoc inside as well as outside. Our internet has been out for two days. Silence has invaded our house. It has taken up residence and is holding us hostage. My internet-dependent husband (who happens to have Covid at the same time) is left to his own devices to while away the time. He stares out the windows a lot and watches the crazy woman smacking the trees, in between snacking and blowing his nose. No NFL playoff game to watch or stock market updates. He’s living out, what I told him, was his biggest nightmare. Being alone with me for hours with no technological distractions. The chance of a God-themed conversation looming in the air. Silence for me is delightful. It hasn’t always been that way. I wasn’t always comfortable with silence, until I learned it’s the hiding place of God. The whispers of God are best detected in silence. It’s a holy space. Which makes me realize why so many people don’t know God. The greatest trick of the devil is to keep our heads full of noise and distractions. That’s a real easy thing to do in our tech savvy world. It’s a discipline and a practice to find the silence. Many of us work more at avoiding silence than plunging into it. There is a fear associated with just being. Why are we afraid of silence? It’s in silence that we hear the truth. We come face to face with reality. And that reality isn’t always comforting. We face the reality of our relationships, the reality of our confusion and doubts, the reality of unfulfilled dreams, the reality of aging, the reality of...

Epiphanies

Today is the feast of the Epiphany. The three wisemen, who have slowly been making their way over shelves, couches, and sofa tables, have finally arrived at the nativity set.  The 12 Days of Christmas are officially over. The tree can head to the curb. The poinsettias can curl up. The Elf on the Shelf can disappear to the basement. (See the Carey family live Elf on the Shelf above.) It’s a time to look back over our Advent preparation and Christmas celebrations. A time to reflect on the year past and look ahead to the new year. With all that pondering and reflecting, I couldn’t help but have a few epiphanies of my own. What exactly is an epiphany? Here are a few definitions I found: A revealing scene or moment. An illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. An unusual sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something. An appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being. I have had a few of these holy “AHA” moments as I reflect on my journey to the nativity this Christmas season. I found peace. Real peace. I made the illuminating discovery that if I can bypass resentment, anger, jealousy, disappointment, and feelings of unfairness and just love, I can find real, deep and lasting peace. In her Advent writings, author Kate Bowler says “The peace of Christ is very different from any worldly peace. It is not something we can create or obtain by mastering our own lives. The peace of Christ comes from an other worldly love and grace - a love that sends God’s son to earth as a vulnerable baby to show the world what love feels like.” I had a realization of the connection between loving and peace. I found joy. Simple, sneaky joy crept into my awareness like never before. It revealed itself quietly and powerfully in the very easy, normal moments of my Advent and Christmas. Simple delights seemed to pop up everywhere. Or are they always there waiting for us to put ourselves in their path? Without forcing it or “choosing” it, joy ambushed me over and over again. I had a realization of the true gift of joy God has waiting for us. These epiphanies were a part of my journey to the nativity this year. And as I prepare to take down the decorations and resume life as usual, I hope to return as the three wisemen did, by...

Blissful Confusion

Some moments in life are just funny. They stand out. They don’t follow the usual pattern. These moments catch us off guard and command our attention. They force a response. I had one of those moments last week. As I was approaching my daughter’s house, I noticed a helmeted Santa riding his bicycle in front of my car. (See the picture.) This struck me as very funny. It didn’t follow the usual pattern of my drive to my daughter’s house. It caught me off guard and drew me in. My response was a smile and a click of my phone camera. The moment I turned the corner and saw Santa, I had a momentary feeling of lightness, surprise, and joy. Even now when I look at the picture, it makes me laugh and allows me to conjure up that moment of surprise again. Those moments are so rare but so powerful. They have the power to move us from our very calculated thoughts of what to expect, to a place of momentary blissful confusion. My mind registered something confusing but at the same time it registered joy. All in a millisecond. A place of blissful confusion best describes my spiritual life. Over the years, I have spent many hours in small faith-sharing groups where we have deep and rich conversations about all aspects of our faith, only to come away still confused about a lot of things, but feeling ok about that. Feeling blissful in the confusion. Because at the very heart of it all is God. And I know God wants more than anything for us to know him. God reveals himself to us and smiles on our efforts to recognize and believe. It’s those darn calculated thoughts that get in the way. Our calculated thoughts might get us through our daily lives, but they cause a lot of trouble in our spiritual lives. We have to remain open to surprises, open to revelations coming from places we would never expect, open to the moments when life as we see it doesn’t make sense.  Those moments bring us closer to God. This time of year, my thoughts often go to Mary, the mother of Jesus. Imagine how surprised she was to find out she was pregnant and that her baby was to be the Son of God. That day the angel Gabriel showed up to announce the conception of Jesus didn’t exactly follow the...

Simply Amazing

Are you willing to be amazed? That was the title of a reflection I read last week and it really had me pondering. When was the last time you let yourself simply be amazed? A time when you let awe and wonder take over your usual analytical approach to life and its happenings. How often we forfeit our sense of awe and wonder, that God-given gift that is the gateway to our understanding of just who God is. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel talks about wonder leading to radical amazement and its essential place in the beginnings of wisdom, true wisdom that informs and sustains our faith.  “The beginning of awe is wonder and the beginning of wisdom is awe.” Awe is the sense for the mystery beyond all things. It enables us to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance. Are you still with me? This can sound confusing but it shouldn’t be. God has gifted us with wonders in abundance. Wonders that, if we are open to them and aware of them, can lead us to an abundance of awe and amazement that can make our lives almost magical. How do we tap into this gift? How do we find it again? Spend some time with children. The capacity for awe, wonder, and amazement is on vivid display in the faces of children especially at this time of year. Their minds are aware of the awesomeness around them and their hearts are open to the joy it brings. They don’t have to make sense of the flying reindeer. They don’t have to worry about the accumulation of snow. They don’t care if that tree full of sparkling do-dads isn’t standing straight. They just take it all in and store it in their hearts as something good about life. As we grow, our capacity for awe, wonder, and amazement doesn’t seem to grow with us. Quite the opposite happens. We tend to lose our awareness of the wonders around us. Our hearts grow more skeptical and cynical than open. We’ve learned to analyze, predict, and control instead of just taking in the wonders and storing them in our hearts as something good about life, something good about God. During Advent we are encouraged to be on watch. Be vigilant. Let’s be on watch for the wonders that God will provide for us. Those inexplicable moments of grace when our childlike sense of awe and amazement...

Advent Resolutions

Today is the first day of Advent. Just as New Year’s Day is the start of a new calendar year, Advent is the start of a new church year. Which makes it the perfect time to start over. Start afresh. A perfect time to think about and prepare for the birth of a baby, not only in a manger thousands of years ago, but in our lives every day. How can we prepare a place in our hearts for that baby? What resolutions can we make in this new church year that will make our hearts the perfect birthing place for Jesus ...

Cheese Ball Generosity

The gravy boat and the carving knife are laid to rest for another year. Simultaneously, the warm fuzzy feelings of gratitude for all my blessings that permeated Thursday seem to quickly turn into confusion Friday. This time of year, I feel a strong pull to give back in response to the blessings that become so real on Thanksgiving: the bounty of food, the coziness of the home we gather in, our health, and the beauty of the love in our family. God has been so generous to me; I want to give back generously but lately that desire has really stressed me out. I don’t think generosity should work that way.  It shouldn’t be over calculated and complicated. It’s just that with all the solicitations in the mail, it’s so hard to figure out who and what to donate to. Behind the free stuff: the customized return address labels, Christmas cards, sun catchers, socks and address books, are very needy and legitimate organizations that are doing so much good. I want to support them all but I can’t. How do I decide? How do you decide? The Bible tells us how simple generosity can be. 1Tim 6:19b   Be generous and willing to share. Acts 20:35   Giving is better than receiving. Heb 13:16    Do not forget to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. But it also says in 2Cor 9:6- 8, “Whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly and whoever sows generously will reap generously.” How do I know what is “generously”? I invited my two oldest grandchildren, Emily (13) and James (11), to join me on Friday to shop for the older kids on the Christmas Toy Donation list that the MacCanon Brown Homeless Sanctuary had given Firstfruits. It was such a fun day for the three of us. For the most part they filled the cart with items for others, except for the bucket of cheese balls they very stealthily stashed when I wasn’t looking. I found a freedom at first as we loaded the cart with six of this and four of that, way more than I normally buy at one time. As the day went on, I found myself getting more calculated and the giving became more complicated. That freedom was gone. I felt something creep in. One of the definitions of generosity I found said, “Generosity is the virtue of being willing and liberal in giving. Free from pettiness in character and mind.” Was it pettiness...

To You All

Linda, the presenter at Well Time and More at Firstfruits on Wednesday, started her presentation asking us to express what feeling we were recognizing in ourselves at that moment. I immediately knew what mine was, gratitude. Gratitude that on a random mid-week day at 10:00 in the morning, I could be sitting in a circle of chairs in a beautiful room, surrounded by twelve other like-minded women, learning how to be better human beings. Whenever I sit in a group at Firstfruits and take it all in, I’m reminded of God’s love for women. How precious our souls are to God. How eager God is to provide us with just what we need through each other. During this week of thanks, I want to let you all know how deeply grateful I am for your “presence” in my life and the life of Firstfruits. Some of you I get to spend time with face to face, some I only know from a little box on my computer, and some I only know from your kind and encouraging email responses to the blogs. You’re all a presence of God’s faithfulness, encouragement, and love in my life. And for that I give you my heartfelt thanks. Joan I Have Just Said – a poem by Mary Oliver I have just said something ridiculous to you and in response, your glorious laughter. These are the days the sun is swimming back to the east and the light on the water gleams as never, it seems, before. I can’t remember every spring, I can’t remember everything--- so many years! are the morning kisses the sweetest or the evenings or the in-betweens? All I know is that “thank you” should appear somewhere. So, just in case I can’t find the perfect place--- “Thank you, thank you.”...

Home Is Where the Heart Is

How many times have you moved? I counted up the moves I have made since going away to college and it adds up to seven. That includes a move from Chicago to Milwaukee. The east side of Milwaukee to the Sherman Park area. A move to Wauwatosa. A move to a house in Elm Grove, a condo, and then back to a house. Looking back on all these moves, it makes me realize more than ever that home really is where the heart lies. It’s not about the bricks and mortar. We can get very sentimental about the places we have lived. The first home we inhabited as a married couple. The first home we bought or rented with our hard-earned money. The home that welcomed the babies. The home that celebrated the promotion. The home the trolley pulled up to on the day of the wedding. The home that entertained the grandbabies. The home that echoes with a quiet that is well earned. A quiet where we can rest with God. That last home is where we moved my mother-in-law, Janice, last week. A year ago, she was still providing the 28 of us with a delicious Thanksgiving feast. She turned 90 in May and after a few scary falls and a deterioration of her eyesight, she made a very courageous decision. She told us, “It was time.”  We didn’t have to initiate her move, she did that herself. And for that we love her even more. She moved from her love worn, five-bedroom home in the quaint farming community of Mineral Point to a small but ample room in an assisted living facility very near her hometown. There have been a steady stream of phone calls and visitors since she moved in.  A testimony to her big heart. When my husband and I visited her last week, we took her back to the big house so she could check on things and my husband could dismantle the shrine of trophies and medals and high school mementos that still collected dust in his old room. As we were walking out the back door, I realized the truth in that saying. Home really is where the heart is.  She takes home with her wherever SHE is. She is home. 2 Corinthians 5:1 says, “For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not...

It’s Always Been There

The spectacular fall colors were the perfect backdrop for our Forest Therapy walks at Firstfruits with our gifted guide Allison. (See pictures below.) We learned the valuable practice of slowing down and allowing our senses to come alive to the often-overlooked treasures God provides in nature. The sights, the sounds, the smells, and the textures are signs of God’s tender and thoughtful love for us. Pure gift. We can live without swaying tall grasses, mighty towering trees, hollowed out acorns, and giant puffball mushrooms, but what a boring life that would be. Nature is God’s icing on the cake. As one participant shared, “I can’t believe all of this has always been there and I’m just finding it now.” Finding and learning to love what is right in front of us, and acknowledging God’s fingerprints and footsteps in all of it, is the very foundation of any religious seeing according to Fr. Richard Rohr. And it is the beginning of the path to loving our neighbor. Perhaps once we can see God in plants and animals, we might learn to see God in our neighbors. And then we might learn to love the world. Before they are all gone, take a moment this week to admire the beauty of the leaves. Take in the smells of autumn, touch the prickly remnant of a coneflower or the pale brown whisp of a tall grass, and thank God for his abundant gifts. Joan   For all the great thoughts I have read For all the deep books I have studied None has brought me nearer to Spirit Than a walk beneath shimmering leaves. Golden red with the fire of autumn When the air is crisp And the sun a pale eye, watching. I am a scholar of the senses. A theologian of the tangible. Spirit touches me and I touch Spirit Each time I lift a leaf from my path A thin flake of fire golden red Still warm from the breath that made it. Choctaw elder Steven Charleston...

The Old Maid

Halloween is right around the corner. That time of year when a drive around the neighborhood sends chills down your spine. It seems like the appropriate time to devote a blog to someone else who used to send chills down my spine.  His name starts with a “D” and ends with “evil”. I usually don’t like to give him a great deal of press, he’s not worth it. But it is wise, once in a while, to remind ourselves of his presence and the importance of being aware of just how he works. I’ve always had a very stereotypical image in my mind whenever I heard the word devil. But not anymore, thanks to a dream I had the other night.  He showed up as an old lady in a red nightgown with glasses and a big gray bouffant hairdo, like the Old Maid in that classic children’s card game. In my dream I knew it was the devil. She was trying to scare me, so I picked her up and stuffed her into a trash chute. You know, the kind that you often find in apartment buildings. Then I woke up. I pondered what the Old Maid disguise was all about. How odd to see the devil as a cute old grandma. Then, it hit me. It illustrated what the devil’s most powerful and evil trick is. Deception. Most often, that deception comes when we allow ourselves to be tempted down the path of wild imaginings. We imagine someone thinks badly of us. We imagine something bad is going to happen to us or to someone we love. We imagine the test result will be malignant. We imagine our spouse has been unfaithful. We imagine our co-workers are talking about us behind our back. We imagine everyone else is smarter, happier, more capable, more interesting, more productive, and just plain more, than we are. Before we know it, these imaginings become our truth. We’ve let the Old Maid move in when we should have stuffed her in the trash chute. How helpless and vulnerable we can feel when we let ourselves be fooled. How much unnecessary fear, sadness, and anger we can rouse in ourselves and others when we believe what isn’t the truth. When we believe our wild imaginings. It’s at those times that we have lost sight of God’s truth. We need to refocus on the One who can show us the truth. The...