Fasting

Over the years I have given up many different things for Lent. There was the usual chocolate, ice cream, or Carmel deLites. (Funny how the Girl Scout cookies always show up right around Lent.) Then I got more creative in my denials. I gave up the radio in the car, which made for some very long rides home to Chicago. I gave up watching Oprah on TV. Yes, I admit that was my guilty late afternoon pleasure. That added a long hour in the After School-Before Dinner abyss. And then there was the time I gave up mascara for Lent.  I don’t wear a lot of makeup but since about 1972 I rarely have left the house without it. In the rare occasions when I did, I inevitably got comments like “Are you feeling ok?” or “You look tired, are you ok?” Forty days of that was too much. That was a one and done. I never did that again. Come Easter Sunday I looked like Tammy Faye Bakker. For as long as I can remember I have followed the tradition of giving up something for Lent. I learned that it was suppose to teach us discipline and allow us to experience some degree of suffering which helped us connect with Jesus during this time when we focus on his suffering for us.  Along with prayer, penance, and almsgiving, fasting was what Lent was all about. I’ve had that understanding of the traditions of Lent my whole life, but yesterday another dimension was added to that understanding. Marilyn Malcolm, the author of The Disciple’s Wife, is facilitating a book discussion on her book at Firstfruits this Lent. During our discussion yesterday, she shared an insight into the purpose of fasting that we all found fascinating. When we fast from physical things we are to do it out of love for Jesus. So, when we are tempted to eat that chocolate, turn on the radio, watch the TV show, or apply the mascara, we are to deny ourselves and in that moment of temptation tell Jesus that we will deny ourselves because of love for him. Let that motivate the action, or lack of action in this case. As we do that more and more Jesus will fill that void we feel with his love for us to the point that we no longer feel we are sacrificing. It becomes easy. As it becomes easier to deny physical...

Coming Home

I remember how excited my parents got when I would come home from college to visit, especially my mom. I still have pangs of guilt when I think about it all these years later because those visits for me weren’t so much about spending time with my family as it was spending time with my boyfriend, my friends, shopping, and sleeping. One of my visits, in particular has stayed with me because of an unusual request from my mother. I was running around getting ready to go out that night. I was removing the pink foam curlers from my hair and deciding which Levi corduroy bell bottoms to wear when my mom came in my room and said “Joannie, sit down, I just want to look at you.” That bothered me. I didn’t have time to just sit with her. What was she thinking? But I did it. And what I felt has followed me to this day. It wasn’t until years later when my own children were college age that I truly understood what was behind my mother’s somewhat odd request. A deep longing to just gaze upon and be with someone you love so deeply. When children are grown and out of the nest, a mother’s life is full of imagining what her kids are doing, what is happening to them, how they are coping. There isn’t the everyday reassurance they are safe, happy, and healthy like when they are under your wing. The world has so many traps. To have them actually in your presence brings much needed relief from the worry and gives your heart someplace to unload all the stored up love. That longing of a mother for her child is a fraction of the longing God has for you and me, his children. Lent starts this week. There is a song we often hear during Lent called Hosea. It’s one of my favorites. The repeating refrain goes like this: Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life. God is longing for you to come home to him. To be safe from the world’s traps in his presence and let him unload all the love he has for you. To find new life with him. This Lent, come home. Give up all that keeps you away. Fast from the things that come between you and time for God. God is asking you to sit down and let him just...

Real Beauty

If I asked you to describe yourself in one word, what would I hear? Short, round, tired, or scattered? Maybe on a good day I would hear smart, fun, caring, or successful. I bet my new hand mixer (see previous blog) that no one would use the word “captivating” to describe themselves. That word has been on my mind a lot lately as I am reading through the book entitled Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge in anticipation of the Lenten series Tom and Carol Sullivan will be facilitating for men and women at Firstfruits in March. I looked up the word “captivating” and it means “charming” or “capable of attracting.” Not top on your list of personal attributes? According to the book, the feminine heart was wired by God to desire just that. To unveil a beauty to the world that is unique and capable of attracting. And I don’t mean The Bachelor television show kind of attracting. We long to be loved and treasured for the beauty that is each one of us. To be precious and enough. To be captivating just as we are. But the world does a great job of breaking our hearts and if we allow it, making us feel less than adequate. Our precious, perfect, unique God given beauty gets buried under the messages we get from the world. And its starting younger and younger as the messages bombard us from everywhere. Maybe that is why I received that random phone call eight years ago. It was a week before the very first Firstfruits gathering and I was praying about what I was going to get up and talk about as I welcomed the women who would be in attendance that morning. The phone rang and it was Fr. Don Zerkel. I had no idea who he was. He said he had seen an advertisement in the Catholic Herald about Firstfruits women’s retreats. (To this day I don’t know how that ad got in the Herald.) He said that as he was doing his daily prayers, the book of Ezekiel came to mind , in particular Chapter 16, verses 8-14 and he felt compelled to call me. He then said “Well, the ball is in your court now, God bless.” And hung up. Of course I ran to get my bible and read those verses. They were perfect. I encourage you to read them sometime. The last verse is...

Old Shoes

The picture above is what I woke up to this morning. And no, that isn’t my husband. Although I have seen that look in his eyes when I tell him I took some of his golf shirts to Goodwill. The picture is my friend Mary’s Huskie named Naly. Mary and I are high school pals who roomed together for four years of college and now find ourselves reminiscing about those good old days and struggling to remember details, especially names. A lot of our conversations go like this: “Do you remember that gal with the really long hair in high school, she was so cool. Oh yes….what was her name? Darn it, oh it’s killing me. Didn’t she hang around with that other gal with the longer hair, oh what was HER name……?” It goes on and on like that for quite sometime until we can just let it go and drink more wine.  I love getting older. Mary is like an old shoe. And I mean that as a deep compliment. You know the feeling of slipping on an old shoe that is molded just right to your foot. The comfort and happiness it brings is priceless. That’s an old shoe friendship and that is what we have. In an effort to shake off the cabin fever that I had been suffering from following the stretch of frigid weather the last few weeks, I decided to call that old shoe friend and invite myself to spend the weekend at her condo in the suburbs of Chicago. And she said “YES!” That is what old shoes do. It felt so good to have a change of scenery, good conversation, and a hairy four-legged companion by my side. (See the picture) Just what I needed. Mary is one of the “Elizabeths” that God has blessed me with. In the book of Luke in the bible we read of the Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her she was pregnant and that her baby was going to be the Son of God. Not a typical day. The next thing we read is the story of The Visitation when Mary leaves her home in haste and travels to her cousin Elizabeth’s house. And what a visit it was. We read of the joy they both experienced with each other and the supportive and affirming words from Elizabeth. Just what Mary needed following life altering...

143

I once bought a box of Conversation Heart candies and on one of the candies was the number 143. I thought it was a typo. I have come to learn that it stands for I Love You. “I” being one letter, “Love” being four letters, and “You” being three letters. Someone had a lot of time on his or her hands to come up with that. Couldn’t it also mean “I can’t run” or “A ripe pea?” All sorts of things. I like to think it refers to a verse in the bible, John 14:3, the ultimate valentine message. (Go look it up.) I thought of this because it’s that time of year again, the very pink and red time of year. It’s supposed to be all about love and romance and heartwarming sentiments but let’s face it, Valentine’s Day can be heart crushing too. I remember my days in college when I lived in the dorms and I’d walk past the front desk and see all the floral arrangements that were delivered from boyfriends far away and alas, none had my name on them. More recently, my practical husband and I decided to stop with the cards and the last-minute stop at the gas station for flowers on the way home from work. Because after thirty-eight years, we’ve said “I love you” in as many ways as possible (whether we meant it that day or not) and heck, every day is Valentine’s Day right? (Note the sarcasm in my typing.) The heart is a mysterious thing. It’s a very powerful thing, but at the same time it can so easily be crushed. It holds our deepest desires, our dreams, and our passions, but so often keeps them hidden under doubts, fears, and insecurities. The heart seems to have ears and it can easily respond more quickly to the world’s voice rather than the Creators voice unless we train it. The feminine and the masculine heart are very different. They both however were created to reflect the image and likeness of God. They are designed to bring life not only physically to our bodies but emotionally and spiritually to our souls, if we allow them to, if we awaken them. This Lent, at Firstfruits, we have an amazing series for men and women called Awaken Your Heart’s True Desire. Carol and Tom Sullivan will take us on a journey of discovery through the book Wild at...

Church to Each Other

I woke up this morning and, as usual, I asked my Google Home to tell me what the temperature was outside. She said, “The temperature in Elm Grove is 0 degrees.” I was actually excited to hear that. I saw the light at the end of the polar vortex! Which is coming none too soon for my husband and I. After this past week I think they should reword the traditional wedding vows to read “I take you for better, for worse, for rich, or for poor, in sickness and in health, and during polar vortexes, ‘til death do we part.” This stretch of record setting cold coincided with the tail end of my husband’s recuperation time following surgery right before Christmas. He goes back to work next week. So we had the opportunity to experience what it would be like if we lived in the Antarctic and he retired. Now his retirement in Wisconsin doesn’t scare me so much. It can’t possibly be as bad as the last couple days...

The “L” Word

I was happy to see that the high temperature for today was going to be minus seven. It gave me an excuse to sit in the warmth of the sunspot at my kitchen table for a bit longer than usual this morning. In that extra time my mind wandered to thoughts of the amazing women I was gifted to spend time with at the mini-retreat at Firstfruits last week. And the powerful messages the Holy Spirit whispered to all of us. Different messages for different needs. That is the beauty of the Holy Spirit. When we open ourselves to the movement of the Spirit in our lives, when we slow down enough to hear the whispers, and have the faith to believe what we hear, our lives are so much better. There was a common theme, a somewhat universal need that I heard in many of the conversations I had at the retreat. One word I heard numerous times: The "L" word. Not lack of sleep, labor stories, or liposuction. It was loneliness. You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. How often married women feel lonely. Moms with a bustling household of little ones feel lonely. A widow surrounded by family and friends on the holiday can feel lonely. Everyone has experienced loneliness, myself included, but we don’t casually admit it. Why don’t we admit when we are lonely? Because to admit you’re lonely feels like you are telling the whole world what a loser you are. As if loneliness is something we have control over and should be able to avoid. If only we were friendlier, we’d have people clamoring for our time. If we had more interests and imagination, we could fill our lives with fun and exciting things. If we were busier, we wouldn’t have time to be lonely. So then we get too busy. Carol Sullivan, gave a presentation based on Henri Nouwen’s book Can You Drink The Cup? at the mini-retreat. In it she reminded us of the importance of lifting our cup of life with both its joys and its sorrows, with others, in celebration, as a gift from God. Celebrating life together with a community is essential to the spiritual life and to our healing. We are healed by not hiding our joys and sorrows from each other. It is so important for women to find a safe, comfortable place to do just that. It brought a...

Just Do It

God has determined, unless I interfere with his plan that I should reach that which is my greatest happiness. John Henry Cardinal Newman If you have ever been to Firstfruits you have seen this quote on a black foam board outside the entrance to our Elm Grove space. I see it often. In fact, so often that I don’t really see it anymore. Kind of like the dust bunnies under the couch and the cobwebs in the corners of most of our rooms at home. Last week for some reason as I was unlocking the front door at Firstfruits, I glanced up at the quote and it really grabbed my attention. Read it again and really let this promise sink in. God has determined that you should reach that which is your greatest happiness.  Aren’t we all searching for happiness? Often in the wrong places and from the wrong people. True happiness comes from a relationship with God. He has a plan that will bring us to our greatest happiness this side of eternity with Him. The key words, and what really struck me last week, was the “unless I interfere” part. Often, we think of interference as an action, something we do that is an obstacle, but it can also come from something we don’t do. The interference can come from failing to act on something. Like a prompting or restlessness calling us to discern and use our God given gifts. Did you know that by virtue of our baptism we have all been given a mission by God? That mission is to bring His goodness and love to the world. That mission is universal. The way in which we are called to carry out that mission and to whom we are called to bring His goodness and love to is as varied as there are people on this planet. God has uniquely gifted each of us for this mission and brings the people and situations to our lives that need our gifts. Our job is to discern those gifts and be open to using them as we are called to use them. That is how we bring God’s goodness and love to the world and great happiness and joy to our own lives. Because the gifts we have been given and the unique “work” we are called to are perfect for us. More perfect than we could think up ourselves because they are given to us by...

Winter Blues

I’m feeling a little blue. How are you? Are you feeling a little blue too? Sounds like the introduction to a depressing Dr. Seuss book. This time of year can tend to be a bit depressing. Although this year we can’t blame it on the snow. The holidays are over. We’re back to eating Oreos instead of delicately frosted cut out cookies. No more “Feliz Navidad” playing on the radio. (Actually that is a good thing.) And the leftover fruitcakes are hardening on the 75% off shelf at the grocery store. (As if they could get any harder.) The homes around me look sad and bare with all the Christmas decorations removed. The poor Christmas trees that just weeks ago were the center of attention covered in lights and festive ornaments lie abandoned and naked on every curb. (There I go again, anthropomorphing. See my blog from two weeks ago for details.) I’ve noticed that more and more people have disappeared from my exercise class and my neighborhood. Only to reappear around late April, early May very refreshed and suspiciously darker in skin color. Winter, it’s that in-between time. The time when things are laying fallow, waiting for the Creator’s annual promise of birth and newness. When what was is no longer and what is to come is unseen. It’s during these times that much is happening even though it looks the opposite. In the cycle of much of creation, lying dormant for a time is essential to life. The same is true for our spiritual life. During the fallow times we are called to rest, to quiet, to trust, and to hope. We are encouraged to look for and listen for the ways God is drawing us to a replenishing relationship with Him during this quiet time of year. With less distractions we might just hear and see Him more clearly. Enjoy this stark, bare, quiet time of year to lay dormant with the Lord. Carve out time to rest in the inactivity. Let the otherwise gloomy, grey of the season remind you of the necessity of stillness and the promise of newness to come. When you need some company to shake off the winter blues I hope you will join us at Firstfruits. The next couple months are filled with great opportunities to come to know God and His deep love for you. See Firstfruits.info for details. What could be better to chase away the winter blues? Stale...

The Etch-a-Sketch

This time of year reminds me of one of my favorite childhood toys, the Etch–a-Sketch. I had a love/hate relationship with my Etch-a-Sketch. I found it fascinating to try to draw an accurate depiction of anything other than a square or rectangle. Trying to make a perfect circle drove me insane, but I kept trying. When it got to be too much, I would take out my frustrations by just turning it upside down and shaking the daylights out of it. Then, I would start the process all over again. Resolve, determination, failure, frustration, repeat. With the turning of the calendar page last week we’ve begun a new year. Out with the old and in with the new. We can shake the daylights out of the picture we were in and resolve to start anew. With resolutions we often end up like I did with my Etch–a-Sketch, in failure and frustration unless we invite a power greater than ourselves into our picture making. When we resolve to let God lead our hands (and everything else) it becomes more of an evolution than a resolution, a slow process of creation in partnership with the One who knows the twists and turns that are necessary to shape the life He has intended for us. Eating less, exercising more. Spending less, giving more. Showing up on time, calling your mother-in-law more often, and cleaning the top of the refrigerator on a regular basis are all honorable resolutions. But I challenge you as I challenge myself to a deeper New Year’s evolution. Prayerfully consider what God might be calling you to work on, with Him, these next twelve months. Is He calling you to meet Him through the study of His word? Come join us for Weekly Word on Monday mornings. Is He urging you to take time away from the busyness and be still? Come join us for a mini-retreat on January 23. Is He showing himself to you in a restlessness that isn’t going away? A nagging feeling that there is more to life? A feeling that there is a deeper purpose for your life? Come join us for the Called and Gifted Workshop starting February 5 on Tuesday mornings or Saturday mornings. Resolve to evolve this new year. Listen to the promptings and act on them. Shake off the excuses, come to God with a clean slate, and join Him as He etches and sketches the abundant life He has waiting for...