What Do You See?
The picture above is the cover of my Ponder This book. Fourteen years ago, I put together a book of reflections, much like my blogs. Along with each story were discussion questions. I thought it would be a good resource for small faith sharing groups so I asked a group of friends if they would try it out. They gathered one summer evening in the back yard of one of the participants. Shortly after the discussion started, one of the women noticed an image on the fencepost that encircled the air conditioning unit next to the patio where they were gathered. Do you see an image on the fencepost? The image of Mary holding baby Jesus? Whenever I show this photo of that fencepost, which became the cover of my Ponder This book, and ask what people see, I get very interesting answers. Many say they see a bird. Some have seen a moose! Inevitably when I move the image farther away the true image becomes clearer. They needed a different perspective. They needed to shift focus from the details and take in the whole scene. They needed to see the big picture. Once you see it, you can’t not see it. It’s there in your awareness forever. The same is true for our faith life. Once we become aware of the big picture, we can’t not see it. It changes us. Author and minister, Howard Thurman, put it this way, “The central fact in religious experience is the awareness of meeting God. The descriptive words are varied: sometimes, it is called an encounter; sometimes, a confrontation; and sometimes, a sense of Presence.” I remember, early in my faith walk, when I first had the feeling that God was real. I realized God wasn’t only present in church on Sunday, God was everywhere. In every breath, in every smile, in every tear. I remember as my experiences of God being alive and all around me increased so did my awareness of a bigger picture. I sensed that my daily life had become a sacred space. Religious scholar, Mircea Eliade, defines sacred space as a place where there is an in-breaking of divine reality. As I grew in awareness of and openness to the movements of God in my life, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I found myself thinking about God more than not. I was spending more and more time in prayer. I craved...
The Lunchroom Table of Life
I was listening to a podcast recently and they were talking about the visceral response our body gives when we sense that we have been left out, not included. It’s a very real response that is wired in us. And it doesn’t ever go away. Most of the time, we don’t consciously realize what has happened; we just know we aren’t in a place of peace. Since the beginning of time, humans were not meant to be alone. Isolation could lead to death. There was safety and comfort in community. We aren’t meant to be alone or socially isolated. In fact, there are studies that show that with perceived social isolation come adverse health consequences like depression, poor sleep quality, accelerated cognitive decline, and poor cardiovascular function. When we perceive to be left out, our body lets us know with a strong mental signal. There is nothing wrong with us or fragile about us. It’s the way we are, all of us. Everyone has the same visceral response that needs to be tamed. Some of us are better at that than others. From the birthday party you weren’t invited to in grade school, to the after work get together that no one told you about, or the girls trip you realize you weren’t included in when the pictures show up on Facebook, life is full of moments of perceived “leftoutedness”. It’s inevitable. It’s the shadow side of connection. When we are included and made to feel connected to and prioritized by others, there is a powerful feeling of wellbeing. That side of the coin is powerfully beautiful but the flip side of that coin, that is, not being included, creates just as powerful a feeling that is definitely not beautiful. Sometimes the leftoutedness comes from a deliberate meanness in another, but most of the time, it is an innocent oversight from a good person. It just happens. Our job is to short circuit the wiring. Tame the visceral response we feel when we perceive to be left out. Other people will disappoint us, just as we disappoint others. Only in our relationship with God will we know true, lasting, and complete belonging, acceptance, and inclusivity. At those times when other humans leave us out, we can find comfort and peace knowing we are always God’s first choice. Really. In the big lunchroom table of life, know that you are never going to sit alone. Sometimes God sends...
My Me-treat
The term Staycation has become popular to describe when you vacation, at home. You stay where you are but take a break. I’ve coined a new term for when you are supposed to go on a retreat but end up not being able to go and do your own retreat at home. I call it a Me-treat. I was on a Me-treat this week. I’d highly recommend it. I was supposed to go on a silent retreat this week, but as life would have it, plans changed and I needed to be close to home. My sister-in-law Jean was recently diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer. It has really been a shock to our family. The situation necessitated surgery as soon as possible so she was scheduled this week. I didn’t feel right going off on retreat, so I decided to retreat at home. For the three days and two nights I was supposed to be gone, I lead myself on a Me-treat. I stayed where I was but took a break. I took a break from my phone, TV, my laptop, my car, my friends, my family, my usual schedule, and my work. I allowed myself to not plan, worry, control, angst, or wear make-up. I kept conversation and food to a minimum. I did this so I would have uninterrupted time to pray. A lot. I prayed mostly for Jean and then for whomever or whatever God put on my heart. I spent a lot of time holed up upstairs with a blanket, a water bottle, a rosary, and some books. I knelt in front of the handmade crucifix I was given by the family of my dear friend and mentor, Rose, when she passed away. When I bring out that crucifix, I mean business. Strangely enough, I found myself drawn to do a lot of deep cleaning on this Me-treat. I would pray for a while then scrub a floor on my hands and knees. (Not my usual technique.) I would then come back to prayer until I felt compelled to clean again. This time scrubbing toilets or dusting places I hadn’t ever dusted before. It was weird but it made me feel like I was doing something concrete in addition to praying. Like I was Mary and Martha rolled into one. It was like I was letting God know I really wanted answers to my prayers. I really wanted him to...
Holy Fun
I have written a few blogs in the past about faces I have seen in my food. There was the banana slice that was smiling at me and the slice of pizza staring at me with those big pepperoni eyes. Because of this, my family and friends have gotten into the habit of sharing with me any pictures they might find of food creatures. My daughter sent me a post with fun faces made from slicing a pepper in half. Of course, I had to try it. As I was grocery shopping for our summer family trip to Door County, I realized I had a red pepper on the list. I knew right away what I needed to do. I packed a pair of edible googly eyes along with my sunscreen and bug spray, just in case I might need them, the eyes that is, and boy was I glad I did. When I cut the red pepper in half that first evening as I was preparing the veggie tray, I wasn’t disappointed. (See the above picture) It was screaming for those googly eyes, literally. We had so much fun with Pepe, as the grandkids named him. He joined us at the table for each meal. On the last day of vacation when we had to clear out the refrigerator, it was tough saying good bye. Although Pepe face wasn’t quite so cute anymore. Time and heat had taken its toll. I’m not sure how this story relates to anything remotely spiritual or God related, exceptI really believe that laughter, fun, and silliness are just as much a reflection of our Godlikeness as piety, productivity, and purpose. Those three “P”s are more often associated with real value. But finding joy and laughter in any situation has just as much value. It’s an integral part of how God made us. It’s just not talked about as often. I don’t recall ever reading about how fun the saints were. Never on a list of holy attributes is fun ever mentioned. It seems strange to even use the word God and fun in the same sentence. But I think we should and I think God would be just fine with that. Let your God fun out this week. Do something fun for someone else. Be the fun you want to see in the world. Rewrite the words of the classic hymn - “Let there be fun on earth and...
The Teacher
I’m back. And it feels so good. I have missed my desk and computer. Sort of. What I have missed more than anything is the feeling of connection I had with all of you, and, to be honest, the feeling of connection I had with God when I share my thoughts in these blogs. Summer brought a different kind of connection though, which I have slowly grown to appreciate just as much. An example of such connection is in the picture above. I had breakfast on the back patio with this strapping young fellow this morning. And it wasn’t the first time. I have learned to recognize God’s presence and sense of humor in a much different way. Often, this summer when I would be sitting outside in supposed solitude, my gaze mindlessly traversing the woods, I would be startled back into reality as a pair of beady black eyes and a pointy black knob of a nose were staring back at me from a bed of leaves just feet from the patio. Once the momentary shock settled, I would just laugh. Laugh at the beauty and the gift that the moment held as this deer and I shared a bond of being one of God’s creations. That is just one of the lessons I have learned this summer. Fall is right around the corner. We know that because the school buses are on the road, the pools are closing, and the Christmas decorations are showing up in the stores. My grandkids are starting school this week and with that comes the excitement of seeing friends again, getting a new classroom, and a new teacher. They don’t always realize it, but there is also the joy of learning something new every day. The limitlessness of learning. And what a transforming effect that knowledge can have for a lifetime, on those who seek it. I like to think of myself like one of my grandkids, starting a new school year. I’m excited to gather with friends again more often. I’ll have a new classroom, less birds and deer and flowers, and more reading and writing and conversation. I do realize the joy of learning something new each day and the limitlessness of learning. I understand and have experienced the transforming effect that this gathering of knowledge can have for a lifetime when I let myself be open to it. This new school year for me...
Strangely Inspired
Yes, I am still alive. Have you missed the weekly blogs? I know I have. I think the Holy Spirit is giving me a break from any inspirations that would cause me to start typing. Instead, I have been inspired to do some very different things. I have been inspired to take naps in the screened in porch. I sit down with my laptop after lunch to write, and before I know it, the cool gentle breeze, the bird songs, and my full belly lull me to sleep. I have been inspired to rise earlier and commune with the resident deer that meets me each morning around 6:45 in the woods off our patio. We have a daily contest to see who shows up first. I’m losing. I was inspired to set up a hummingbird feeder, and sure enough, I have a hummingbird who visits regularly now. This morning he was humming “Amazing Grace.” Just kidding. I was inspired to buy a bird bath, and wow, I never realized how important personal hygiene was to our feathered friends. There is someone in there constantly, splashing around. The robin in the picture above made me laugh so hard. After creating a tsunami in the bird bath, he climbed out and just stood there with his feathers going every which way. It reminded me of myself in the morning when I’ve slept on wet hair. I guess I shouldn’t laugh. I was inspired to stop weeding and just watch as four baby squirrels took what looked like their maiden voyage from the nest to the playground of tree branches all around them. Still fine tuning their acrobatic moves but trying to keep up the chase, a couple of them fell out of the trees. I would hear this thud and see one of them scampering back up the tree to join its band of maniacal siblings. Then another thud and another quick recovery and off it went. I’ve never seen that before. Is that nature’s way or is this just a particularly squirrely brood? (Pardon the pun.) I was inspired to lay down a picnic blanket and sit in the front yard with our 13-month-old granddaughter, June, and throw fists full of grass in the air and squeal as it tumbled down on our faces. Over and over and over and over again. It never got old. I’m really enjoying these inspirations. They are subtle, varied, and delightful. Just what...
Too Much Holy Spirit
Today, I am suffering from Holy Spirit hangover. Yesterday was Pentecost Sunday and I guess I overdid it. I dressed in red, which I rarely do. I subscribe to a more practical fashion color spectrum. I have lots of black, grey, blue, and an occasional coral when I get flashy. Red is a little exhausting for me. But the choir was encouraged to wear red for mass yesterday so I obliged. As you recall from a couple blogs ago, we have been rehearsing the song, Surely the Presence, in choir to sing on Pentecost Sunday. Well, we sang it to an almost full church yesterday, which included my two sisters. I could barely get through it without crying every time we practiced, so I prayed that I wouldn’t get choked up for the real thing. The prayers worked, I didn’t cry, but instead my heart was pounding so hard I was convinced that surely the presence of the Lord was in this place and surely the presence of a paramedic would soon be in this place. I don’t know, there is something about that song that reminds me, in such a powerful way, that the Lord is present. For me, the Holy Spirit is the proof of that presence. Of the three members of the Trinity, I feel bad for the Holy Spirit because it always seems to be in an identity crisis. We seem to have the need to define it. Is it a dove, a tongue of fire, or wind? It seems so absurd that we just give up and go our merry way. What a powerful relationship we forfeit. The identity of the Holy Spirit is not in its definition, it’s in its doings. We come to know the power that lies within each of us when we recognize the workings of the Holy Spirit and allow ourselves to believe it. Our faith informs us about the Holy Spirit. Pentecost Sunday, the church focuses on when the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles in the Upper Room and as a result they were transformed from frightened followers to fearless witnesses. Scripture describes the Holy Spirit as the breath of God, present at the birth of creation and again at the birth of the church. And many times, in between. It helps me to learn through practical examples. I once heard that the Holy Spirit is like the electricity that flows through a cord that lights...
An Endless Love
When you read this blog, we will have had the last event of the 2022-23 Firstfruits season. We are gathering moms of young children for a special edition of our popular Well Time series. We are hoping to give these moms a time to focus just on themselves. A place to gather with each other and experience God’s love for them. That’s what we’re all longing for whether we know it or not. God’s love comes in such fun and varied ways. The tricky part is being open to it and not being doubtful or afraid to admit it when it comes your way. As I look back over this last year, I want to share with you some of the fun and varied ways God has shown his love in and through Firstfruits. A deepened prayer life in a very unexpected way Who would have thought prayer could be so powerful through a computer screen? God’s love can’t be stifled by COVID or anything else. I haven’t experienced prayer as deeply as I have during our Abiding Prayer sessions on zoom. Fun conversation over delicious lunches So many smiles and so much laughter at those high-top tables in the Kiwi Café as we nosh on the fan-favorite Kiwi Salad and homemade soups or chicken salad. And don’t get me started on the desserts! The wonder and simplicity of Well Time We have been gathering at the “Well” for four years now. In person, then to Zoom when COVID hit. We have spun off to a Well Time that takes place after an exercise class at a local parish and three other traveling Well Time’s to local parishes for Lenten sessions. One group didn’t want to stop after the first six weeks so they are continuing. We have women from Illinois, Minnesota, and Michigan coming to the well with us via Zoom. What’s happening at the “Well” you ask? Nothing fancy, just what we women were wired by God for: conversation, affirmation, a sense of belonging, and uncomplicated love. Stop by sometime. A creative and fun Advent season Reinvent Advent series brought the artist out in each of us. Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. It brought the artist out in some of us and the anti-artist out in others. You know who you are ;) So much fun regardless of the outcome! Expressions of love through God’s word God affirmed His love for us through the...
It’s Mother’s Day
Whether you are a mother of a biological child, adopted child, a classroom of children, or a treasured niece or nephew, caring about and loving another life to the degree that our motherhood genes take us is nothing short of miraculous and cause for great celebration. Or at least recognition. My Mother’s Days over the years have been a mixed bag of emotions. I’ve always been deeply grateful for the gift of being a mother. It’s just that for those years with little ones that gratitude got trampled on by the reality of everyday life and the lack of recognition for the sacrifices that mothers make. My friend Sally and I made a tradition when our oldest sons were four and five years old to take a walk on Mother’s Day. It was our way of doing something for ourselves away from the fray and it gave us an opportunity to reflect to each other that same care and love we daily reflected to our children. It was a time and a place to let each other know what good moms we were. We still do that to this day. She is out of the country this Mother’s Day but texted before she left. Now that I’m a mom of adult children, Mother’s Day is filled with that same deep gratitude but it isn’t trampled on anymore, it is bedazzled with the love and the deep pride I have for my children. They now reflect back to me the care and love that was my life’s purpose. I see motherhood in all its splendor and sacrifice, up close and personal in the lives of my two daughters and daughter-in-law. The challenges they face seem so much harder than just a generation ago. The way they handle them with such perseverance, patience, and grace (Even though they don’t always think so) is awe inspiring. I see the real presence of God in their strength and their unconditional love. Speaking of the real presence of God, this Mother’s Day is extra special. Our granddaughter Harper is making her First Communion. My daughter, her mom, has had the added tasks of a First Communion to deal with. The dress, the shoes, the socks, the veil, the party, and the cake. You know the drill. Just when she thought she had it all in check, Harper asked her, “Mom, how are we going to make this party different than all...
My List
For the past two weeks I have had blogger’s block. No amount of fiber in my diet can cure this blockage. It’s happened before so I have learned to not force things. When I try to force a blog, the Holy Spirit goes quiet. Kind of like my husband when I tell him it’s his turn to make dinner. The problem isn’t that I don’t have anything I want to write about. It’s quite the opposite. My head is spinning with thoughts but they aren’t pretty. I don’t like writing about sad and depressing things. I have decided to start reading the Bible from the beginning, just a page or two at a time. I’m currently at the story of Noah and the flood. It says in Genesis 6:5, "When the Lord saw how great was man’s wickedness on earth, and how no desire that his heart conceived was ever anything but evil, he regretted that he had made man on the earth and his heart was grieved." This very sobering description of humanity is what a lot of my thought are about lately. The world seems to be going mad. The other reason that it has been hard to put my thoughts into words is that they are so random. So, I have decided to share them with you in a list. My daughter gave me a journal-like book a few years ago called Listography- Your Life in Lists. It asks you things like list your proudest accomplishments, your favorite toys as a child, your crushes and the people you love the most. I found it to be a fun and easy way to take an inventory of myself. The question I came across last night was, “What would you change about the world?” That was the Metamucil for my blogger’s block. The Holy Spirit started speaking. So here is my list of a few of the things I would like to change about the world: Discrimination and racial inequity For a couple years now, at Firstfruits we have been focusing on trying to become more diverse. I have been blessed by the presence of two women of color on our board and in my life. Our conversations have taught me this isn’t an issue that will be resolved anytime soon. Its roots are too deep. But with the help of education and a LOT of prayer we can take baby steps that eventually can...