Lent in a Bag

At the mini-Lenten retreat last Monday at Firstfruits, we were introduced to a unique concept - Lent in a Bag. Jacque, the facilitator, provided each of us with a small muslin bag, and by the end of the morning, our bags were filled with reminders of what Lent is all about. There was a tiny bag of sand to remind us of this desert time when we are to use the silence and solitude to listen to God. There was a seashell to represent our baptism and the need to renew the promises we made, or our godparents made for us, on that day. There was a small stone to use to reflect on the stony places in our hearts that need transformation. There was a packet of seeds to remind us of the hope and transformation that is coming at the end of our Lenten journey. There was a candle to remind us to be a light in a world that is in such darkness. There was a clothespin, that looks kind of like a person. It’s a symbol of Jesus’s humanity and reminds us that we too can reflect the Divine in our humanity. The last item, the clothespin that represents Jesus, had the most significance for me. It’s become a part of my prayer time as I clip it over my heart to remind me that God loves me and I need to accept that truth and stop putting up obstacles to that love. That is my focus for Lent. To let God love me. That sounds so simple, but it’s not. I have always known that Jesus loves me. I heard it often enough in songs and from the priests and nuns during my childhood. I think I believed it as a child, but somewhere along the line, I became less sure of that fact. I began to doubt and wonder about God’s love, rather than live fully in it. I just couldn’t wrap my adult brain around the fact that Jesus really does love me, and that his mercy and grace make it possible for me to be loved in spite of my shortcomings. It just seemed too good to be true. Nothing comes so easily. Those are grown up thoughts. And not true when it comes to God’s love. Last week, I wrote about the importance of becoming more childlike in order to grow closer to God. I have realized I need to be more...

Alice in Wonderland

On an uncharacteristically spring-like day this week, our one-year-old granddaughter, Alice, and I ventured outside. For an hour, I lived in Alice’s world. I let her take the lead. We marveled at the wind-blown leaves as they tumbled by. We double-fisted as many weathered acorn caps as we could, holding on to them for dear life. We crawled in the wet grass to investigate a stick. We let the intense brightness of the sun close our eyes and render us motionless. We patted the trunk of a tree. In that Alice hour, I caught a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven. Alice and I were in wonderland. Jesus often reminded his followers of the need to become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. He welcomed children and used them as examples of how we are to live. Simplicity, wonder, and curiosity are hallmarks of a little one. Everything around them is bursting with newness and inviting discovery. Their minds are always in the moment. There is no regret from the past or anxiety about what is to come. They trust without reservation. I believe this way of seeing and living in the world is what we are all called to. If we can manage to do it, then we experience heaven on earth. Lent is a good time for a reboot. A time to do the work of dying to our old habits and opening ourselves to a wonderful new way of doing life. Alice’s way Joan Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3...

Just Imagine

Apparently, I have a very active imagination. I’m constantly creating, redesigning, reinventing, and repurposing things in my mind.  I struggle with the status quo. I’m always seeing the potential in what could be instead of resting in the peace of what is. I thought everyone was like that, until I met my husband. He has taught me that you can actually make chocolate chip pancakes for the grandkids and not have to make a smiley face on the pancake with the chocolate chips. The thought never crosses his mind to use the trunk of a dead tree to hang homemade birdhouses from. (See the picture above.) And he lasts about a minute with a crayon and a piece of paper. Most of the time, I really like the gift of my active imagination. It brings me a lot of joy and satisfaction.  I marvel at it sometimes. I do believe it’s a gift powered by the Holy Spirit. That is, when that gift is under control. There is a downside to this active imagination. I can use it to create unsubstantiated scenarios in my head. I can reinvent the truth of a situation. I can repurpose the motive behind someone’s words or actions. Before I know it, I am down a slippery slope into resentment, discontent, and anger. All of my own making. A new Lenten season begins in a couple days. I have been thinking about what I want to focus on this Lent. I have decided I’m going to be more aware of when my active imagination is out of whack. When I am assigning motives to people that are not true, when I’m being judgmental, when my self-pity or insecurity causes me to fabricate a truth. When my made-up stories prevent me from loving as I should. In those instances, I’m going to push the reset button and invite the Holy Spirit to take charge of my imagination. On second thought, maybe I should just give up chocolate for Lent. That sounds more doable. But so unimaginative. Joan I hope you can join us for our Firstfruits Lenten mini-retreat, Living Lent With Intention: Packing Your Bags to Prepare the Way. Click here for a description of the "Living Lent With Intention: Packing Your Bags to Prepare the Way" event. Click here to go to the Firstfruits Registration page. ...

The Unknowing

As I am growing closer to the fourth quarter of life, more often than not, I am finding myself in situations that are perplexing to me. I used to feel informed and knowledgeable. Now, I feel quite the opposite. I have a new found awareness that there is more and more I don’t know. This unknowing hits me in the Apple Store at Mayfair mall. It became very apparent as I watched the Grammy Awards last week. And it’s extremely profound when I try to decipher the foreign language my grandkids use to speak to each other. They get a real kick out of trying to explain the modern vernacular to this old gal. All this sudden unknowing has me a little scared and sad. It’s a reminder of the rapid passing of time. But it also intrigues me. It’s a call to learn something new or try something new.  That is a challenge I’m willing to take on. We deal with much deeper unknowings every day that can leave us scared and sad. The future of our country, our world, our church, ourselves, and those we love, are just a few examples. Fear of the unknown is a common thread that binds us all. Next Wednesday, February 11 at 10:00 we will come together with that common thread for “Well Time and More” to hear Betsy Gonwa teach us how to befriend the fear and trepidation and move into the unknown with gentleness and grace. With the examples of mystics like St. John of the Cross and St. Ignatius of Loyola, along with scientists and present-day authors, we will find the silver lining in the unknown. I “know” you will want to be there. Joan Click here for a description of the "Well Time and More" event. Click here to go to the Firstfruits registration page....

It’s No Yolk

Our grandson, Drew, is in first grade. Yesterday, he brought home the worksheet that you see above. The truth in his words is so simple, yet so powerful. Imagine what the world could be like if this truth informed our every thought, word, and deed. The world would be what we all are longing for it to be. Our unique differences come in many shapes and forms, not just colors. As a result of things like personality, education, family of origin, and life experiences, we present to the world in many and varied ways. Not only are there differences in skin color, but differences in political views, religious affiliations, how we prioritize our time, and what we spend our money on. The list goes on and on. Outward things that can cause us to forget that inside we are all the same. We are children of God, worthy of the respect and dignity that comes with that inheritance. The divisions and escalating disrespect in our world can only be repaired and healed by getting back to basics. The basics Drew is reminding us of. There are such senseless divisions in our communities, our families, even our churches, because of our inability to see through the outside to the inside. To that place where we are all the same. I sing in the choir at church. We are one choir with four different voices. We have sopranos, altos, tenors, and basses, which sound very different, but it’s exactly that difference that allows for such beautiful harmony. We need to view the world in the same way. Our dignity as children of God is that place where we are all the same. And it’s from that place, our song is to be sung to the world. If we can keep that truth in mind no matter what we look like, or sound like, we can bring such harmony to a divided world. And that’s no yolk, Joan...

Forgiving Yourself

It’s almost three weeks into the new year and I can’t seem to find the “want to” to take down our Christmas tree. I love relaxing in the glow of the tree at night with the room lights turned down. I’m in no hurry to move on. This Christmas, and the weeks leading up to it, were strangely peaceful and soul satisfying. I’m not sure what to attribute it to other than a gift from God. It’s hard to believe it or admit it, but sometimes I think God is happy with me. I feel a smile. How about you? Do you ever let yourself believe that? So often, I hear women share that they never feel like they do enough, they don’t feel worthy of God’s love, or they wish God would just spell it out what was expected of them and they would do it. Then maybe, they could feel that God was happy with them. A big obstacle to us feeling God’s pleasure is our inability to forgive ourselves. If you remember, in my last blog, as I was focusing on the upcoming celebration of the birth of Jesus, I posed the question, “What needs to be birthed in your life?”  I realized I needed to birth more forgiveness in my life. I have taken that to heart and have been trying really hard to be aware of when I need to bear down (pardon the birthing reference) and forgive. Harsh remarks, perceived slights, and bruised egos are tough to rise above. It’s real work, but we get plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness in daily life. I quickly became aware of something that really surprised me as I focused on forgiveness. I knew that I couldn’t forgive as I had hoped to on my own. I needed God’s help. I needed the fuel of God’s love for me in order to show love to others, through forgiveness. And in order to feel God’s love, I had to make it a habit to forgive myself first. I hadn’t realized how guilt and shame can lay beneath the surface and prevent us from knowing and feeling God’s love. It prevents us from feeling worthy of God’s love. As a result, it prevents us from being able to forgive others more easily. If forgiveness is hard for you, begin by forgiving yourself for weaknesses and short comings. Strive to be better, but never lose sight of...

Birthing

It’s been a long time since I gave birth, thirty-five years to be exact. But the memories linger for a lifetime. Giving birth involves waiting, surrender, and pain. The outcome, however, brings such joy, and leaves a permanent imprint on the heart. It changes everything. It’s life altering. This week we will celebrate a birth. The birth of a baby that changed everything for all humanity, a baby who became the model for us of how we are to live this life here on Earth, and a baby who became the Way to live life in eternity. When a new baby is born, we give a gift. As my gift to this baby this Christmas, I am taking seriously a question I heard in a podcast I was listening to last week. What needs to be birthed in your life? As I have been pondering that question, I have mentally traveled a sobering road of discovery. I’ve asked myself, “What in me needs a do-over? Where could I use a reboot? What good thing is slowly dying in me that needs new life, a rebirth, so that I can live more like the baby we celebrate this week?” Through this pondering, I ‘ve come to the realization that what needs to be birthed in my life is forgiveness. Now comes the waiting, the surrender, and the pain, but I know if I have more forgiveness in my life, it will change everything. It will be life-altering. What needs to be birthed in your life? Patience, compassion, unconditional love, generosity, kindness, selflessness - the list is endless. What change will be your baby gift this Christmas? Don’t expect it to happen overnight or under your own efforts. Invite God into the labor. Looking for a midwife, Joan...

Prayers For The Wait

Something strange has been happening this week. I have found myself doing things you don’t normally have time to do two weeks before Christmas. I organized the utility closet in our kitchen on Tuesday. Wednesday, I found myself recaulking the base of the shower in our upstairs bathroom, followed by such a thorough dusting of the upstairs that the AirDoctor air filter kicked into high gear.  Frankly, I’m a little afraid of what today will bring. I think this unusual behavior is actually an answer to prayer. I have been leading a Firstfruit’s series called “Reinvent Your Advent” and we have been talking about how to spend these weeks leading up to Christmas in joyful and peaceful anticipation, rather than hurried and harried angst. We talked about two prayers that can help during this Advent wait. Lord, multiply my time. Lord, give me the “want to.” Have you ever asked God to multiply your time? Try it. I really believe that is what is happening to me this week. I have gotten things done quickly and efficiently. I have made decisions with more clarity, and it has become much easier to discern what to do and what doesn’t need to be done to make this Christmas memorable, meaningful, and full of love for myself and my family. As a result, my time seems to have multiplied. Enough so, that I can clean a closet and caulk a shower. But really, those things were accomplished more from the answer to the second prayer. Lord, give me the “want to.” Who wants to clean a closet or caulk a shower? How many times do we find ourselves with a to-do list a mile long but a to-don’t list even longer? This time of year, I  find that I would rather sit with some tea and watch the snow fall, or snuggle under a blanket and read a good book, than tackle the season’s task list. I need some serious motivation. I need the want to. Try these prayers this week. There’s still time to reinvent your Advent. Look out cobwebs! Joan...

The Waiting Lies

I have one week of waiting in joyful Advent anticipation under my belt. The challenge I posed to you and to myself last week, to practice joyful waiting, did cross my mind a few times as I was out and about the last few days. Like when I was in a very long line at Kohl’s to make a return. Or when I was on the phone for a very long time trying to get a credit card issue resolved. Or every time I turned on the kitchen lights and saw the one burned out bulb that I had asked my husband to replace three days ago. These are all small waits. Often, we are called to endure much heavier and more significant waits. Waiting for test results, waiting for someone’s change of heart, waiting for an apology, waiting for healing. With this focus on waiting, I have discovered something that I never realized before. When our minds are in waiting mode, lies can creep in. This discovery was affirmed in a video I listened to as part of an online Advent retreat. There were four lies mentioned in the video, that can creep in when we are waiting. They are things we say to ourselves that threaten our ability to endure the waits. I am running out of time. This is a waste of time. God has forgotten me. This isn’t the plan I had for my life. Nothing good can come of this. If we let the first two lies take over, we tend to lose patience, take action when we shouldn’t, and end up making things worse. If we believe the last two lies, we lose faith and trust that God is in control. We lose hope. The wait becomes an unnecessarily heavy burden. We need to be conscious of when these lies creep in and recognize them for what they really are. We need to replace them with joyful anticipation as we wait for whatever it is we are being called to wait for at this time in our lives. Live in the peace and calm that God is with us in the waiting and in whatever comes when the waiting ends. Heading to the basement to get a lightbulb. Joan...

The Art of Waiting in Joyful Anticipation

I woke up this morning, the day after Thanksgiving, and gave myself permission to think red and green. I’m old fashioned, I guess, but I really try to stick to focusing on Thanksgiving until it’s actually over, then I think about Christmas. As I was boxing up the pumpkin placemats and chiseling the remnants of the stuffing out of the crockpot this morning, it hit me that in 28 days it will be Christmas. A shot of adrenaline coursed through my body. I don’t know why I had such a dramatic response. This happens every year.  I find I have to fight the panic that sets in if I let the world tell me when and how to prepare for the coming of Christmas. If I can let my faith inform me just when and how to prepare, I find I’m much calmer and at peace as I go about the tasks of the season. My focus is more on waiting and joyful anticipation, the heartbeat of Advent. These four weeks of Advent are meant to teach us some important life lessons. We are forced to learn the art of waiting in joyful anticipation. Waiting is an act of pausing which can be frustrating at this time of year when To-Do lists grow. Waiting seems to be unproductive time, but in reality, it can be very productive. Waiting is an opportunity to practice patience, cultivate hope, and reflect on what is really important. These are all things that we could sure use more of these days. In Advent we are invited to a waiting, but this wait isn’t meant to be passive. Our Advent wait is to be filled with joyful anticipation.  We are to take time to imagine what is to come - the birth of Jesus, and just what that baby, coming into the world, means for us. I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to practice the art of waiting in joyful anticipation these next few weeks. Take that disposition into all your Christmas preparations. See if it doesn’t make things a little more merry and bright. Joan...