Lamenting
Every time I sat down to write a blog this week and last week I stopped. I couldn’t do it because I always write about what is real and ripe in my daily experience and for the last month what has been real and ripe and in my face is grief. So much sadness. And who wants to hear about sadness? But like I said in my last blog, we are supposed to be here for each other in the joys and in the sorrows. Sorrow is part of life and to deny it and smile it away isn’t healthy. Pretending gets us nowhere. It needs to be expressed. Our son-in-law’s mom passed away very suddenly while on vacation in Germany last week. I’m so sad for her husband, my son-in-law, his siblings, my daughter, and my grandchildren. The list goes on and on. So many people that I know personally are struggling these days. Some with serious health issues related to Covid, a friend who lost her mom, a friend who lost a son, a friend who lost a grandbaby, and a friend whose son is struggling to respond after a severe brain trauma. Too much oh Lord, too much. Where are you? When will it end? Why, why, why?? When we allow ourselves to express these real, raw, honest emotions, we are lamenting. And God wants us to lament. There are so many examples of it in the Bible. As we learned in Well Time this week at Firstfruits, lamenting means to express sorrow or regret. God doesn’t want us to mask our feelings. He wants all of us, all of our emotions, even our sorrow, our despair, our grief. He wants to hold us close, wants to wipe away every tear from our eyes. He cares about the parts of us that are burdened and weary. He wants to use our sorrow and anguish to draw us closer to him. Lamenting is the first step on the pathway to healing and hope. Can you have sorrow without suffering? Do they have to go hand in hand? Do you think we prolong the suffering by not allowing God to enter our sorrow to the extent that he longs for? Maybe the first step to letting Him in is letting Him know. Go ahead, lament. Joan A Prayer of Lament Lord, I know that you are faithful over all things, even the hard, dark times of my life. Help me...
Real Family
I’m not sure what a dream analysis would reveal of the dream I had last night. I’m afraid to think about it. I was at a family wedding with all our kids which seems normal enough. Sitting next to me, however, in place of my husband, was Fred Gwynne, a.k.a. Herman Munster from The Munsters TV show. We were holding hands. What does this mean? The theme that comes to my mind in all of this is family. Weddings bring families together. Our kids were all there as a family. And then there was representation from one of the wackiest families to bring some comic relief. That is something we all could use more of these days. Yesterday, in our Abiding Prayer session we experienced another sort of family. The family we inherit as daughters of God. A family of sisters in Christ. I’ve never really liked that term. It sounds so formal. But how else do you describe the sisterhood of women who are forever bonded by their love for Jesus and its resulting love for each other. There is so much sorrow and suffering going on lately and much of it has landed in our Firstfruits family. It felt so good to be together to share the burdens and sprinkle the hope. There is a spiritual classic called Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It is an allegory of a spiritual life. The main character is Much-Afraid. The story follows her path from leaving her past filled with fear and heading for higher places with the Shepherd. He promises good for her but it involves a journey. He promises to give her guides on the journey. Those guides’ names end up being Sorrow and Suffering. Not what she had hoped for. The Shepherd instructs her when things get difficult on the journey, to grab hold of their hands and they will guide her to where she needs to go. Most often when things get difficult, we rather grab hold of relief and resolution as fast as we can. But some things are just too big. And the only way through them is to grab hold of sorrow and suffering and trust that they will lead us where the Shepherd wants us to go. To where the Shepherd is waiting. Sometimes it takes a family to help us grab hold and hang on. God knew that and gave us each other. Your sister in...
Muchness
It’s three o’clock in the afternoon and I have been meaning to sit down and write this blog since 10:30 this morning. I just kept getting distracted, on purpose. There were the flower pots that needed watering especially in these last few weeks before the cooling winds and creeping darkness let them know their time is up. Bless their “impatiens” little hearts, they left their finest blooming to these last few weeks. A grand exit. There was the over-abundance of vegetables I purchased at Trader Joes yesterday, in my effort to replace sugar with greens, that needed washing and cutting. (I’ll let you know how that goes…) There was the pile of junk mail to sort through and clip all the coupons we will never use. Oh, and the bird feeders were empty and laundry needed to be done. Etc., Etc., Etc.…… All the while hearing the still, small voice telling me to write. But at the same time hearing my not so small internal voice telling me to fret and stress and over think. Preventing me from putting fingers to the keyboard. At Well Time this morning we talked about Inspiration and what inspires you. A quote from actress/comedian Tina Fey struck me. She said “Don’t overthink it, just go down the waterslide!” How often our over thinking paralyzes us and keeps good things from happening. We don’t use our gifts. We allow distractions, doubts, and fears to keep us from finding the muchness in life, and in ourselves. In Kobi Yamada’s book, Finding Muchness - How to Add More Life to Life, he says “Muchness is the full-hearted abundance of hope, joy and imagination that each of us has when we come into this world. It is there for us to love, to dare, to dream, to create and to live our best life. But over time, as we take on more responsibilities and worries, our doubts and fears have a way of growing with us. And because of this, we can lose much of our muchness.” I think another way to put this is the abundant life that Jesus promised us and the Holy Spirit fulfills in us, if we hand over the reins. A life in the Spirit is a life of muchness. A freedom to love, to dare, to dream, to create and to live our best life. Writing to you each week puts me in touch with my muchness. It’s what adds a...
Something Good
Do you ever have moments in life when you feel like you’ve just gotten a big hug from God? When your worries, whether justifiable or the product of your own unfounded ruminations, seem to disappear. When the hurts and resentments that have taken up permanent residence in your thoughts take a nap. When the beauty around you comes into such clear view that you feel like crying. That happened to me this week. On a getaway up north with three beautiful women I get to call friends, I had moments when the food, the sharing, the surroundings, and the ease and beauty of it all overwhelmed me. When those moments overtook me, not only did I get a lump in my throat, but the words from my favorite musical echoed in my head: Nothing comes from nothing Nothing ever could So somewhere in my youth or childhood I must have done something good. Maria and Captain Von Trapp exchanged these words in that moon-lit gazebo in The Sound of Music. For some reason (maybe because I am obsessed with that movie) I think of that when I feel those God hugs. Isn’t it funny that my first thought, when I feel goodness, beauty, and love, is to make it be a reward for something? It can’t just be. Reward, rather than divine love, because nothing comes from nothing right? Wrong. God’s love comes from nothing we do. It was there before we could do anything and never ends. I think God gets frustrated with us when we can’t just accept His tender mercies and glimpses of divine beauty as testimony to His unwavering, unconditional love for us. We don’t have to earn them or deserve them. They just are. If we could accept that and relax in it, imagine how much peace and joy would flood our days. I think that is what He has in mind. Joan Something does come from nothing I’m loved before I could Somehow from my youth to adulthood (and beyond) God continues to do something (very) good. Here is something really good! Registration for Firstfruits' new season is officially open! Check out our line-up of awesome offerings both In-Person and on Zoom at Firstfruits.info. I pray that you can join us and please spread the word!...
Me and My Bike
I found this gal at TJ Maxx this week and had to bring her home. She reminded me that I need to be resting and so I am. No blog this week, I’m resting with Him. I hope you are too. (See last week’s blog.) Joan...
Just Enjoy the Rest
I don’t know what it is about summer, but suddenly God seems very far away. I’m asking, seeking, and knocking, but it appears nobody is home. I know they always say when that happens, it is not that God has gone anywhere, we have. So, then I ramp up my spiritual practices to make up for it. More rosaries, more daily devotionals and scripture reading, and getting to mass before the opening song. I find myself reading scripture slower and being more deliberate in my prayer. All good things done with the right intention. Sometimes it all just seems like I’m putting on a show for God. Making our way back ends up feeling like a lot of work. I don’t think that is what God intends for us. Do you suppose this summer feeling isn’t a call to work for God, it’s a call to rest with God? Not rest from God, but rest with. Stop working so hard to be spiritual and use the energy and time to recognize God in the simple goodness of life. We’ve heard the verse “Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.” How about “Rest and see the goodness of the Lord?” How often our spiritual life just seems like a lot of things to do. It’s no wonder we wander at times. We need to take the time to wonder at all the goodness around us. This time of year, it’s a bit easier since the days are warmer, the trees and gardens are lush and green, and we find ourselves on vacations or staycations with family and friends. So much goodness all around. God is closer than ever, maybe just not in the way you think it should be. So, pull up an extra lawn chair, set out an extra plate of watermelon, grill an extra brat, and invite God to join you as you rest the rest of this summer with Him. Don’t fret if you feel disconnected and wondering where God is. He’s just grabbing a soda out of the cooler. Joan...
Where Do I Belong
I grew up in a suburb of Chicago. Niles, Illinois to be exact. Home of the Leaning Tower of Pisa YMCA. (See picture above) I’m not kidding you. Why and how, I have no idea. We never asked. It just seemed normal to me as a kid. Who doesn’t see a replica of the Leaning Tower of Pisa on their way to swim lessons? My senior year in high school, my best friend Mary and I decided to go visit her sister who was attending the University of Wisconsin- LaCrosse. I had no idea where that was but thought, why not. Mary and I took the five-hour Amtrak ride to LaCrosse and immediately, I fell in love with the bluffs and the fact that I was not too far away from home but far enough to feel like I was on my own. Mary and I knew we had found the university we would call home for the next four years. One fateful day my freshman year, while treating myself to a soft serve cone at the food center on campus, I met a tall, dark, and handsome fella from Mineral Point, Wisconsin and the rest is history. Part of that history was settling in Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee...
I’m Speechless
What more can I say? It happened again. See the picture above, that is my slice of pizza at my granddaughter’s birthday party last week. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read my last blog. I just love God, Joan...
What Do You Need?
A strange phenomenon has been occurring at mealtime lately. No, my husband hasn’t given up his meat and potato diet for kale and quinoa. My food has come alive. The picture above is a case in point. A banana muffin looking up at me at breakfast seemingly saying, “Don’t even think about it!” Below, is another of my run ins. My spoonful of oatmeal seemed to be smiling at me. See it? Or maybe it’s just me and my need for anthropomorphism (assigning human traits to non-human entities.) in my day. Yes, I have to admit, I need fun and whimsy to feel fully alive. What do you need to feel fully alive? When was the last time you felt fully alive? What were you doing? I have been pondering the concept of self-care a lot lately after listening to a podcast on the topic. Most of us think of self-care as taking time for a manicure, massage, extended shopping spree, or sleeve of Oreos. But those are all just band aids on the sore. To heal the sore, we need to know what it is we really need. And that doesn’t always come as easily as you would think. We spend so much time taking care of the needs of those around us that we often have a hard time defining what our needs are, let alone caring for those needs. So instead of healing the sores of life, we confuse self-care with escaping life. As Glennon Doyle mentioned in her podcast, our goal should be to live a life we don’t need to escape from. That is where God’s grace comes in. And only God’s grace. Ask any mother of young children. Or the wife of an alcoholic husband. Or the daughter of an Alzheimer’s afflicted mom. Often, we can’t escape our circumstances which can lead to resentments and all kinds of negative emotions. That is when we really have to lean on God and the face of God in the people and places and things that he puts in our lives to meet our needs. We are each so loved by the God who created us and knows us better than anyone. God knows I need humor and fun in my life to be happy and to feel cared for. I also need quiet, but not for too long. And I need you. The friendship of women like you has been the most powerful manifestation of...
Room For All
Let’s face it, the pandemic has affected all aspects of life including our spiritual life. Scientists and medical professionals worry about the long-term effects of the virus on us physically. I’m wondering about the long-term effects on us spiritually. I’ve had a number of very honest conversations with women who are experiencing a post-pandemic shift in their otherwise staid thinking on just what church means to them. It’s like their spiritual equilibrium has shifted slightly and they are feeling off balance, not quite as steady as they had been. The fear and the uncertainty of the last eighteen months has been a reality check for many of us. An opportunity to take pause and reflect on our spiritual habits or lack thereof. Anytime we slow down and reflect inward, feelings of confusion and anxiety can rise up. That’s good. It means we are growing. But often if feels anything but good. We can feel like we are in a spiritual crisis and in need of God’s “first responders”, a term that Word on Fire fellow Stephen Bullivant uses when describing the church in his introduction to Catholicism after Coronavirus. And by church, he means all of us. Pope Francis issued an invitation in his 2013 apostolic exhortation Evangelii Gaudium, “to be bold and creative in this task of rethinking the goals, structures, style and methods of evangelization in their respective communities.” That quote has been on the Firstfruits website since its inception. That is what Firstfruits is all about. We are God’s first responders to those who are hungering for a lived, meaningful faith. Speaking of responders, I was overwhelmed with the response to my S.O.S blog. Thank you so much to all who took the time to send me your reflections. Your responses were all across the board. They were beautiful in their depth, sincerity, and honesty, and in the fact that they reaffirmed in me the importance of making sure there is room for all in any new, creative evangelization effort. Room for those who are so angry at church right now that they couldn’t comment. Room for those whose first time back to church in person was described as “thrilling” and they “wept like a baby” when receiving the Eucharist. One woman said she missed “just taking a breath in a sacred place.” Room for those who expressed a sadness when church closed but also a new and enriched experience of God outside of...